My ex refused to attend a MIAM is court the next step?

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Runnermum16
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Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:33 pm

My ex refused to attend a MIAM is court the next step?

Post by Runnermum16 » Mon Mar 02, 2020 9:34 am

I was given a court order last November 2019 with restricted access to my children due to being involved in a relationship. I ended that relationship in August and the court order was still granted. It was agreed that myself and my ex would attend mediation to discuss further contact and additional contact would be agreed by summer 2020.
I msgdmy ex several times asking about further contact especially during the school holidays etc. To which he just ignored me. I booked a mediation appointment for myself and the mediator sent him an invitation. He has declined this and I hve been given the court application form. Is it worth applying or should I wait a bit longer?

My ex partner has always been severely controlling and is the master of manipulation. My son often gets upset and says he really doesn't know what to do cos he doesn't want to upset anyone, says it's easier with things as they are but wants to stay with me more.... I've recently attended counselling for my exs controlling behavior as even now after almost 5 years it still affects me. I am concerned it is also beginning to affect my children but The CS really do not seem too bothered about it.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: My ex refused to attend a MIAM is court the next step?

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Mar 30, 2020 11:25 am

Dear Runnermum16

Thank you for your further post. I am sorry that you are still experiencing difficulties in relation to contact with your children. You have offered mediation to your children’s father which he declined and are now wondering if you should make a court application as you were hoping to extend contact. As this is a private law issue which is outside our remit it may be a good idea to get advice from Child Law Advice or Rights of Women who are able to offer advice in this area.

Please be aware that there is evolving government guidance around family law in relation to the impact of Coronavirus (Covid-19) and it would be a good idea to check for updated website information on organisations’ websites to find clarification. Child Law Advice has now produced some very helpful FAQs which should help you at this time. Please be aware that the family courts are likely to be overwhelmed at present, and most court hearings will be remote – it may not be a good time to make a court application.

There are some practical tips on ways to support children during this current situation from page 12 of our just published advice for parents and families with a child in the care system which you may find useful even though your children are not in care.

You are also worried that your son is getting upset about the situation and that the children are being affected by their father’s controlling behaviour as are you. It sounds as if children’s services are aware of your concerns but not making any recommendations or offering you support around this. If you are unhappy with their response or are able to say what help you think the children need then do formally let the social worker know this by putting it in writing and stating what you would like them to do.

I hope this is helpful.

With best wishes

Suzie

Runnermum16
Posts: 45
Joined: Sat Mar 16, 2019 2:33 pm

Re: My ex refused to attend a MIAM is court the next step?

Post by Runnermum16 » Mon Mar 30, 2020 6:03 pm

Hi suzie,

Many thanks for your response. I have tried yet again to speak with the childrens father regarding further contact especially during this difficult time.... I am a key worker myself (in deliveries) an have been working extra hard, seeing and hearing how the situation is affecting people. I get constantly ignored by the childrens father, he views my msgs but does not acknowledge them. He has even actually discussed dropping off and collecting them during this situation, I'm just accepting whatever happens.

Its becoming more and more frustrating as he simply ignores me. I took my son to the doctors due to ongoing absence from school (his dad was allowing him to have time off as he was saying he had stomach ache) and my ex questionee why I was taking my son to the doctors....

I haven't yet applied to the court but my mediation certificate expires end of May and I don't want to miss the deadline...

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: My ex refused to attend a MIAM is court the next step?

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Apr 08, 2020 11:12 am

Dear Runnermum16,

I can see how frustrating and distressing it must be for you to get no response from the children’s father when you want to discuss contact increasing.
You say that your mediation certificate expires at the end of May meaning you would need to start the application before that time, otherwise you go back to the beginning of the process.

If you decide to that look at the new rules (due to COVID) for making a C100 online application.

Although the law about parental responsibility says that parents can exercise it separately from each other, it sometimes can be a good idea, where parent can and it is safe to do so, to let other parents know about decisions you make such as taking children to see a doctor.
See page 5 of our advice sheet about parental responsibility which gives some guidance about this.

I can see how busy you are being a key worker at this time as well. Stay safe.

Best wishes,
Suzie

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