Disrespectful Son

[santa fe]

Hi one of my sons ( 15) is living with a foster parent and says to everyone he has nothing to do with me
But he calls me when he wants something or a lift back to his home after school and whilst with me he takes money out of the car in front of me and now has just open all the packets of crisp’s I had in the car ( Bumper pack) I know he is using me.
He has also just call me some nasty names on FB using me account
He did have a door key to my home but he stole some things and gave me some back at a later date when I quizzed him I also have taken the key off him.
When he sees his mum my Ex ( contact ) there is no problems or I am led to believe
What do I do?

[ange301126]

Dear santa fe, try getting other son or sons to have a quiet word in his ear,
Imagine how completely demoralising and confusing it must be for him in care and remember you share the parental responsibility for him.Someone of his own age might be able to get to the bottom of the problem better than you if you get them on your side and ask them to intervene..They are brothers and can help one another with mutual support as they would within a normal family and you should organise it.The CS won't.They don't inspire children to respect their elders;the care system regularly turns out tearaways.You are his father and deserve respect and you should teach it to him.,Do your best anyway.Good luck..

[santa fe]

Thank you for your reply
My other boys wont talk to me as they live with their mother and she has turned them against me also.
But I believe that the son in question has taken things from his older brother also when he goes to his mum but not certain and if I tty and speak to my ex just gives me grrive and says "funny how it is only you he steals from never me"
Thanks again

[ange301126]

Dear santa fe, I'm no psychologist just a dad like yourself but if your other boys want to be with their mother but he is in care, it may signify that he wants to be with you and cannot express it. He wants out of care, Ask him. If he wants to live with you and you can meet his needs,look into getting him home.Things can't be that bad if you are allowed free unsupervised contact.We only get to see ours under supervision. Now that is bad!

[ange301126]

Dear santa fe, if I don't know what I'm talking about, feel free to sat it. I won't be offended in any way.

[santa fe]

He is not bothered where he lives or so he says.
I have asked him several times but I cannot pressure him or make him feel pressured.
As for contact we just do whatever we want and where we want
Cs don't have a say in what we do as I am just doing what the judge said but cs seem to think they can do differently to what the judge said.
But the judge told them they have more chance of platting fog than getting my son organised contact (so to speak )
"He is 15 and will flex his independent muscles"
Direct quote from the judge
Thanks for your advice it is most welcomed.

[santa fe]

As for CS I am a major thorn in their side and always pick them up on their lies and wrong doing

[Basil]

Your son probably is confussed with all what is going on, I had verbal abuse from my son, it wasn't nice at all, he didn't want to speak to me unless he wanted something, that was the only time he was nice to me, cutting along story short he was promised things by foster carers and social services and when he didn't get it, he expected it from me. he didn't know why he was in foster care, and his sibling wasn't, I really felt I had lost my son. I had to prove to my son I wasn't lying, he is now home and things are so different, he said he cant believe the lies they told him, Your son probably does not know what to do or who to believe, but I bet he wants to go home. just remind him you are always going to be there for him. but you will not be abused. and its his choice you just want him to be happy wherever he lives. at 16 under s20 they can walk out and come home if they wish good luck

[santa fe]

"I had verbal abuse from my son, it wasn't nice at all, he didn't want to speak to me unless he wanted something, that was the only time he was nice to me, "

This is what is happening with me and when he phones I go running like a lap dog, that 15 minutes of just running back to his "" Home"" is nice and I talk to him about school and stuff now and NOT his mum or anything.

Thank you so much both of you for the reassurance

[Niles]

I think you should stop giving him benefits. Then you will see if he cares about you. If not, it is just a matter of time when he realized that he was doing bad....