I am 6 months pregnant (thou it's a very complicated pregnancy and I'm unlikely to get to my due date) and my husband was sentenced recently to 12months in prison (serving half of it) and 10yrs sor and sopo. We went into the court not expecting this, probation recommended 2yrs probation as they see him as low risk.
I don't know what happens next, I will always choose my baby in any choice I have to make. I guess social services get involved now but I don't know how or when or what they will do which is terrifying me. I still don't know if I want to stay with him, I don't even know if it's even an option as I want my baby, so if he's never going to be allowed to live with us I'll deal with the marriage being over and be there for my child. His sentence is from lying about his age online and chatting to a 14yr girl, arranging to meet, before meeting telling her he was an adult, still met, meeting was for 15mins and he kissed her and touched over clothing. This happened over 4yrs ago and was being investigated for 4yrs. I found out at the start of the investigation and we got help for our relationship and got through losing 2 babies since it started. If this stupid mistake never happened we would be a happy family, I'm so hurt that he's done this to me and our unborn child.
Can anyone help me with what happens now, he won't be released till baby is nearly 3months so does everything start then or now, will it be frowned upon that I want to visit and write to him? Ideally I want to take baby to visit when I'm able to too.
I feel lost
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4234
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: I feel lost
Dear Countrygirl
Welcome to the Family Rights Group Parents’ Discussion Forum.
My name is Suzie online adviser at Family Rights Group.
I am sorry that you are feeling lost and confused about the situation you find yourself in at a time when you are pregnant and having complications with that as well.
From your post, it suggests that Children Services (new name for social services) is not involved with you at the moment. Were they involved when you were pregnant during the ongoing investigations regarding your husband’s offence? As you will be receiving antenatal care now, is the midwife or other health professionals aware of your husband’s conviction and sentence? The reason I ask is that they would be required to make a referral to Children Services with regard to safeguarding due to the nature of your husband offence.
If no referral has been because you have not informed health professionals of the conviction then this will not be very good as if Children Services do become involved they will be concerned about lack of openness and honesty on your part. A copy of our advice sheet relating to Children Services' involvement after a referral is here for your information.
Children Services will want to ensure that your baby is brought up in a safe environment. This is likely to involve them carrying out assessments to see whether you can safely parent the baby. If you do wish to remain in a relationship with your husband then he will be risk assessed to see what level of risk he poses to your child. A pre-birth conference might be arranged and there will certainly be pre-birth planning to decide what will happen after the baby’s birth.
You said you do not know whether to stay with your husband or not. This is, of course, a decision for you but if Children Services were to decide you cannot live with your husband and the baby it will be for you and him to ask them to work with you both help you remain together. If not, then you will have to decide. Your husband, as the child’s father may be able to have supervised contact.
The way that you described your husband’s behaviour is unlikely to be acceptable to Children Services, because it could be taken that you are minimising his offence. I say this because you seem to be excusing his behaviour as a silly mistake. The fact is, it will be seen as him grooming a child and having inappropriate sexual contact with her. Children Services will not see it as a mistake as he took time to talk to her and knew her age. I am telling you this because if you are seen to be minimising the offence, there will be concerns about your ability to protect and safeguard your child.
I am including a copy of our advice sheet relating to child protection procedures for your information. You may also like to read our Frequently asked Questions here
Children Service,s it seems from your post, is not aware of your current circumstances, so you will need to decide if you are going to inform them yourself or wait for a health or child care professional to do so. It is important that you are seen been open and honest. You do not want them to think that you are hiding information about your pregnancy because of your husband's conviction. The probation service is likely to make a referral to Children Services if they are aware of your pregnancy.
Please note that even though probation might have assessed your husband as low risk, Children Services will want to carry out their own investigation to assess his level of risk.
I suggest that you contact the Lucy Faithfull Foundation who will be able to give you more advice in relation to your husband’s behaviour and how you cope with the situation you find yourself in.
Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please do telephone our free and confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366 to speak to an adviser. The advice line is open Monday to Friday from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m.
I hope you find this helpful.
Best wishes
Suzie
Welcome to the Family Rights Group Parents’ Discussion Forum.
My name is Suzie online adviser at Family Rights Group.
I am sorry that you are feeling lost and confused about the situation you find yourself in at a time when you are pregnant and having complications with that as well.
From your post, it suggests that Children Services (new name for social services) is not involved with you at the moment. Were they involved when you were pregnant during the ongoing investigations regarding your husband’s offence? As you will be receiving antenatal care now, is the midwife or other health professionals aware of your husband’s conviction and sentence? The reason I ask is that they would be required to make a referral to Children Services with regard to safeguarding due to the nature of your husband offence.
If no referral has been because you have not informed health professionals of the conviction then this will not be very good as if Children Services do become involved they will be concerned about lack of openness and honesty on your part. A copy of our advice sheet relating to Children Services' involvement after a referral is here for your information.
Children Services will want to ensure that your baby is brought up in a safe environment. This is likely to involve them carrying out assessments to see whether you can safely parent the baby. If you do wish to remain in a relationship with your husband then he will be risk assessed to see what level of risk he poses to your child. A pre-birth conference might be arranged and there will certainly be pre-birth planning to decide what will happen after the baby’s birth.
You said you do not know whether to stay with your husband or not. This is, of course, a decision for you but if Children Services were to decide you cannot live with your husband and the baby it will be for you and him to ask them to work with you both help you remain together. If not, then you will have to decide. Your husband, as the child’s father may be able to have supervised contact.
The way that you described your husband’s behaviour is unlikely to be acceptable to Children Services, because it could be taken that you are minimising his offence. I say this because you seem to be excusing his behaviour as a silly mistake. The fact is, it will be seen as him grooming a child and having inappropriate sexual contact with her. Children Services will not see it as a mistake as he took time to talk to her and knew her age. I am telling you this because if you are seen to be minimising the offence, there will be concerns about your ability to protect and safeguard your child.
I am including a copy of our advice sheet relating to child protection procedures for your information. You may also like to read our Frequently asked Questions here
Children Service,s it seems from your post, is not aware of your current circumstances, so you will need to decide if you are going to inform them yourself or wait for a health or child care professional to do so. It is important that you are seen been open and honest. You do not want them to think that you are hiding information about your pregnancy because of your husband's conviction. The probation service is likely to make a referral to Children Services if they are aware of your pregnancy.
Please note that even though probation might have assessed your husband as low risk, Children Services will want to carry out their own investigation to assess his level of risk.
I suggest that you contact the Lucy Faithfull Foundation who will be able to give you more advice in relation to your husband’s behaviour and how you cope with the situation you find yourself in.
Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please do telephone our free and confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366 to speak to an adviser. The advice line is open Monday to Friday from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m.
I hope you find this helpful.
Best wishes
Suzie
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