Desperate to find someone in my shoes

Kami2018
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2018 5:08 pm

Re: Desperate to find someone in my shoes

Postby Kami2018 » Sun Jul 15, 2018 3:08 pm

I think you need to think thick and fast I know it must be very difficult for you as I already stated but u have to see it from there eyes obviously being a SO is a massive concern and weather he has no contact with your daughter or not there will be issues for children's services such as if your in the relationship with him how can you keep a relationship where your daughter will never be allowed ur husband as he's a sex offender and how can any relationship progress further with those restrictions and also the fact he's tried to commit suicide will go hugely againezt him as to them that's mental health issues also children's services must be very concerned if they are now escalating it to child protection if you want to here the honest truth the only way you will be free of them is to split from SO partner sorry hun but its the truth

Seadog01274
Posts: 39
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2018 1:18 pm

Re: Desperate to find someone in my shoes

Postby Seadog01274 » Sun Jul 15, 2018 3:12 pm

I am not wanting to be free of social services as soon as possible, I feel it’s their job to he helping as much as they can in this situation, not finding the qiiest and easiest way to close the case. They have told me wether I chose to stay with him or not they will work with me. As long as he isn’t in contact with my daughter at the moment then I am playing by their rules. They say they can only escalate things further if I break the rules which I am not going to. If I get 4 days a month with my husband for the time being then that is something I will have to learn to live with. I want more help and more support from social services as I don’t feel anyone is helping me deal with my daughter crying herself to sleep at night and asking every day when my husband is coming home. That is their job to be supporting her too.

Kami2018
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2018 5:08 pm

Re: Desperate to find someone in my shoes

Postby Kami2018 » Sun Jul 15, 2018 9:32 pm

Good for you hun you are obeying with there rules they will give u great credit for that and also no that your r safe guarding ur child

Seadog01274
Posts: 39
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2018 1:18 pm

Re: Desperate to find someone in my shoes

Postby Seadog01274 » Sun Jul 15, 2018 9:34 pm

Absolutely il do whatever they tell me to if they are willing to work with me. I’ve lost so much I would never do anything to risk losing my child. I even told her if they would be happier with me going to his mums rather than him coming here I would do that. It’s all the not knowing that’s the difficult bit.

ScaredToBear
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2018 1:39 am

Re: Desperate to find someone in my shoes

Postby ScaredToBear » Wed Jul 18, 2018 11:50 am

I wouldn't say I'm the same boat but I did get my house searched, items taken and arrested. I recently lost my son and girlfriend due to the extreme black cloud over my head and vulture services weighing in. I'm not sure how I'm still living, but I am. :P But yeah.. Just because this man had indecent images, it doesn't mean he harmed your daughter. It doesn't work like that. Say for example a man is attracted to 60 year olds.. It doesn't mean he's into his mum.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2023
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Desperate to find someone in my shoes

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Jul 18, 2018 12:36 pm

Dear Seadog,

I can see that children services are arranging a child protection conference to decide whether or not there should be a child protection plan.

Here is a film and FAQ’s about child protection conferences.

You should get a copy of the social workers report which will be given to everyone at the conference. Read through and make sure it is more or less accurate. If it isn’t, ask the social worker to amend it or make sure the chair of the conference knows about any errors.

It is a meeting which you and your daughter’s father can attend. It will last about 1 to 2 hours and professionals will share information about your family and the risks to your daughter. The meeting is chaired by someone from the safeguarding team who will sum up what has been discussed. Usually the professionals will vote whether or not there should be a child protection plan. The alternative is child in need or no plan.

The threshold for a child protection plan is do they “suspect your daughter has suffered or is likely to suffer significant harm and that risk is ongoing”.
At this stage no one will know fully how risky your husband is. They have to assume he is very risky to your daughter-until he has been properly risk assessed. He may be very low risk.
However, if he was not having any contact with your daughter or only, for example, supervised contact (so she was protected by you from his risk) then there may be no “ongoing risk”.

So there is chance that there may not be a compulsory child protection plan but a child in need plan instead.

A child in need is with your consent. You say you are willing to work with children services so you could ask for this instead.

You say that your daughter has been denied phone contact. Ask for the reasons why. Ask for support in what to say to your daughter, why your husband can no longer live with you. Explain that she is very upset and wondering where he has gone.

Your posts seem to suggest that you are working well with children services. I think this is worth mentioning at the conference. How you are protecting your daughter from your husband. He comes to the home only when your daughter is at her fathers. You are cooperating with the assessment, you are doing everything the social worker says. Let the conference know what support you need so it can be included in any plan that is made.

You are understandably in a state of shock and probably disbelief and denial. Your husband has admitted downloading images of child sexual abuse. The police will now being looking for evidence of any other crimes against children. Their investigation will feed into the risk assessment of children services.
What you may not know, for many months or longer, is whether he could ever be safe enough to live with you and your daughter –as a child -or whether you will always have to live separately. That risk assessment of him may not take place until after the criminal case has been completed and your husband has served any sentence or completed programmes to treat his behaviours.
So expect that your husband may not be able to return home-overnight-while your daughter is present for a while or even possibly not at all. But at some point when more is known about his risk, could he have supervised contact? What does dad say about this?

You ask about courses. There are online ones via parents protect. There are also assessments and support/treatment via probation –after the criminal side has been completed. Ask the Just stop it now about what he could be doing in the meantime.

I hope this helps. You are, I’m afraid, really at the beginning of a process. So it must be really difficult at this stage to imagine how things will move forward. But they will.
I must say that you seem to be very open and honest with children services which is a good place to be. They need to be able to trust you to be protective of your daughter so need to have a good relationship with you. You have to continue to be open with them as they will want to check back what you say.

Until they know your husbands risk, they cannot take any risks with your daughter’s safety as sexual abuse can impact a child for life.

I hope this helps but if you have any questions post back or call our advice line for further advice.
Best wishes,

Suzie

Seadog01274
Posts: 39
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2018 1:18 pm

Re: Desperate to find someone in my shoes

Postby Seadog01274 » Wed Jul 18, 2018 4:50 pm

Hi Suzie.
This has been a huge help in helping me understand what will happen at the conference. I am doing all I can to work with social services and will continue to do so.

I understand I am going to have years and years of an uphill struggle. I have today been assessed for some councelling to help me.

I shall post any further updates as I go. Dad has been extremely supportive and met with the social worker yesterday. He does not want to pry into my private life he just wants to ensure our daughter is safe. I will be sure to ask why phone contact was denied as I was not given a reason.

I have been in touch with stop it now over courses but unfortunately their course is out of our price budget.

Thanks for your advice.

Seadog01274
Posts: 39
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2018 1:18 pm

Re: Desperate to find someone in my shoes

Postby Seadog01274 » Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:38 pm

Another update: on Tuesday I have to attend a conference with my husband, my parents and my daughters biological dad. They have quickly explained to me what the conference is for but understandably my anxiety is causing huge problems. Can anyone explain what will happen at the conference? Also I have not seen any reports as of yet from the social worker. I have also been told my social worker has moved me to someone else who I have not yet spoken to or met, yet she will be the one there on Tuesday. Is this normal? It’s causing me huge stress that my initial social worker is no longer dealing with the case and it’s been given to someone to deal with who I’ve never even met before.

Kami2018
Posts: 60
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2018 5:08 pm

Re: Desperate to find someone in my shoes

Postby Kami2018 » Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:44 pm

A conference is were all professionals involved with your family talk about whatever concerns they have and any positives also they also will decide if a child protection plan is needed the new social worker will have read all concerns and positives in there report before the meeting hope this helps

Seadog01274
Posts: 39
Joined: Sat Jun 23, 2018 1:18 pm

Re: Desperate to find someone in my shoes

Postby Seadog01274 » Sat Jul 28, 2018 10:49 pm

So is it normal that I won’t see any reports until just before I go into the meeting?


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