Experiences of sex offender living with baby

[hulahoop]

Hi, I'm after some advice or experiences on behalf of my SIL.

A brief explanation of our circumstance is that a few years ago my BIL was charged with possession of indecent images, in all 3 categories and some with very young children. He received a custodial sentence of 18months. He has been out a while and is on the sex offender register for 10 years. His probation officer and now police worker are apparently very happy with him and have recently downgraded him to 'low risk'.

I myself have young children, who he doesn't currently haven't contact with although this has been discussed as an option with the relevant authorities and restrictions have been put in place (by Children's services) should we all get to a point where we feel we want this contact to go ahead.

My question is that my SIL and BIL want their own children and they have discussed this with his police worker who has told them it 'shouldnt be a problem'. I have told them all of the restrictions that children's services have put in place for my own children for just minimal contact (such as 100% supervision, no overnight stays in the same house, no personal care, minimal physical contact etc.) , so I just cant see that children services would put less restrictions in place if they had their own baby!

I'm concerned that they are being falsely led by their police worker into a situation where they think they can live happily ever after and my SIL will find herself alone with a newborn and my BIL being told he cant live in the same house and only have contact a few times a week.

I have read some posts form the last few years from people on here in similar situations and just wondered if anyone could say what happened in their situation? (I know all cases and councils are different but just a general idea would be great).

Thank you in advance.

[mva17]

i am not sure, but i think they can still live as a couple as they haven't got any kids. My husband is classified as low risk as well, and he can see the kids 100 supervised by me and can't live in the house. imposed by children services. when he got his visit from the police worker he told him that didn't understand why he live by himself. i honestly don't understand why probation officer don't explain the reality to them about children services and the implications as this makes a false sense of security, and doesn't help at all, it make me feel bad.

[hulahoop]

Thank you for your response. Yes this is my concern, that Children's Services wont allow him to live in the same house, but they are being lead to believe he will be able to.

Can I ask, is your husband allowed to see his children (with you) whenever you wish or is this restricted to x amount of times per week.

Also have children's services made you inform your children of your husband's conviction 'in an age appropriate way'? (I've read this has happened to other people on this forum but not sure if this is 100% of the time or only certain offences etc.)

Sorry to throw so many questions at you, I really appreciate you taking to time to reply to my post.

[mva17]

Children services are happy for me to decide how and when he can see the children as long as he is always supervised by me or by someone that i trust. they ask me what the kids knew about the situation but didn't bother that my little one (8 yeas old) doesn't know much.

[hulahoop]

Thank you so much

[DD2SS]

Hi hulahoop

When I was on the SOR, I remember the police saying to me "you're not thinking of having kids with [my partner] at the moment are you? Children's services will give you a world of pain!" Judging by a lot of the stories on this forum, that was probably good advice!

It seems to me that the treatment of online offences and child contact by CS vary wildly, as you say. The facts in your BIL/SIL's case are that his offence was severe enough to attract a custodial sentence, he remains on the SOR, his offences involved young children, and if she was to get pregnant then the police would be obliged to inform CS through MAPPA arrangements. I think they would be naive to think that CS wouldn't be involved, although it is very difficult to say what the nature of that involvement would be - but I doubt it would be altogether positive.

If he was off the SOR then I'm not sure that there would be a mechanism for CS to be informed, although of course a referral could be made by anyone and they would still see it as an issue. So they could wait. Or, in the knowledge that CS would be informed regardless while he was on the SOR, perhaps they could approach them first before getting pregnant and deal with the problem head on. I'm not sure that CS finding out during pregnancy would be much fun for anyone or great for the experience of pregnancy.

[hulahoop]

Thank you DD2SS, that is my exact feeling and concern.

It remains a difficult and sensitive subject to discuss but I will continue to try and help them face the true reality of this before it is too late.

[Mysterious girl]

Hi there

I posted in this site a few years ago, and now have a 2 and a half year old with my partner who is on the sex offenders register. It has been hard, I've had to raise my child alone as dad isn't allowed any unsupervised contact and is not allowed to stay overnight. I'm hoping something changes when he's off the register (in just 6 weeks thank god) but I am so scared about getting pregnant again after seeing that midwives ask if there has been any past involvement with ss because every midwife appointment with my little boy was about his conviction and I felt like it should of been about the baby, I used to get really upset about it and scared it happens again xxxx

[Maddog77]

Hi could someone please help me out ! I'm actually worried sick. I've never posted on here so forgive me if it's wrong. I'll try be very brief with this difficult to no where to start.

Ok so I was happily married for 7 year our little boy just turned 3 We found out that I was pregnant again which was a complete shock. Anyway we were referred to a specialist family unit threw child services due to concerns that our son wasn't meeting his milestones and showing strange behaviour. I was fine with that as I wasn't sure why our son was acting way he was. (Turned out he was diagnoses as being autistic)
My husband was in charge of getting him to nursery and collecting him as I was quite sick with the pregnancy.

Not long after the referel my husband sat me down late at night and started to speak, I felt like everything was in slow motion I could hear the words touched. A child it was a long time ago and aft that I can't remember much . My world has just collapsed around me and I couldn't catch it.

Turned out husband was a schedule 1 offender he touched a child's private parts with his hands almost 30 year ago. He was given a fine and that was it. However ten year later he met a woman at a wedding they were drunk apparently and the rest I'm sure u can imagine. He was found guilty of sexual assault he was fined and put on register for 3 year.

Now here's the problem I have , children services had that convictions on there internal system , they then went on to share this information with my sons nursery and also health visitor and also another professional manager. They were apparently instructed not to tell me. I found out almost 9 weeks later when child services caught my husband at the nursery and told him he had 3 days to tell me.

I logged complaint for failing share information and for placing my son at significant risk of harm and for the nursery allowing him to be collected and dropped of unsupervised knowing the convictions this man had. Complaint upheld but no action taken. Launched legal battle to be told it not child sevices fault it's your husbands for not telling u.

Herees the problem he has been of the register for around 10 year poss bit more public protection informed me there are no legal restriction against him at all. Child services have given me a list that I must follow as in no unsupervised contact, no. Personal care etc which I have followed. They kept telling me how dangerous this man was so I had to ask the question so why the hell did u leave my son with him then for almost 9 weeks ?

What I really need to no is do I need a court order for contact because he has no legal restrictions against him. This means he could take the kids at any point and I'd need an order to stop it ? And is it likely a court will allow him unsupervised contact with the kids as he has no legal restrictions.? I was so stressed by It. Our daughter was born 2 month premature because all the stress plz plz help

[Taylorswift]

My partner is on licence and sex offenders register. We have a son together and he has full care of him including overnight stays. No restrictions whatsoever so you are being misinformed by your social worker. Stick to your guns and be firm about your rights as they do try it on expecting you will believe they know better. Social services have closed our case now completely and are happy he isn't a risk. We cannot live together yet because I have other children but he is allowed to the house and has contact with my other children. I was very clued up on my rights and was firm but respectful and stood for no messing with them. By the end my social worker and I became almost friends. Be clear you know your rights and don't let them bully you.
Hope things go well for you.