Child under sgo, wanting to try again.

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Table cloth
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Joined: Sat Apr 04, 2020 2:01 am

Child under sgo, wanting to try again.

Post by Table cloth » Tue Jun 23, 2020 3:22 am

Ive previously written before about my son who was removed from my care at 10 weeks old and placed on an sgo. This was because of him suffering what was determined to be a "non accidental injury" (a very small subdural hematoma) the courts findings where that either myself or my partner caused the injury, so we where both left in the pool. There was no fact finding hearing, as the 26weeks had already passed and ss and the court pushed to end proceedings that day in court and, knowing it would have no baring on the outcome i felt it was better for my son to have his plan for perminance made that day and felt pressured into not pushing for a fact finding hearing.

Im still with my partner, neither of us purposefully caused the injury to our son. Although with nearly 3 years reflecting on everything, our parenting, the injury, the way we engaged with social services ect we have identified areas where we failed our son. Its extremely hard for us to say but we did fail him, in more ways then one, and although we did not purposefully cause the injury we do have to accept that either one of us could have accidentally caused it. We weren't as careful as we should have been, i myself was 18, a care leaver with 0 experience of babies and i did what was at the time my best - it was not good enough by miles. I pushed away support networks for fear they had sinister intentions. I didn't work well with social services, refused to accept some of their concerns and became easily frustrated with them. Both myself and my partner know that we cannot say our actions didn't cause the injury, he handled him probably too eough for his age, his pram fell off a curb as i was walking with him and i thought nothing of it because he seemed fine. We greatly failed our son.

We would like the opertunity to be parents, and can identify areas in which we fauled previously, so know what we need to do to do better this time, and what areas we need support in. I have searched and there doesn't seem to be any way or opertunity to do any courses or assessments before becoming pregnant.

We are willing to fully comply with social services and understand that if i do become pregnant it is most likely that unborn baby would be put on a child protection plan, i need advice on how to stay at that, how to satisfy social services that we are not a risk to a future child, that the harm caused to our first child was not intentional, and that we have learned, and taken steps to make sure that does not happen again. Will they allow us the chance to safely and successfully parent a child, or are they more likely to remove at birth due to our first childs injury? Is there anything more i can do before getting pregnant, anything i can do while pregnant? I intend to be completely open and honest from day 1.

We have even descused with my mother in law about our desire to have another child and she has offered for us move in with her with baby for as long as is nessasary, for supercision, support, ect. (she is an ex Foster carer)

We are honestly prepared to do anything to protect the baby, and prove that we can be good parents.
I know social services will look at the reason for precious removal (in this case unexplained injury) and look to see significant changes that would mean that is no longer a risk. Is there something we can do regarding this, or is it impossible in these circumstances?

Im sorry this is so long, I'm a mother, ive been a mother long before i had my first child, i never had any other dreams in life other then to be a mother. And i can be a good mum, i just need them to give me a chance, but there's no point in me getting pregnant id they're just likely to remove at birth and not ecen give us a chance.

(we have moved from XXXXXX to XXXXXX)

And i am in the process of sorting out private therapy for my mental health issues because i cant sit indefinitely on NHS waiting lists ect.

I apreciate you reading all of thus and takibg time to respond to me x
Last edited by Suzie, FRG Adviser on Tue Jun 23, 2020 1:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Post moderated to protect anonymity

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Child under sgo, wanting to try again.

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jul 06, 2020 9:35 am

Dear Table Cloth,

Welcome back to the Parents Forum.

I can see that some of your questions are similar to those you asked in your last post. So I refer you back to that for some of my advice.

Your questions are about having another child and whether there have been enough changes to prevent children services successfully asking the court to remove any future child from you. I expect court proceedings will certainly be considered as an option in respect of any future child you have because of the last court proceedings. But many parents go on to keep subsequent children because they have made the necessary changes. You post shows that you certainly have some insight about what went wrong in relation to your son and you are keen to do what you need to do to look after and care for another child. That is a good starting point. What else can you do? Is there Pause in your local authority area? They provide help where a mother has a risk of having further children removed from her.
I note you were so young and a care leaver when your son was removed from you. That would have put you in a difficult position. A lot can change in those years.
But having been in care means you should be able to access extra support such as therapeutic support via the local authority who was looking after you. Did you at the time or were you ever offered that extra support? If not, go back to your local authority and ask what might be available now as I can see that you say you are on long waiting lists via the NHS.
You could also speak to the helpline at Become. who advise care leavers.

I suggest you also contact Parent’s Accused who advise when there has been alleged non accidental injury to a child.

You should also speak to the solicitor who represented you in the court proceedings about what changes need to happen to enable you to keep and care for another child. Your solicitor will know your case very well.

If there is a court judgment, get a copy of this as it will outline the reasoning behind your son not returning home to you. You could also read through the Guardians report and the social workers statements. Was there any psychiatric or psychological report? If so, what therapy was recommended. Make sure that is the therapy you get. You might then be re- assessed by that particular expert to see what changes have occurred.
You said there was not a fact- finding hearing but the court accepted that either you or your partner caused the injury. You say that it was by accident. Was it explored and accepted by the court to be an accident?
If you know you did not cause the injury, then can you protect a baby against your partner causing an injury to a future child? Is your partner also looking for help and support? S/he would also need to be doing what you are doing and accessing support.

It is a very helpful that your mother in law is prepared to be assessed to look after your baby and supervise you and the other parent while your baby is young. This could be a good plan to put forward to prevent your baby being removed from you while there are ongoing court proceedings.
I have only been able to give general advice. If you need further help and support, please post again or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,

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