Dunno what to do

Muminlimbo
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2018 8:57 am

Dunno what to do

Postby Muminlimbo » Sat Jun 02, 2018 2:09 pm

Im a mum of 2 young girls, now 8 and 10.. ..
So, from the beginning....
I was with a guy for 3 years.. due to get married.. Everything was all great, then one day early in the morning the police arrived, he was arrested for indecent images of minors.. That was the minute me and him were over, I didn't want him here, I didn't know what was going on.
Spoke with a copper who told me social services would be involved, Weeks and months passed and still nothing from SS so I phoned them and got on the radar.
In all this time I had heard it was all a miss understanding and the case had been dropped, me and him regained contact, it wasn't regular but when my children were present it was always supervised, then I decided to phone social services again myself to keep them informed, to cooporate basically... Turns out I was then to sign something to say he wasn't gonna go near my children ever again... At that point I realised that maybe the case hasn't been dropped...
Again months passed, no contact, I cooporated with SS and eventually 18 months later I was signed off from SS, in this time I was told I have no rights to know anything cos I don't want contact with this person ever again...
Couple months later (so 2 years since it all started) I met someone else, I'd known him a while but things were now starting to heat up between us.....
Then one day... Turns out the police were coming to speak to me at work for safeguarding reasons....
This guy who I thought I knew had been on the sex offenders register for 6 years already... WOW!!!!! WTF... Yes u guessed it... Landed me with social services yet again ?!!! Everything going thru my head, how did I let this happen for a second time!!! I took it bad. But again, I cooporated, ... This person was took to prison for breach of his conditions...
I had meetings with SS and the school and my children's dad.. In all this it was decided that my children stay with their dad long term, me and him get on alright and we can decide and agree alright so social services decided they wasn't gonna continue to be involved and its upto kids dad when he thinks I have turned my life around when they come back to me... ..
So I've threw myself into work, doing everything I can to get by, I see my girls once a week for 4 hours.. Ita absolutely horrible, I miss them like crazy... , I got a phone call one day from internet sex offenders department giving me an update on the first guy... To which I was told o had a right to know all along how his case is going... I found out he googled how to **** a 5 yr old... He had substantial about of child pornography and videos ... To which at a case point of view, ita going to magistrates and then onto crown... 5 months on I'm awaiting an update for this....
I know I need to move house and I will do, but I asked the kids dad when I do get moved, I need to know what his thoughts are on them coming back to me so I know if I need a 2/3 bed... Or just a 1 bed... His reply "well depends how quick u wanna take me through courts but let's be fair u don't have a leg to stand on inviting pedophiles into their lives"....
Ok yeah I get it, he's angry hurt and upset, yeah I'll take that... But where was any of this actually my fault?? ...
I now have no idea what to do? I don't know what rights I have?

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2020
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Dunno what to do

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jun 08, 2018 2:53 pm

Dear muminlimbo,

Welcome to the parents forum. I am sorry to hear about your situation.

Unfortunately for you and your girls, your new partners had been found to be sexually abusive to children. This could have been a horrible coincidence or maybe they targeted/ groomed you to get access to your daughters.

It seems that you have been let down badly by children services at the very beginning-they didn’t assess your family and consider whether you needed support. If they had, you might not have been in this position.
Have children services admitted their error?
When the police first became involved, they say they made a referral to children services. No social worker ever got in touch with you at this time.
A social worker should have assessed your family and may have provided support. For example, I would have expected them to:
• have kept you informed about the criminal case,
• advised you about what your partner had been accused of
• advised you about signs of grooming,
• ascertained whether or not your daughters might have suffered any abuse
• advised you how to protect.
• they might have asked you to sign a safety plan or agreement concerning your partner.
• If they had advised you about the sex offender’s disclosure scheme then you would have been able to ask the police to do checks against your partner before allowing him back into your life (as well as checking your 2nd partner’s name).

However, by the time children services did eventually become involved, they seem to have decided that you could not protect your daughters, so suggested your daughters live with their father, is that right?
Do you know why they decided this? Was it reasonable? Your post does not say why. Were you offered support to help you understand the risks and now how to protect your daughters? Why did they make the drastic decision that your daughters were no longer safe living with you? The social worker written assessment should outline why.

What could you do now?
As dad is not agreeing to the girls living with you, you may have to apply to court for a child arrangements order.
Before you can go to court, you have to try mediation (MIAM) to see if you can reach an agreement.
The Family Mediation Council can advise you about this.

Rights of Women or the child law advice line can give you advise about applying to court.

If the social worker assessment is saying that you do not understand sexual abuse risks, so cannot protect your daughters, then I suggest you call Just stop it now! helpline on 0808 1000 900 or look at the parents Protect website for support.
If you need further advice, please post again or call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.
Best wishes,

Suzie


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