My child told a lie

[AE73]

Hi,
I’m a mum to my 7 year old daughter, I’ve been in a same sex relationship for 15 years and we chose to have a child together, following all the correct procedures.
My daughter slept perfectly until she was 8 months and caught hand, foot and mouth, then to get her to sleep we’d rock her, cuddle her etc which was fine at the time but became a habit hard to break. We asked for help around 2 years of age from HV, family support and then school. Asking for help with her sleep which as she’s got older naturally lack of sleep affects her behaviour.
We finally got decent help through us asking from Early help intervention. A family support worker had regular meetings with us as a family and individually, with absolutely no concerns. All throughout our daughters life we’ve been told what great parents we are, and she’s a real credit to us. My partner and I were both sexually abused as children and have always talked about the triangle area that should never be touched, if anything we’ve overprotected her. Last year a boy asked if he could touch her in her private parts, thank goodness she told us as we’re very open with her, next day we went into school to report it and safeguard our child.
Whilst my daughter was having a meeting with our support worker at school they were discussing her anger issues and how it makes her body feels. My daughter said her body clenches etc to which the family support worker told my daughter to get a massage (this still baffles me) but my daughter states I massage her and it tickles (I massage her neck and shoulders) the suppprt worker then suggests to my 7 year old to ask me to apply more pressure!! My 7 year old runs away with it and says I massage her all over inc her private parts. Instantly she gets put in police protection, I’m released on bail and my daughter gets put with my family. The very next day my daughter told everyone she told a lie because I wouldn’t let her out to play, on her own, outside the front at 6.45pm (me protecting my child) and she said it’s because we tell her no one is to touch her there, that’s why she said that and because the boy just got a telling off, she thought that’s what was going to happen to me. As she implemented my partner being in the house (even though she was never arrested or formally questioned) she couldn’t stay with my partner. CS applied for an ICO and my daughter is now in foster care as CS were worried family may have been putting pressure on her, this is not the case. The police dropped the case as even in my daughters ABE interview she explained it all. 8 weeks In and my daughter is still saying she lied and why she lied. As parents we’ve never had any issues before, my daughter is above average in school, is happy etc. CS are going down every route, we’re waiting on our risk assessments now. We’re trying to pin point where my daughter has got the idea from, was it the boy in school? Or what? We’re trying to suggest everything. I can’t prove I haven’t done it,but they can’t prove I have or haven’t either, they’re saying why would a bright, intelligent child say something like that one day then change her mind the next?! All the reports from professional are good about us. All our supervised contacts are positive. Our next LAC review is August where we get to find out what the LA decision is. What else can we/my daughter do to prove it was a lie? What do CS do in this case? My heart is breaking, my daughter is now so withdrawn, keeps asking to come home and saying she lied. What can we do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated, she’s our world and no one is listening.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear AE73

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for posting.

My name is Suzie, online adviser, at Family Rights Group. I am really sorry to see that you are in such a distressing situation following allegations made by your daughter at school.

Children’s services, as am sure you are aware, have a duty to ensure that children are brought up in a safe environment. It is unfortunate that your daughter made the disclosure she did which lead to immediate action being taken for her to be placed in a place of safety. Was your daughter on a child in need plan and the family support worker provided as a result of this plan? Your daughter appears to require additional support due to her anger issues as you describe it. There was an issue where she was asked by a boy to touch her private parts, was children’s services concerned about this incident or was it not reported to them by the school?

It seems a very odd conversation that you describe between the family support worker and your daughter regarding massage. Did you or your partner ever discuss with the family support worker massage as a way to help your daughter with anger issues?

Your daughter is now under an interim care order and in the care of foster carers. This suggests that children’s services were very concerned that your daughter was at risk in her home. Your post does not say whether there was child protection enquiries before the matter was taken to court.

The interim care order means that children’s services share parental responsibility and it will be for the court at the final hearing to make a decision based on the evidence before the court whether your daughter will return to you care. Do you have any idea of the children’s guardian’s views relating to your daughter and where she should live? As you may be aware the children’s guardian, along with the solicitor for the represents your daughter’s interest and the guardian main concern is her welfare.

Clearly, as you have indicated, the question is why would your daughter make these allegations and I think this is the concern for children’s services. There is also a worry that she may have been told by family to explain that what she said was not true. It is hard to say how this can be resolved and it is a question which the judge may well have to decide at the appropriate time.

It is really positive that you are having good contact with your daughter and good reports from professional. These are things which will be taken into account by the court. Please read our advice sheet Care (and related) proceedings

Children’s services should have provided a care plan to the court regarding what the plans are for your daughter. Does this recommend assessments of you and your partner with a view to making a decision for the final hearing? My suggestion is that you should cooperate and engage openly and honestly with children’s service?

The LAC review will look at how her placement is going, any concerns which you or children’s services might have and how things can move forward in respect of contact or other matters.

I am not able to suggest anything that you or your daughter can do to prove that it was a lie. The children’s guardian will, no doubt, have a talk with your daughter and draw her own conclusions. It will be court that will make the final decision based on all the evidence and your daughter’s welfare being the paramount consideration for the court.

Since you are in care proceedings, you should have a solicitor representing unless you have chosen not to and you ought to make sure that your solicitor is aware of all you concerns. It is important that you work closely with your solicitor so that your views will be made known to the court and children’s services.

You may wish to speak to an adviser and, if so, you can telephone our free, confidential advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday.

Hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie