It is just mind blowing.

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Joined: Tue Jul 14, 2020 2:21 pm

It is just mind blowing.

Post by Sabatius » Thu Jul 16, 2020 12:14 pm

First of all let me thank the administrators for activating my account. I found this forum to be a goldmine of useful advice and information.

I would like to share my unfortunate story. The text has been written couple of days ago and there is some positive development in the case but I have to keep it private due to ongoing case and importance of this info.

In general I, my wife and my stepson are victims of vicious attack from social workers, who in their mind created a situation that does not exist and they act on it trying to ruin our family. They already damaged my reputation, led to my arrest and loss of income as well as they devastated us and other members of our family and social circle emotionally, especially my stepson – the child that they supposedly try to protect. What is most important, their allegations can be easily proven otherwise. It is a horrible experience to see public servants doing harm instead of helping people and that they are basically above law.

Here is the story.

In November 2019 we had few conflicts with my wife. It wasn’t anything major, no verbal or physical violence, simple discussions about things we disagree with. The worst effect of any of our conflicts is that we don’t speak to each other for some time. However, my wife tried to look for advice on how to deal with conflict situations and ways to avoid them. She may have picked a wrong organization for such advice and she contacted one of the victim support lines. Very quickly from search for advice this case became a secretive conspiracy led by vicious social workers. They have bullied my wife to attend meetings, have conversations, do reports etc. They also started to interview my stepson. My wife and my stepson were both very confused but complied with everything they were asked for under the tremendous pressure and sense of power shown from the side of social workers. Social workers simply decided that she is domestically abused and controlled and didn’t really care what she or my stepson has to say. She denied everything they said but they simply knew better. For example when my wife answered: “No, never!” to the question "Is he beating you up?” the social worker bluntly said “I don’t believe you”. She even tried to stop having contact with them but they insisted and even organized an “ambush” meeting when she was visiting her GP. She was scared, bullied and in some way brainwashed.

On every single occasion she stated clearly that English is not her fist language and she is unable to express herself clearly in English. She asked for an interpreter on many occasions but this request has been denied as the social workers decided that she understands well enough. One of them even commented “doesn’t matter as your English is better than my xxxx” and any further requests to help with the language barrier were literally laughed at. Throughout the few months of this harassment social workers built a case and proceeded with Child Protection Conference. At this point my wife, seeing the report submitted by social services before Child Protection Conference was completely shocked with its content. She tried to intervene and spoke to a manager in charge of social workers leading the case. She clearly stated that the most of that report is completely false and contains things that never happened, things that she never even mentioned and things that were so shocking that they seemed to come from completely different realities. Besides completely made up stuff most of her words were twisted by biased social workers in a way just to build a case. For example she mentioned to a social worker that she sometimes “begs on her knees” when she really wants something, which is a sentence commonly used in xxxxx language as a figure of speech. Even if it was clear that she does that when she wants something, that the initiative in such situations comes from her side, in the report we can read that I ordered her to go on her hands and knees and beg. The report is horrendous. It contains an unbelievable amount of lies and twisted words, added simply to “make the case”.

My wife went over the report with the manager over the phone and he highlighted the inaccuracies in it. She was promised that the report will be corrected before the conference. Following a small investigation we are sure that the corrected report or any remarks she made about inaccuracy of it never reached the members of the Child Protection Conference and they based their decision on a bunch of lies which in effect led to the introduction of a child protection plan.

Up to the point of the Child Protection Conference I had no idea that this case is ongoing. For seven months they were building something behind my back, created a comics style super villain in their minds and didn’t even bother to contact me at any point. Just before the conference they were trying to invent a way of letting me know about the issues but that was a failure and I knew that the information they tried to convey towards me, using my wife as a vessel was only a tip of an iceberg.

Problem is that I have a very deep instinct if it comes to dishonesty and lying. Since the case started I have become more and more disconnected from my wife. This was because I could feel that she wasn’t honest towards me and she is not telling me the truth or hides something. At this point I only knew about the Child Protection Conference and the plan that would involve me complying with social workers will. As I didn’t see a reason to deal with any social workers and moreover not even a bit of reason why my stepson would be put under any kind of plan I decided to do a drastic move and step back from this relationship.

Still not knowing the full picture I felt a strong need to protect myself. I knew what this kind of situations can lead to, I was a single father of two for many years and had some issues with separating from my previous wife who made up some stuff that didn't hold the water for a second. My current wife did not react positively to my decision about divorce. Despite my simple proposition of splitting everything in half and walking away she refused to comply with this option. She started to inform people around her that she is a victim of domestic abuse etc. but at the same time she strongly opposed the idea of divorce. I was scared and as I exactly know how these kinds of cases end up for people in my position, I have started to record audio 24/7 on my phone and it happened to be a good decision. My wife lost it completely and started to threaten me openly, saying that if I try to leave she will “frame me” and “screw me up” and “get me arrested”.

I felt like I had no choice and I have reported the crime of threats and controlling behavior from her side to the police. However, the same day, the police instead of dealing with my report, they came at 4am in the morning and arrested me under the charges of controlling behavior and domestic abuse. I have used the help of a lawyer and I went through the police interview. Few hours later I was released without any charges; police didn’t even put me under investigation and just released me without the need of any further actions. I was free to return home.

... to be continued...
Last edited by Suzie, FRG Adviser on Mon Jul 20, 2020 12:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: post moderated to promote anonymity

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Re: It is just mind blowing.

Post by Sabatius » Thu Jul 16, 2020 12:16 pm

This wasn’t something that social services expected but they did not accept police findings. The moment I was released they jumped on my wife and stepson and told them to leave the house immediately and they continued to convey the narrative of high risk and imminent danger to her and the child. She refused to comply with this but they used leverage seeding a fear in her mind of them taking her son away if she won’t comply with what they say. Scared and confused she followed their instructions. They have given her a new phone with a new number, proposed to move to a refuge somewhere in xxx England, they have banned her from contacting me etc. My wife and stepson have effectively become homeless. They have spent the next few nights in the hotels provided by social services and days living in the car on random parking lots. As my wife refused to be taken to a refuge they banned her from staying not only in the town we live in but even from the entire county. Eventually social services decided what to do with them and they have received an accommodation about an hour drive from our town.

They went there but the accommodation provided to them was below any possible standard of living. That was a breaking point not only for my wife but mostly for my step son. He was unfortunate enough to experience eviction, fear of homelessness and series of temporary social accommodations in substandard hostels in his early years. His situation greatly improved since we got together with his mum. We have been renting a very nice house for some time and since May last year we are living in a brand new house which we bought. The trauma my stepson has experienced is unbelievable. Social workers knew about his history and they provided him with a flashback from his past that completely broke him. He refused even to step inside the room council has provided, he ran back to the car, jumped in and cried on the back seat saying he will never get in there.

That was the final straw on the camel’s back and my wife, traumatized and completely broken, just sat in the car and came straight back home. We had a long completely honest conversation with her and at that point I realized that I was right about her lack of honesty and found out the full extent of the case. For months she was cornered by delusional social workers, pressured and threatened to comply with whatever they say. She was living in guilt and put under tremendous amounts of stress because she was scared to talk to me about all of this. The fact that she is hiding something from me was eating her out and as I was slowly losing my trust in her I see it as a main reason for our conflicts over the last few months.

I have quickly realized that she is in fact a victim of social workers on a power trip. They have abused her and my stepson in every possible way just to destroy me and our family. Our personal conflicts seemed to be really trivial compared to the way social workers imagined the situation. We know exactly what mistakes we have made and faced with a vicious attack from the social services we instantly forgive each other for anything that happened between us. We decided to stand together as a unified front to prevent further damage to be done to our family by social workers. We have decided to send my stepson to his grandparents for a couple of weeks to disconnect him from this madness and bring back a sense of normality to his life. This is also normal for him as he usually spends a few weeks each summer with his grandparents. As every single move of my wife was under supervision she lied to the social services that she is staying with her brother for a couple of nights before she will fly with her son to xxxxxx. Social workers demanded from her personal details of her brother and the family in xxxxxx saying that they want to prevent “running from one fire to another”. This paranoid made us paranoid as well. We have looked through the windows in fear social workers or police will raid the house at any moment if they figure out that my stepson is home. My stepson himself couldn’t sleep or focus on anything, jumping up in fear or holding on to his chair when he heard a car approaching the house or people speaking outside.

Up to that moment neither of us knew that our fear was unfounded. We have started to do research as the involvement of social services in our lives was something new. We reached for advice to charity organizations and read about the laws and regulations surrounding the topic of child protection and social services. It was only at this point we realized that without the court decision they cannot just take my stepson away as they were constantly telling my wife. She was never, at any point during the duration of this case advised that her cooperation with them is completely voluntary. She was told otherwise. She was under direct threat of losing her child and was completely unaware about her own rights. This is just unacceptable.

When the social workers realized that I had submitted my report to the police they called my wife to a meeting. They practically forced her to lodge a report to the police that she was a victim of domestic abuse. She refused but a social worker called the police herself. Police came and took my wife and my stepson to the police station where a social worker worked hard to influence the report with her bias. It took them around 12 hours to do so. They didn’t really have any evidence of my wrongdoings, just random bunch of overinflated little accusations. The worst part of it is they were putting a lot of pressure on my wife, they did not offer her any food for the duration of the interview and they kept my step son with her so he was exposed to the entire procedure and content of the interview. Moreover they didn’t even think about feeding the child that they wanted to protect! The report itself was nothing else but retaliation for my actions. In the report there was nothing new or recent. Social worker pushing for it knew about all she knew for months and did not act on it before. She did this just to lead to my arrest using completely false allegations that didn’t even hold enough to move to the investigation phase.

The same day we decided to give a joint statement to the police. We have informed them about the real situation and whereabouts of my wife and my stepson. We also retracted our reports and asked for no more actions to be taken in the cases we have reported. We had additional interviews with police officers and they were happy to close the case for us. We have also asked social services not to contact us under any circumstances unless they go through the court.

Unfortunately this wasn’t the end of the case. Social workers have sent false allegations through the Interpol and the xxxxx police invaded my mother’s in law flat in xxxxx looking for my wife and my stepson. This action traumatized not only them but also extended the trauma to my mother and father in law. They are both quite old and vulnerable people and this intervention had a very negative impact on them. Fortunately xxxxx police just interviewed my wife and my stepson on the spot and as they did not see any concerns just closed the case.

Even that was not enough and a few days later a similar situation took place. This time xxxxx police and xxxxx social workers raided the flat of my mother in law again as through the UK embassy in xxxxx they have received another unofficial report based on false allegations generated by social workers from the UK. Also this time xxxxx authorities assessed the situation and decided that the child is absolutely safe and sound and they will not do anything in this case because it is not backed up by any lawful court order etc.

As you see social workers do absolutely everything they can do to destroy my family. Because of their actions our current lives are a nightmare. We are just waiting for their next move and are afraid to bring our stepson home. We really need help in this matter. Despite the trauma and mental torment I personally lost quite a chunk of my income as I was unable to work. Also my reputation suffered irreversible damage and I’m in serious danger of these events compromising my further career.
Last edited by Suzie, FRG Adviser on Mon Jul 20, 2020 12:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Post moderated to protect anonymity

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: It is just mind blowing.

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Aug 03, 2020 8:31 am

Dear Sabatius
My name is Suzie, I am Family Rights Group online adviser.

Thank you for posting and sharing what has been happening. I can see that your wife sought advice from a domestic violence organisation and a referral was made to children services who carried out an assessment and an initial child protection conference was held. Children services also seemed to have supported your wife to make an allegation to the police alleging controlling behaviour. The police investigated and it looks like the case was closed due to lack of evidence. Children services offered to support her to flee with her son to a safe place due to the risk of domestic violence to her.

It is clear to me that they must have assessed you as high risk to your wife and so to her son. (Ask to see a copy of that assessment if you have not seen it). Please see the Barnardo’s risk assessment tool-as an example of how alleged domestic violence can be assessed. By seeing the assessment on you, you could challenge their assessment by way of complaint.

The law is clear that any domestic violence can be dangerous to children. For example, the children can be emotionally abused by being traumatised by witnessing the abuse of a parent and children can be physically harmed by being caught in the cross- fire or occasionally deliberately killed as a way to control a person. Given the police interview, it sounds like they are worried you are controlling her. You deny this is the case and you say have been wrongly accused. I can see that the police did not proceed with a case against you.

Here are FAQ’s for fathers when domestic violence an issue. This explains what it is.
You did not say whether you have legal parental responsibility for your step son. Did you ever get a child arrangements order or step parent adoption order for him? if not, you will not have legal parental responsibility for him so this will limit your access to children services file about him. However, you can still challenge children services assessment of your risk via the children services complaints. Please see our advice sheet about complaints.

You say your stepson is staying with his grandparents out of the UK. It is good to hear that the assessment made locally in your wife’s country says he is safe.
I can see that you are surprised that children services contacted the local police in your wife’s country of origin. The reason for this is that when a child is subject to a child protection plan it means “children services suspect that he has suffered significant harm or is likely to suffer significant harm”. (whether or not that is in fact the case). The law says, that when a child is subject to a child protection plan, to ensure he is protected, a social worker needs to visit regularly and see him and speak to him alone-away from the influences of a parent. This should occur for every child who is subject to a child protection plan. See out FAQ’s about child protection procedures . This is to check a child is safe. When he was moved to the grandparents, children services needed to check he was there and safe and unharmed. This was confirmed by officials in your wife’s country.

I think what you need to do is seek urgent advice from Respect . They have confidential helplines and information about domestic violence. As you are an alleged perpetrator, I suggest you speak to the helpline and describe what had happened and ask whether any of your behaviours could be controlling and abusive. If they think they are, even if you do not agree, I think it is important you take steps to address the behaviours, via a programme. This will show children services that you are working with them to address any issues. They can advise about these in your local area.

You outlined times when children services practice has been poor such as not offering an interpreter. Your wife could lodge a complaint about these. Also, you say your wife’s changes to the social work report were never circulated to the professionals in the child protection conference. She could raise a complaint about this as well.
If you need further advice, please post again or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,

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