Social services and police issues.

[Dumbfounded]

I am hoping someone can help me.

Last Friday I was contacted by the police and told I had to get to the police station and under no circumstances was I able to contact my husband. When I got to the police station I was made to wait for a social worker to arrive. When they finally took me into a room they advised me my 2 year old daughter had make some allegations against my husband advising he had touched her and cut her with a sharp knife on her 'bits'. At this point I was absolutely gobsmacked. My husband is a teacher and would never ever do this. They asked me my thoughts and I advised it hadn’t happened, I know my daughter and would know if something was wrong. They advised they may need to go a physical examination for evidence. I immediately volunteered both my daughters for said examination. I was told this may not be necessary.
We went to my daughter’s nursery who had reported it to social services ( I am not angry at all as I understand this needed investigating. )
The police and social services interviewed my daughter and advised I was not allowed to be present.
They came down and asked me what colour my knifes were. I advised they were all black and they were free to go to the house immediately and check themselves. I asked what colour knife my daughter had said it was and they were unable to tell me as it was part of the investigation. My daughter then walked into the room where I was and said ‘Daddy touched my bits’ with a big smile on her face. I was totally shocked.
I was advised I would have to submit both my daughters for an internal investigation at the sexual assault referral centre. I had no issues with this as I knew it hadn’t happened.
I was advised I needed to tell my husband he needed to move out and he was to have zero contact with them including phone calls despite it being fathers day on Sunday under a section 47.
When my husband had moved out later that afternoon, the social worker came to my house to check my fridge and bedrooms, she advised the physical will be a good things as science doesn’t lie. It will provide evidence one way or another, and would safeguard my husband from further allegations.
I took my 4 and 2 year old daughters to the Sarc unit on the Saturday where it was proven nothing at all had happened.
A different social worker rang me that day for an update and I advised the test had found nothing as I knew it wouldn’t, she advised ‘just because there is no evidence, does not mean he didn’t do it’ I lost my temper a bit at this point as it felt like a witchhunt at this point.
My husband was allowed no contact and we were not advised they would inform his job, however made the decision to go and tell the headteacher together that he was under investigation. When we got there on Monday morning they were waiting for us and suspended him immediately the way I knew they would.
On Monday I was told the meeting with the police, Nursery, social services and my 4 year olds school had been conducted and they needed to see me and my husband.
We were told the police were not taking it forward and my husband could move back in. Fantastic. Kids were really pleased to see him. (In the meantime I have been recording lots of lies my 2 year old has said including in front of friends and family.)
We get a phone call on Wednesday advising social services wanted to see me and Husband on our own. The social worker came and advised that the police had re-opened the investigation and Husband needed to leave the house again and the section 47 was back in force, I asked if there was more evidence I was told no but as she had mentioned it 3 times it needed an investigation and the police would be in contact to interview him.
(School and Nursery were not re-informed that the section 47 was back in force by Social Services (SS) only by myself which feels very wrong).
To date we still have had no contact from the police its been almost 9 days of absolute hell and I am getting no support whatsoever. I've been advised it wasn’t the police that re-opened the investigation it was the head of SS. When I asked my social worker she denied this, but it makes sense to me as if the police had re-opened it they would have contacted my husband already. I am being lied to and I do not like it.

Thats a brief outline of the hell I am living.
Have you got any advice. I’m at the end of my tether and both girls are wetting the beds (never happened before) and I hate lying to them. My older daughter 4, advised shed dreamt her daddy had died as he's poorly (this is what I'm telling the girls as I don't know what else to say)

Looking forward to any advice you can give me.

[Kami2018]

You can understand that it child has made this allegation 3 times it's very likely that because of her young age children's services will be wondering how a child would even no to say this kinda thing and u also have to understand that's it's absolute paramount that children's wellbeing and safety is being met

[Dumbfounded]

Of course I understand it has to be investigated, but in front of me, my parents and friends she has said I've done it, and her stuffed elephant has done it.
She also said (in front of others) that she had sore bits and when I asked her what happened, she said I cut myself, sharp knife, when I asked her to show me she proceeded to get her pretend knife out of the play kitchen and stand and say 'I cut myself, share knife' over and over while cutting her fake vegetables.

My issue here is no contact or updates whatsoever, 9 days now and nothing.

[Kami2018]

I understand what your saying and I understand your frustration but until they investigate it thoroughly they won't contact you until they need to as they will be making all sorts of different enquires about everything please stay strong

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Dumbfounded,

I can see how difficult things must have been over the last few weeks with the police and children services investigating allegations of sexual abuse that have been made by your daughter against her father.

Joint investigations by the police and children services had started, were then closed and have now been re-opened.
Dad had to move out of the family home, back in and then back out. That must have been so stressful for the family. You mention about your girls wetting the bed. Do you think they are picking up the stress from you and dad about the assessments.

When you posted, this had been going on for 9 days. But because of the intensity of the early and urgent part of the assessment-it can feel much longer.
unfortunately, children’s services assessments can take up to 9 weeks. Police investigations can take much longer. Did the police take your husbands phone and computer devices? Forensic assessments of these take time.

Here is our advice sheet about child protection procedures which sets out the assessment process and different outcomes.
It is important for me to point out that the police and children services have different roles. The police are investigating to see whether a crime has been committed and because a person’s liberty is at stake they have to obtain evidence that proves “beyond reasonable doubt”. This is very difficult to do, particularly if the witness is a child.

But for children services the evidence is “on the balance of probabilities so 51% to 49%.
This is because one of the roles of children services is to protect children from suffering significant harm so there are often cases where the police do not prosecute but a person will still be seen as risky by children services.

One of the elements of the assessment will be looking at your parenting capacity. This is whether you can meet your children’s needs including protecting them from potential risk of harm. So the social worker will want you to understand that until the full assessment of dad has taken place you have to assume the worse-that he could have sexually abused your daughter-until they have a better understanding about why your daughter said what she did. You both seem to be doing this by cooperating with the assessment.

Given you have not heard anything more from children services, I suggest you email the social worker and team manager and ask what the assessment involves and timescales. Ask the social worker what you and dad can do, to move forward towards dad moving back home.
Here are tips to help parents communicate with social workers.

I think it would be really helpful if you looked at Parents Protect website which advises about sexual abuse or you could ring the Just stop it now helpline on 0808 1000 900.


I hope this advice helps but if you have any questions, please post again or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[Dumbfounded]

Thanks Suzie
All is sorted now, the police interviewed him and took statements from me regarding things she'd said had happened while at friends and family that hadn't happened (and friends had witnessed) and they have stopped the investigation and he has been allowed home, thank heavens. It is now back to re-building the family.
Thank you for your advice.

[Kami2018]

Glad that u got it all sorted out