Scared I’ll never be allowed to keep a baby

[Worried mum 2 be]

I really need some help and advice. I’ve tried calling but had no joy. I am currently 29 weeks pregnant. I have a past of drug addiction and because of this, my other 3 children have been taken away. The first with my mum, the other 2 are in care. I was stupid and didn’t tell the midwife about my past and she inevitably found out and told me she was referring me to social services. I am now terrified that they will take this baby too. I have a stable job now and my own flat. I’ve been clean nearly 4 years. But id been clean 2 years when they took my last child! (But that was a concealed pregnancy, because I was scared they would take it) The only difference was that I was on methadone and the baby had to stay in hospital and be weaned off of the medication. In this time social services decided to take her without even letting me say goodbye. So this time I’m not on any meds. So there’s no reason for the baby to stay in hospital. I’ve been to all my appointments. And am, as far as I’m concerned, trying to do everything right. But I’m still terrified they will take the baby and because of my past, in their eyes, they have grounds. How can I keep my baby this time? Or am I fighting a loosing battle. If they take this one, I’ll never get pregnant again. I can’t keep going through this. Surely because I have changed , they should give me a chance. But all the social workers I’ve met have been horrible and they lie. They say they wanna keep families together, but In my experience , that’s not true. Please someone help.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Worried mum 2 be

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie, FRG's online adviser. I am sorry that you have not been able to get through to the telephone advice service; it is very busy but please do keep trying if you would like to speak to an adviser.

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy. I know this is not an easy time for you as your previous children were removed from your care and you are worried about the same thing happening with this baby. Even though you were not open with your midwife about your three other children not being in your care it is good that you were attending your ante-natal appointments. From what you say, you didn’t do that last time as that pregnancy was concealed. Your midwife had to do the referral to children’s services in view of your previous history and they will need to do a pre-birth assessment.

You describe a number of things that are different this time to last. You are no longer using drugs or methadone; you will probably be asked to demonstrate that you are drug-free and that you can maintain this. Are you in touch with any professionals or agencies who can support this? Be prepared to engage with drug-testing, if asked.

You now have a job and your own home – perhaps this is different to before - and you have attended all your appointments.
You are trying to do things right and this is very positive. These improvements will need to be considered in the assessment alongside the previous concerns and that you did not feel able to be honest with the midwife earlier on in the pregnancy, for the reasons you have explained.

You don’t mention the baby’s father, whether he is the father of any or all of your previous children, whether he is involved or supportive or not. This is also important as he might be seen as a protective factor if there are no concerns about him or alternatively he may be seen as a risk if there are. He should be involved in the assessment.

I don’t know if you are still in contact with your eldest child who is living with your mother or your younger children who you describe as being in care. Again these may be important factors.

You have had a difficult relationships with social workers in the past but it is going to be important that you find a way to work with your current social worker to make a safe plan for your baby when they are born. This may include:

• you understanding and overcoming the problems which led to your previous children being removed and what support you need with your new baby
• the social worker saying what support you will be given when the baby is born to help you care for them,
• considering whether there is anyone else in the baby's family who is suitable to look after your baby if you cannot.

Here are some tips on working with a social worker that might help you think about how to do this.

If children’s services are worried that your baby may be at risk, the social worker will arrange a child protection conference with other professionals to discuss this further. You can find out more about child protection processes here.

Have you been in touch with the solicitor who represented you in the care proceedings for your daughter (or a different solicitor if you prefer)? It is a good idea to do this so that you have access to legal advice at an early stage. They can advise you and help you discuss plans with the social worker, even before your baby is born.

Children's Services could apply to the court for a care order if they have ongoing concerns about a child's safety and well-being and the parents have not been able to sort out the things that they are worried about. They cannot obtain a care order before a baby is born.

You should continue to keep in regular touch with health professionals to make sure you get the ante-natal care that you and your baby need. You could think about services that you think would assist you to support you to safely parent your child; this could include parenting classes or any other services that you think would help.

Your mum has stepped in in the past to care for one of your children. Would your mum or other family and friends (including on the baby’s father side) be willing to become involved either to help you care for the baby or to care for the baby if you cannot? You could ask for a family group conference to be arranged to help bring your network together to try to make a safe plan for the baby.

Make sure that you ask the social worker to keep you fully updated during the assessment and to discuss the outcome fully with you. You are very welcome to contact us again as the situation progresses if you need further advice.

Other parents on the discussion board may want to add some suggestions from their experiences.

I hope this helps.

Best wishes

Suzie