My children's father

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Joined: Tue Jul 07, 2020 11:39 pm

My children's father

Post by KrisztaOZ » Thu Jul 09, 2020 4:01 pm

Good morning,

I would like some advice on my ex husband's behaviour in regards to our children. We have 7 year old twins, one of each.
He has the children every other weekend but he now wants to have them 2 days during the alternate week as well. The problem is I have concerns about him based on the following facts:

1. My son is asthmatic therefore it was very important for him to be shielded during the pandemic. On the 30th of May the father took both children to a play date at a friend's house, although the government rules clearly did not allow it. On the 27th of June there was a party at his house with people from at least 6 different households and the children were kissed and hugged by these people. Upon their return home, the children stated that most people at the party were drunk and the party continued into the night with loud music, obviously not an appropriate place for the children to spend the night
2. He has movie nights with the children starting as late as 10 pm or even 11 pm. My daughter always falls asleep and has to be moved to her bed after the film ends, thus waking up. My son always watches the movies until the end meaning he goes to bed as late as midnight or 1 am. Guideline for 7 year old is minimum 10.5 hours sleep per night. The children always wake up between 7 am and 8 am.
4. He only offers the children juice and no water and feeds them mostly junk food and machine made soup (no fresh fruit or fresh veggies). Almost every time the children come home feeling sick, having tummy aches and being extremely tired
5. He does not shower the children at all throughout the weekend
6. My son spends a lot of time during the weekends with his father on electronic devices, mostly playing video games, instead of spending quality time with his father.

I think it would be in the best interest of the children to just spend a couple of hours quality time with their father during those 2 days in the week, instead of going to his place for 2 whole days. He is working from home and does not have time to spend with the children and cannot dedicate anytime to their school work. He cannot even have a video chat longer than 5 minutes with the children during the week as he 'has work to do'.

Could you please let me know if you believe my worries to be justifiable?
Thank you.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: My children's father

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jul 20, 2020 1:11 pm

Dear KrisztaOZ
Welcome to the Parent’s Forum. I am Suzie, FRG’s online adviser. We advise about children services (social services) so I am not able to give you detailed advice.
I suggest you speak to Family lives who can advise you about parenting and whether dads parenting falls below acceptable standards.
You could also speak to Asthma UK about the corona virus and how to protect children who have asthma. You could then show dad as I am sure he would not want to put your son at risk.

Have you discussed your concerns with dad such as the late nights? If not, can you speak to him? You do not have to agree to the children having contact with dad in the week -as you are worried that late nights might affect their schoolwork. If he wanted to pursue it and ask the court to order more contact then there would usually be mediation (MIAM) appointment first, where you could discuss your concerns and try to come to an agreement. Please look at the Family Mediation council website.
I hope my advice helps.
Best wishes,

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