Partner smacked and pushed my two year old. Can social services force me not to see him?

[jgjgjljl]

Hi, recently my boyfriend and I were arrested on suspicion of assaulting my two year old. Boyfriend lied at first police interview and said he knew nothing about it, didn't try to pin any blame on me at all. Once we got home though we had a discussion about it and he broke down in tears, admitting he had done two things. Firstly pushed him out of annoyance at his behaviour, he landed back against a dolls house and hard pieces and bruised his back, secondly he smacked him on the stomach because he pooed in his nappy. He took full responsibility and accepted how wrong and bad that was to me, we were both aware he had anger issues but not to the point he could last out like this. He is already going through the doctors to get counselling and aid for this. My partner is a really really good person, he has tried so hard with my kids in the 8 months I have known him, I know he loves them a lot and I can see it breaks his heart what he has done. They are not his children and their father correctly made the accusation to police because of the mark on his stomach. Social services have not given my kids back yet, eventhough he has completely admitted it to police and been cautioned (lawyer said he was the most remorseful person she had worked with yet). I feel like they are trying to force and blackmail me with my own kids to never see him again. Are they allowed to do this? Can they even? I don't know what to do, I love him so much and I want to support him through his counselling and I hope one day we could still have a life together. I know he is a good person and hates himself for what he did. I will not let him see the kids again now of course, if I did at all that would be in a long, long time when he could prove he has clearly dealtwith his anger. So yeah.. I feel like im being5 bullied into a choice, advice please?
Thanks

[Miserylovescompany2]

Hello

Might I politely request that you read through your post as if you were reading the post of a person you've never met - what advice would you give that person?

[jgjgjljl]

Sorry I probably didn't make it clear, if I do have to choose between my kids and my partner I will choose my kids of course! Im just asking if they can force and bully me into not having contact with him that is all.

[Miserylovescompany2]

Yes, Children's services can request and will expect zero contact. They have to ensure children are safe and protected from harm. This also includes future harm. Any contact will be viewed as not placing the children first.

If they think you will continue any form of relationship they (CS) will likely recommend that the children are not returned to your care. As the children were harmed in your care (even though by another) the emphasis will still be placed on you as you were unable to protect. If you were for example to continue communication in any way, shape or form the CS will see this as a red flag.

[jgjgjljl]

Okay well thanks for your response. I understand that they have to make sure the kids are being put first of course. But I only have them half the week anyway usually, the other half they are with their father. I figured perhaps contact in those times wouldn't be an issue, especially if he can prove he is attending anger counselling, and he even mentioned going to parenting courses, even though he isn't one. Even with them knowing all this, they will not give me my children back unless I guarantee no contact with him, ever again? I understand about how it may seem they are not being put first but.. they are, anytime I have my children will be solely dedicated to them and he will NOT be allowed contact with them. It just really sucks because I know he loves them, he said the only reason he lied was because he was so scared to lose everything he had and admitted it was selfish of him. I don't know... I just really feel like I shouldn't be bullied and forced to make that choice... :/

[QuestionMark]

Can I offer some food for thought? Think of this from your son's perspective.. you say in your post that you really want a life with your partner and presumably, that life you imagine includes your children. Will your son feel safe? Even if your partner does all these courses, your son will have experienced a severe trauma, physically and emotionally and if your son doesn't feel safe, doesn't like the partner you have or may even hate him - is that a healthy, happy life? Your son will be afraid and the fact that there was a mark on this stomach just evidences the kind of impact he experienced x

[jgjgjljl]

I understand what you are saying, there has never been sustained abuse and my son didn't seem scared of my partner at all. They were always playing and running around the house even just after this had happened. I only have my kids half of the week, the other half they are with their dad. I was planning on sticking with my boyfriend but ONLY letting him in the house when the kids are at their dads, and he has agreed it is best to not see them until he can completely prove how he has changed. I think somewhere down the line perhaps a year or two or even three then reintroducing him into their life should not be a problem? Again, only if he can prove to me and social services the changes he has made.

[QuestionMark]

I suggest your partner starts working on completing courses; the NSPCC provided a few affordable online courses - that would be a good starting point. Be prepared for social services to accuse you of not being able to see the risk, however. You could argue this by saying that he won't be present when your children are but I have no doubt they'll essentially say 'how can we believe you?' - they may also say that you choose relationships over your children (they tried this in my case and I'm not even in a relationship) but it depends on the social worker really.