Can SS demand daughter leaves family home?

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Mancave123
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Nov 28, 2018 11:11 pm

Can SS demand daughter leaves family home?

Post by Mancave123 » Mon Dec 03, 2018 10:13 pm

I'll try and make this as short as possible.....
I don't want to dwell on the past or have anyone make assumptions but in a nut shell, my daughter has lost her baby son to social care where he is currently being fostered. She has contact twice a week. She has never caused him any hurt nor has he come to harm during his time with her as a baby.. She is currently very happy to be at home and this is soon to become a very unhappy household..
The SS are making court proceedings to have him adopted and have made it quite clear they do not want my daughter to be a part of his life to some degree. We have just today gone through a viability hearing to check our suitability as permanent carers for him. The SS have told us that if we gain care of him, our daughter must not reside in the family home despite our want for them to build their relationship under our roof... We have to evict her!!!.. They intend to put her in a hostel but we said no to that as it will have a very negative effect on her and if she failed that, she would end up homeless.. They have also said they will reduce her already minimal contact to facilitate our bonding with him.. The SS have basically emotionally blackmailed us in to considering our grandson over our daughter.. How cruel for any parent to have to make that decision... We are absolutely appalled and heart broken at having to make such a terrible, draconian decision of one child over the other despite the maternal and best needs for him. We want to work with our daughter to be with him but it's not looking good...
We have been told by THEM that if we don't agree to that, then our grandson will subject to adoption proceedings..... Unless the court decides otherwise.
What I am asking here is... Can the SS insist I kick my daughter out to facilitate her son.. our grandson? This is totally unbelievable, cruel, hurtful and evil that they can even ask us to do this. They have not had the balls to tell her themselves, they have left it to us to break the news.. She has a solicitor who quite frankly, is useless and as we are involved in the situation, we have no say!!!!

Miserylovescompany2
Posts: 220
Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2017 6:55 pm

Re: Can SS demand daughter leaves family home?

Post by Miserylovescompany2 » Wed Dec 05, 2018 10:21 am

Hello

To put this bluntly - CS main concern is the child. They have no emotional attachment to your daughter. Their decision making is detached from emotions. Your daughter is viewed as an obstacle. Her need for emotional support doesn't really come into this. Your daughter's world has come crashing down around her. Of course she is going to need support. What they are suggesting is cruel and detached. Tread carefully, if you put your daughters need above that of the child you will not be viewed positively. Your grandchild could be adopted if CS feel you can not put their need first. You can not undo that!

Get some advice around your options. You could potentially go for the family foster carer route. This would allow your daughter to hold shared PR. Obviously I don't know the case or history. This route could give your daughter time and space to sort out her life and address any concerns. You need to know all options available so you and your family can make an informed decision.

If your daughter is perceived as a risk or potential risk. She can not be in your home until the risk has been addressed. Think about how you can support her away from your home. What other support system could be built around her? What services does she need to be accessing.

Suzie the FRG advisor will probably move your post to the family and carers board.

I hope my response has not come across as harsh or insensitive. I am a parent just like you and your daughter. I wanted to give the view from an outsider.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Can SS demand daughter leaves family home?

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Dec 12, 2018 12:06 pm

Dear Mancave123,

Welcome to the Parents Forum.
I can see that you are a grandparent who is being assessed as a long term carer for your grandson, in case the court decide that it is not safe for him to be brought up by either your daughter or his father.
Misery has given you a lot of advice and as she says, you may get a lot more help and support from other friends and family carers who are or who have been in the same position as you, if you posted on the Friends and family carers board. See here .

However, I can hopefully address some of the points you have raised in this post.
It appears that children services have taken care proceedings to obtain parental responsibility for your grandson so that they can made decisions about his life including where he lives and who he sees.

You do not say why children services have taken care proceedings. But it will be due to them having some evidence that your grandson has suffered “significant harm” or likely to suffer significant harm due to mums care of him or failure to her protect him from significant harm. (For example, from domestic violence).

Here is our advice sheet about care proceedings.

Mum (and most likely dad as well-if he was married to mum or signed your grandson’s the birth certificate) will also have parental responsibility for your grandson.

The court (care) proceedings should be completed within 26 weeks. If the court decide that the "threshold criteria" has been met, then at the end of the proceedings, the court will be make a decision as to where your grandson will be living permanently.
The choices for the court are:
• First, the court will consider Mum and or dad-if they can provide safe and “good enough” parenting. Your daughter will have had various assessments to find out about her parenting and whether she needs any support to help her parent your grandson. If the assessments are successful, then the court is likely to make a decision that her son returns home to her.
• Second, if the parents are not an option, the court will consider any family and friends who have been assessed.
• Third, if the assessments of the family are negative, the court will consider your grandson staying in long term foster care or if he is young then being adopted. You say adoption is being considered. When a child is young, the court expect children services to parallel plan for a child to be adopted.
Adoption is the last resort-if there is no suitable long term carer within the family or friend network. Adoption would mean mum and dad losing their parental responsibility and usually they may only have indirect contact-by letter once or twice a year until your grandson is 18. In effect the family are unlikely to see him again until he is an adult.

The fostering assessment of you
You ask whether children services can insist that you put your grandson first before your daughter and ask that you kick her out of the family home and restrict her access to it.
Yes they can because she may be dangerous to him-ie cause him to suffer significant harm. You need to show that you can put your grandson’s needs before your daughter. That you will protect your grandson from your daughter by supervising her contact with him.

To get a better idea of what is expected of you, you should read through our advice sheet 22 about fostering assessments . Look at pages 7 to 9 and 14.

As you can see from page 9, one important part of the assessment, is whether you can protect your grandson from any risks. If mum is seen to be risky to him-that she might cause him some harm or fail to protect him from being hurt-then you would need to know what the harm could be so that you could protect your grandson from it.
Usually, as the social worker has said, you would have to supervise any contact between mum and child. If she lived with you, how could you do this every hour of the day and night? I don’t think you can.

Page 9 of the advice sheet explains what “permanency means”. I suggest you read through that page. It sets out how you will become the permanent parent of your grandson, meeting all his needs as he grows up. Mum will have to take a step back to allow your grandson to attach to his new parent-you. She may have supervised contact with him and still keep the legal parental responsibility but her role in his life will be limited.
So that is why the social worker who is assessing you is talking about mum’s contact being restricted to allow your grandson to attach to you.

Is there anyone else in the family and friend network “connected”- to your grandson who could be assessed as a long term carer to avoid him being adopted?

If so, they urgently need to give their contact details to the social worker, the court or mums solicitor so they can be assessed like you.

Has there been a family group conference ?
This is where the family and friends are helped by an independent coordinator to get together in a meeting to consider what support they could offer mum if her son was reunited with her. It can also be used to find family who can be assessed to care for your grandson long term, in case he cannot return to mum and to avoid him being adopted.
If not, it is late in the day to ask for a family group conference but I suggest mum considers this.

You point out that you have no say in the care proceedings. However, although you are not currently a party to the proceedings, you should consider going to the court hearings. All the parties will be discussing the case outside court and it will be your chance to meet with the guardian (who represents your grandson in court and assesses what is in his best interests.)

You may also have to apply to court for an order, if it is decided that you will become your grandsons carer.

I hope my post goes some way to explain what is happening in the court proceedings. However, I strongly advise you to call our free and confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,

Suzie

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