Can I have a child with my partner

[Gracefulswan]

Less than 10 years ago my partner was arrested on suspicion of murder of a child, along with the child’s mother.
Neither were found guilty as a result of the incident and both were free to lead their normal lives. At the time of the incident my partner and his partner had another baby who was taken away into care.
A few years later my partner had a child with another woman who decided against allowing him to see the baby, he thinks the dad of baby1 contacted her.
I’m more than aware of his past and have every faith he is as innocent as he claims.
We’ve been together almost 5 years and are discussing our future together but this is the one thing that gives me cold feet. I want a child, and I want that child to love me and their father. Will this be possible?

[QuestionMark]

Why did the police not charge either parent, if you don’t mind me asking? What was stated at the child’s inquest? What did the post-mortum find? If it was found that the child passed due to natural causes then this should be raised as this is significant.

Where there other reasons that children’s services removed the other child? Where there concerns around neglect etc? If these concerns were present at the time of removal, has your partner since undertaken any courses or therapy to address such concerns?

If nearly 10 years have passed then children’s services will be looking at what if different now from 10 years ago; what has changed/improved? They’ll also consider whether you’re a protective factor for the child or not.

I hope this helps

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Gracefulswan,

Welcome to the Parents Forum. I am sorry for the delay in responding to your post.

I can see what a difficult decision you have. On the information you give, I can see why you are worried. Your partner was arrested, along with the mother, for the murder of his child and this was less than 10 years ago. He was not found guilty but had his other child, a baby, removed from him by children’s services-by care proceedings- at the same time. He then had a later child and the mother stopped him from having any contact with that child. I assume he has never seen that child.

You want to have a child with your partner but are worried about your partner’s past. Would his past mean he may not be safe to live with his children? On the very limited information you give, it’s very difficult to answer your question but things do not look hopeful and at the best expect assessments by children services and most likely -due to timescales-the risk of you and dad living separately once your baby is born.

However, to get a true understanding of the situation, you need to find out as much as you can about the different proceedings that concerned your partners children.

I suggest you do the following:
• As a starting point, ask your partner about the criminal proceedings against him. How far did they go? Did it go to trial? Can you have sight of the statements and evidence against your partner? Ask him to show you his solicitor’s correspondence? If he has lost anything ask him to get copies from his solicitor.

• As there were care proceedings (family proceedings) in respect of his other baby, there would be a court bundle of papers which will include medical reports and statements. There is likely to be a written judgment of the court which would outline why baby had either suffered significant harm or was likely to suffer significant harm if baby remained in the care of mum and/ or dad. However, there are strict rules about who can see this paperwork.

Your partner should have a copy of this bundle or can get a copy from his solicitor as he would have been a party. He could outline to you, exactly what happened and whether there is any support or courses he could do to make it more likely he could parent a child. However, I would also get information from the authorities.

• Your partner could approach children services himself –and ask what he needs to do to safely care for a baby? Would this ever be a possibility? He could then show you any correspondence he gets back. Or he could show you any correspondence he had with his legal team.

• You could also approach the police yourself or children services. Your partner could give written consent for them to show you relevant information.

• Why did your partner not ask to have contact with his third born baby -from a different relationship? He could have gone to court and asked for a child arrangements order for contact. He could have had an assessment by CAFCASS to see whether he was safe to have any contact.
I have outlined how you could try and finds out what happened and the outcome of the assessments of your partner. This should, in the first instance, help you make a decision.
As questionmark has said in her post, one of the issue would then be, what has changed since that time and how could the change be assessed? So if you did decide to have a child with your current partner expect an assessment by children services which may well be negative.
For information about how the family courts deal with non-accidental injury, please see the discussion by the Child Protection resource.
The Parents Accused website is also helpful.

I can see what a difficult dilemma you have so if you have any questions, please post again or call our confidential advice line for in depth advice and support on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,
Suzie