What access will my violent ex have to my child?

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What access will my violent ex have to my child?

Post by Boomzaramae » Mon Feb 24, 2020 7:53 pm

What chance does my ex partner have at getting any access to my child? We were together 3 years, he was very abusive verbally and physically towards me and it came to an end when he attacked me holding my child and again in front of my child. A court case is upcoming for the assault by beating charge. He’s an alcoholic and a drug user and associates himself with the same people. He is now in a relationship with someone that has too been convicted of domestic violence and has had her kids taken out of her custody. He never supported me during the pregnancy, told me to abort the baby and threatened to kick my head in when I was 6 months pregnant. He has time again said my child does not need a father, and he is very mentally unstable. He has sent me pictures cutting himself and regularly threatens to kill him self, once the police was called because of his threats of suicide. I have text messages from his mum saying if he ever has access to my child it needs to be supervised. The assault was 4 months ago and I offered him supervised then if he proved he would get help for alcohol, drug and mental issues. And he refused. But now I have received a letter from his mum saying unless I agree to him seeing my daughter twice a week unsupervised and for it to be built up slowly they are taking me to court. His name is on the birth certificate but ideally I want him to have zero contact with my child as I truly believe even supervised he is a danger to her if not physically, then mentally. Do you have any advice on what he would be entitled to? Thanks

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: What access will my violent ex have to my child?

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Mar 06, 2020 6:01 pm

Dear Boomzaramae

Thank you for posting on the parents’ discussion forum.

I am sorry to see that you are having a difficult time with the father of your child both in respect of the domestic violence you suffered and in relation to his subsequent behaviour and him having contact with the child. Are there bail conditions since he is contacting you as well as his mother for him.

Your post relates to private law issues because it relates to contact. You do not say whether there is any children’s services (the new name for social services) with you at present. If a social worker is involved then you should discuss contact with him or her. The father’s background of domestic violence would be very concerning for them.

Regarding the mother’s threat of court, she cannot force you to allow contact. If the father wants contact then he would have to apply to the court if you do not agree. The court will only make an order for contact if it would be in your child’s interests for this to happen. I do not think you should be worried about going to court. Contact is for the child’s benefit not the parent’s. It will be court who makes the decision about contact taking account of all the evidence including a report about what is best for the child. This report may be prepared by children’s services. The father shares parental responsibility because his name is on the birth certificate but this is not to give him the right for contact if the child's welfare suggest that contact should not happen.

I think you may find it helpful to contact Rights of Women on 020 7251 1137 who will be able to offer you help and support. You may also wish to contact Women’s Aid on 0808 200 0247. Both organisations should be able to advise you in respect both domestic violence and contact.

You can also get advice about going to court from Child Law Advice on 0300 330 5480 they offer advice to persons who do not have a solicitor in a court case.

Our service advises where children’s services are involved but not in respect of private law matters although I have given some suggestions and signposted you to organisations which can advise and assist you.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes


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