Nightmare Situation

[mumof5]

This is a long story, sorry..Ive been with my husband for 13 years we have 5 kids from ages 2-11. He has done some terrible things over the years as hes an alcoholic (has dried out on and off) but I have always stuck by him because I thought it was the best thing to keep our family together, we have been involved with social services twice due to his drinking, each time they have closed the case. In April I finally 'woke up' to what he is really like and decided I didnt want to be with him anymore, he took it badly but in the end agreed he would leave, he cant go on any housing list because we've only lived in this borough for 2 years and you need to be there for 5 before you can be accepted, and our old borough dont accept out of borough applicants, I have started divorce proceedings (decree nisi received) but the council said this makes no difference to whether you can get included on the housing list, private rent is his only option, we dont have deposit money but hes been awarded a crisis loan for rent upfront/deposit but only within this borough, which has proved nearly impossible finding a flat under that criteria. As time is going on its harder and harder each day as his behaviour is so irrational, hes not violent but very verbally abusive and very clever at talking his way out of things, Im considering ringing up a womens refuge to get me and the kids out but Im worried what will happen with social services once I do this, as a few months ago my sister emailed them in confidence detailing my situation asking what help they could give me, their reply was they could take the children away as they would see that Im not keeping them in a safe environment! But Im trying to find him somewhere and Im divorcing him! Surely this cant be right! Im terrified they will take the kids, but at the same time desperate to get away from my husband, it cant be good for the kids seeing and hearing all this, everyday is a nightmare and I cant see any other way out, if you met him before talking to me you wouldnt beleive a word I say - that is how good he is at talking his way out of things, hes always saying he will get custody of the kids and say Im a bad mum but I know Im not I only live for them, I just cant cope with his outbursts much longer

[Bitter Pill]

Hi Mumof5,

I fear you sister, while having your best intentions at heart, has put you at risk with SS.

You MUST get your husband out NOW! If he's any integrity left then he should step up his game and find somewhere, ANYWHERE without any further delay.

Tell him to go on spareroom.com and find himself a room that offers cheap rent with all bills included. It really isn't that hard!

If SS do come knocking then don't let them in, remember they do not have any authority that grants them entry into your home. Make it hard as possible for them to contact you untill you have him out the house.

Good lick

[blueplain]

Do not worry about him becoming homeless. Yes there are policies that if you are CURRENTLY suitably homed then you will have to wait 5 years. However if he went to the housing office and said I have been given 1 week to evict the house or I will become homeless, then he will be given a house before that week is up. It is illegal for the council not to house a homeless man.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear mumof5

Welcome to the parent's discussion board.

I am sorry to hear that you have been going through such a difficult situation with regards the domestic abuse you have experienced from your ex partner, but that you have made steps to try to break free from the violence, in order to keep yourself and the children safe.

Can I suggest you consider contacting the National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247 and Rights of Women 020 7251 6577 as both organisations give advice and support to people going through a similar situation as the one you find yourself in at the present time.

If you wish to speak to an adviser about your particular circumstances, please contact the Family Rights Group advice line on 0808 801 0366 Monday to Friday 09.30 am to 03.00 pm.

Best Wishes


Suzie