My experience

[frustrated mum]

I had many threads on here and i tried to offer support to others. I ranted on here. I had cried, felt dispair and had thoughts of running away with my daughters to get away from social services. I dont want to start ss bashing but i want to share with people in abit more detail what ss were up to. I may repeat what ive already put in some threads. I may write it differently to how i felt atthe time when i was rock bottom. Things feel clearer now and i will apoligise in advance if i contridict myself.
Back in october 2013 there was a knock at the door, it was a social worker i let them in puzzled to why she was here. She sat in my dinning room pulled out a pad and pen and started asking questions. I was that gobsmacked i didnt ask why she was in my house , invading my space. Instead i told her to leave as she had come in and hadnt explained to me why she was there.
I then had her boss phone me to ask why i had asked the sw to leave. It was then i found out she was a child protection sw. He said that he wouldnt tell me over the phone the reason for the visit. I was sent a letter stating that the sw and her boss would be attending my house on a certain date. I contacted them to say i wouldnt be could they arrange another day to be told no. They arrived on the date anyway to find me not in. My children were alone aged at the time 16, 15, 14. Ss investigated to make sure they were old enough to be at home by themselves.
I then heard nothing, i knew they wouldnt go away. Then i received notice of a child protection meeting , i hadnt received an invite at this time. I went to the meeting at our lical town hall. What an experience that was. I was made out that i hadnt co operated when i stated that a sw had entered my property hadnt explained why she was there then they tried to make an appointment which i tried to rearrange it was noted and held against me. In the end my 2 daughters were placed on child protection and my son 17 by that time placed on child in need. As i was accused of being un co operative , sarcastic on my behalf i gave the 2 months of my off duty so they knew when i was in. I went to every meeting did everything asked of me on the day in some cases. Twice there were instances were ss had from somewhere ( never told) imformation that my daughters were going to meet some undesirable people and i had to sign a parental agreement to take them out of area.
I must add that during the cp meeting i found out that ss thought my daughters were being sexual explotated by older lads. Something the police could find no proof off as my daughters werent linked to this group. I repeat the police had solid 100% proof that the allegations by ss were not true.
My daughters were mixing with a group of youths , some already in care and i was powerless to stop them. All i could do was report them missing each time and sit by the phone waiting.
So each time they went awol then were returned by the police ( first name terms with some officers by then) ss came the following day. My daughters refused to speak to them so trips to a well known fast food restaurant started.
I spent most of my time on edge i had read things on the internet, seen videos on youtube....
Each time the girls disappeared and i asked ss for support they said sign the section 20. I ended up loosing my rag with the sw during a meeting , this got used against me. I finally got the minutes of the cp meeting it had lits of mistakes which even to this day have never been corrected dispite numerous requests.
So at least twice a month my girls disappeared , my son was taken off the cin plan.
The sw then asked me a strange question , which i get now but not at the time. Where there any family members whom could look after the girls. I was that mixed up and under pressure at the time that it just didnt register.
About two weeks later there was the tv programe about families leaving britain , fleeing abroad to escape ss. I put a post on a thread i was looking back at nearly my lowest point. I was planning to leave the country with my girls but they wouldnt leave.
It wasnt long after i was called into the town hall again to meet the sw and family support worker. The sw gave me the paper work for a section 20. If i didnt sign it they were coming for the girls anyway. I freaked.
Now i have jumped ahead of myself so just bare with me. On , i remember a wednesday afternoon the sw contacted me by phone . Stating that we needed to do a patental assessment. Tomorrow. Im like wow no warning. Told her i would have to speak to hubby as he runs his own business and being a one man band needs abit more warning. I was also working and finding it more difficult to get time off. So contacted the sw , explained and told her the only time we could do it together was the following week. To be told wednesday afternoon the paper work had to be submitted by monday and she hadnt had time to organise it earlier. I told her it wasnt my fault that she was unable to manage her work load and she should organise herself better. She than stated that she had enough on us to write her own parental assessment. Which she did. Between the lines im agressive - i stood up to her. A loving parent whom doesnt listen to her childrens wishes but is supportive and fights for what i believe is right for my children. Im one or the other. My hubby was made to be a violent control freak. There had been dv nearly 10 yrs previous.
So back to section 20, i was given the paper work to take home to read. It was simple enough health care etc. it was for my 16 year old to sign for herself. I held back as long as possible. I sought help from parents here and on another well known parental internet site.
In the end i signed it. The girls WANTED to go into care!!! So my daughters pack there suitcases and waited. As much as ss wanted my daughters so they could get their commission , just missed their xmas bonus. We had to wait 2 weeks for my first daughter to leave and another 2 weeks again for the youngest. I complained about this as i found it very stress ful. I got a sorry thrown in a conversation. The biggest apology i got was from the chairperson at one of our meeting who told me i had been let down by every professional over the past 10 years thats another story.
So in hinde sight there are many things i could of done and said differently. I actually regret signing the section 20 and advise parents not to sign it. Yes you can get your children back . My daughter came home end of april time. We had an patental assessment done by the new sw at a time that suited us!!
There is so much more to this and i will come back and write some more . I am still 10 months later trying to get them reports changed.....,

[charmed1]

Dear frustrated mum what can I say? Your post struck a cord with me and that's why I wanted to reply.

We are still going through hell. We had one of the best contacts with our kids yesterday. Both were a bit challenging at times but we managed brilliantly. Completely different to how we were before. Therapy has worked. We have insight now and remained calm even with the supervisor watching! Having to watch them being driven away was heart breaking

I am so proud of myself and I am beginning to understand why they had to take our kids away. We'd hit rock bottom and couldn't see a way out. I was desperate and desperation makes you do and say things you wouldn't ever want to do or say. The guilt can eat you up inside. I'm getting past that now. I'm a completely different person. I don't view the social worker with anger or disgust anymore. I can work with these people. I'm better than the person they labelled as not good enough.

I could re read my posts but I won't. I know how far I've come but these people still have care and placement orders on our children. They won't change their minds unless we fight hard and we're doing that every day.

Be proud of yourself I am!

[frustrated mum]

Thank you for your reply. Well done you!!! And chin up it does get better. Ive so much more to add so many more experiences espically around the section 20 and lead up and advice now ive been through it on how to apply for your children back. I wish you the best xx

[frustrated mum]

Section 20.
I know many of you on this site have been forced into signing a section 20. As i stated i was called into the town hall and given the paper work. I remember speaking to my solicitor in shock , whom i now know works too closely with cs. She told me to sign it as if i didnt , it would go to court and they would take my children anyway. If a court order was in place i would have to share pr with a bunch of morons. Not wanting to go to court etc i signed. My 16 yr old daughter could sign for herself but i had to sign for my youngest. So then 2 weeks no news of placement then daughter no 1 leaves 2 wks later youngest.
I went to cared for planning meetings , cated for review meetings, meet new social workers and was pushed to the side as a mother. Numerous incidents happened regarding my girls that i wasnt told about or found out about on a social networking site!
No one listened to my worries or complaints.
I was the bad parent.
Middle of march my youngest wanted to come home , music to my ears!!
I contacted her sw who unlike the other one listened to what i had to say.
I wrote a letter to the local authority stating that i wanted her home. That she was vunerable in care and i was concerned about her well being. I gave them a date of return as i had to decorate her room ready. Sw came to assess us at a time suited to us. Which we passed. She stayed a child in need as she is statemented , special needs etc. she came home end of april beginning of may.
My advice is DONT sign a section 20. I wish i had fought more i was bambuzzled by it all and frankly didnt know which way to turn. The way that once a LO get there hands on your children THEN offer support makes me sick. I was told by our chair women i had been let down by childrens services. There is no proper support given to keep families together. I know that there are some children who rightly need removing . A section 20 was the only support i was offered.
Freedom of imformation act showed my LA received a bonus of £1 million extra if they increased the number of children fostered.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear frustrated mum

Thank you for having the courage to give a detailed post about your experience of having your children placed in the care system.

It has clearly been a very difficult time for you, so helpful that you are able to share the background events so other users of the forum are able to benefit from the information you provide. Particularly, your decision not to flee abroad with your children when you were at a low point in your life.

I am pleased to hear that your youngest child's views were considered and she is now back in your care. Further that you continue to work with Children’s Services and the Independent Reviewing Officer in relation to your oldest daughter. As she is under a section 20 or voluntary care agreement she still has the option returning home when the time is right for all of you.

One thing I would say is that it is important to recognise that many members of the parent’s discussion board have unique and challenging background circumstances of their own that means statutory interventions are required to help them keep their children safe .

For some parents, the use of section 20 could be a useful support option when they are struggling to meet their children’s needs. In this way, they could benefit from short term professional support services regarding their children.

Therefore, I would be cautious about advising parents to refuse to sign a voluntary agreement in all circumstances. For instance, for those who find themselves isolated and their children are accommodated through no fault of their own, being able to retain parental responsibility could be a preferable option, to having to face court action because they have refused to cooperate with the Local Authority.

Where possible we would normally advise parents to engage with assessment process at an earlier stage, if it means there is a better chance of improved outcomes for them and their children at an early stage.

May I take this opportunity once again, to thank you for your input on this discussion board.

Best Wishes


Suzie

[frustrated mum]

Thank you for your reply. I understand what you are saying about other parents and section 20. I didnt mean for it to read as if i was against it, as in some family situation it is. I was stating that i felt in my experience that ss where offering a section 20 as their onlymethod of support and other routes of support were only given once my girls were in the system. I am writing the thread from the heart its not advice its every crappy thing that happened , and in a way this is therapy for me.