Pre proceedings, what they want us to do.

Helpless Warrior
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 6:59 pm

Pre proceedings, what they want us to do.

Postby Helpless Warrior » Sat Jun 02, 2018 1:32 pm

Husband and I separated in March and he no longer lives with me and our children although we are on amicable terms and trying to our best for the kids. The split was on the cards but SS forced it to happen sooner than we would have liked due to concerns about us arguing around the children. We have now had the letter before proceedings delivered. There is a list of things they want us to agree to do. The list includes supervised contact with their dad (no reason listed) and psychiatric assessments for us both, again no reason listed. I admit we have had a verbally volitile relationship but he has never been anything other than a good dad to the kids. He does have mental health issues and does smoke cannabis. Can they enforce supervised contact without giving me a reason? Also is the list in the letter open to negotiation at the meeting?

Thanks in advance for any help or advise any one can give

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2088
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Pre proceedings, what they want us to do.

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Thu Jun 07, 2018 4:52 pm

Dear Helpless Warrior

Welcome to the Board.

My first suggestion (bit of advice) to you is to comply with the recommendations that Children’s Services have outlined in the pre-proceedings letter which they would have discussed in their legal planning meeting. My reason for suggesting this is because of the ‘risk’ your verbally volatile relationship poses to your children compounded with your husband’s cannabis use and mental well-being. Supervised contact between him and the children will show social workers that you understand the impact domestic abuse, drug misuse and supported or unsupported mental ill health may have on your children’s wellbeing.

My second piece of advice and as equally important is in regard to domestic abuse – my advice is, if you have not done so already, seek help from Women’s Aid and perhaps some from Relate for relationship counselling or support. From what you say in your post, parental arguments is a major cause of concern to social workers and has led to their letter which, in turn, might progress to Care (and related) proceedings.

I agree that you should discuss Children’s Services suggestions at the meeting but be aware that they may/will consider their intervention into your family life at this time justified or ‘necessary’. You have written in your post that you too are aware of the issues.

I hope this information assists you in taking action.

Best wishes

Suzie

Helpless Warrior
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Mar 27, 2018 6:59 pm

Re: Pre proceedings, what they want us to do.

Postby Helpless Warrior » Thu Jun 07, 2018 10:38 pm

Thanks for the reply. We had the meeting today which went OK. They want me to work with local domestic abuse service but they want me to do victim and perpetrator work simultaneously which I'm not sure even exists(the abuse was 50/50). They said they want a psychological assessment to check my capability to protect the children and they also want a parenting assessment. I have agreed to all of this but my solicitor asked for some kind of paperwork for the psychological assessment as he doesn't think I need one done, this I have agreed to pending legal advice. My husband has agreed to all of his list too although his solicitor has told SS today that hair strand testing is a phishing exercise based on information from 14 years ago. On a positive note they have sorted out the mental health team to make sure he is getting supported properly.

Hoping now that they will out of our lives as soon as we prove we are progressing enough.
Thanks again x


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