Really need some help and advice

Post Reply
Posts: 20
Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2019 3:56 pm

Really need some help and advice

Post by LMBSE1971 » Sun Dec 29, 2019 1:01 pm

Have just spent a horrible christmas. My ex and I separated well over a year ago due to DV and SS involvemeent but they refuse to let go. I spent 9 months receiving `support` from a student social! Worker which was really just her interviewing me and the children every two weeks and making notes. I made a complaint about her and the process which I was bullied into retracting. She qualified in July 2019 and immediately went into a job with the LA and called a CP conference which put my children on the CP register (only other attendees were the children's two schools who said that although they had no concerns they felt they needed to side with the SW. She also called a professional strategy meeting to remove me from my job which plunged us into poverty.

I was referred by the SW to a local CAB project for budgeting support and a local DV charity. She requested which people were to work with me specifically. On several occasions I have seen the DV support woman going into private meetings with the SW following core groups etc

Both organisations sent people who asked me lots of questions and it all felt like an extension of the evidence gathering process. Rather than focussing on my support needs they were asking about my living arrangements, mental health etc. The DV support worker is the worst of all,very intrusive and controlling . The last core group the sw basically threatened to remove the children. Apparently because I can't come to terms with what SS has done to myself and my children. (Aged 9 and 13 and both very upset and angry)I am now a risk to them as I don't put them first.

In the CP review conference the iRO offered to hear the case again in 4 months instead of 6 but the SW has now managed to push this back to 5 months.

I can't cope anymore. I know they are trying to get enough evidence for care proceedings (at the moment they dont) and have been trying to collate it for several months. I can't take anymore constant watching and scrutiny as being questioned like a criminal by these people. Please someone help

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2781
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Really need some help and advice

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Tue Jan 14, 2020 3:00 pm

Dear LMBSE1971

Thank you for your further post and apologies for not being able to respond sooner. I am sorry to hear that you had such a difficult Christmas. You continue to find the child protection process very difficult to work with.

I am sorry that you are finding the process to be so intrusive and that you feel you are being questioned like a criminal. The social worker’s referrals to a CAB project for budgeting support and a domestic violence organisation because of the history of domestic violence you have experienced sound as if they were made in good faith with the intention of helping you. Unfortunately you are not finding them helpful. I guess that the workers have to ask some questions in order to help you budget and put the right support in place for you. Have you tried speaking to the workers directly about this? That is probably the best way forward. As there is a child protection plan in place for the children the workers would need to update the social worker/core group about any relevant information or concerns but the purpose of their role is not to gather evidence on behalf of children’s services but to provide you with the support you need.

You are very worried about the possibility of care proceedings although you are also clear that the threshold has not been met at the moment. Your previous posts show that although you have always found the situation challenging you have managed to cooperate. Do continue to do so as it is the best option for you and the children. Perhaps these tips on working with your social worker would help. You can also ask the social worker to give you regular feedback and to make sure that you are properly informed. This may help you to feel that you can manage the situation better.

You are finding it hard to cope at the moment. Do you have any emotional support for yourself – from family, friends, your GP or any other services such as Family Lives who offer telephone and online parenting support or any of the helplines available to support anyone who is feeling stressed or distressed? It is important that you look after your own wellbeing too as well as caring for the children.

I hope this is helpful.

If you would like to speak directly to an FRG adviser please do contact our Freephone helpline 0808 8010366 Mon to Fri 9.30 a.m. – 3.00 p.m.

With best wishes


Post Reply