Feeling lost and concerned

Post Reply
Sundance123
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue May 15, 2018 8:43 pm

Feeling lost and concerned

Post by Sundance123 » Wed May 16, 2018 9:00 pm

Hmm , where to start , im 12 weeks pregnant and this is my second pregnancy , unfortunately my first born was taken into care at 3 weeks old and later adopted due to a timescaling matter...

Im 23 years old and had my first born wen I was 19 , I myself was brought up through the care system , luckily enough I was blessed to be in the same foster home from the age of 4.
Anyways due to this I had a prebirth assessment done and all was cleared for my baby to be at home with no further action.

When my baby was 5 days old allegations of a sexual nature against a female minor were made against my partner (babys father) which to cut things short resulted in our baby being placed into care at 3 weeks old , it took near 2 years before allegations came to trial and by this stage social services believed it was in best interest for our baby to be adopted by the family that had cared for him/her from they were removed from me.

Allegations went to trial and a full jury found my partner 'not guilty' on all charges (5) ...

When I found out I was pregnant my first call was to my solicitor (awful I know) who reassured me that social services wouldnt have the grounds to become involved because of previous allegations against my partner , and should not become involved unless there was something pending investigation etc

So I had my first scan and thankfully baby is doing well and all seems great but midwife did say she had a duty to notify social services of my pregnancy given the involvement and outcome of first pregnancy ... that was over a week ago and I havent heard anything from social services and I feel like im on eggshells ... I just wana know can they take my baby again ? Can they still say my partner is a risk to kids ? Should I be worried?

Any comments with advice welcome ...

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 4210
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Feeling lost and concerned

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed May 23, 2018 3:16 pm

Dear Sundance123,

Welcome to the Parents forum and congratulations on your pregnancy.
I am sorry to hear that your first child was removed from you and adopted. This must have been very difficult for you. Have received any help such as therapeutic support to help you cope with this?

You are now in the early stages of your second pregnancy and your partner is the same as for your older child.
Your midwife has made a referral to Children services. You are worried about what is going to happen.

Because your first child was removed, I think it is likely that an assessment will take place which will look at the history of previous care proceedings and decide what has changed. Here is information about assessments .

You say that your daughter was adopted because the criminal case took 2 years to come to trial and that was too long to wait for your child. By then your daughter was attached to her foster carer.
I suggest you read through a copy of the court judgment and the guardians report for these proceedings.

The court would have made a decision that the threshold criteria had been met (that she had suffered significant harm or was at future risk of suffering harm). What harm was the court worried about?
By checking why the order was made, you would be able to see whether there is anything you should do now (courses or therapy, for example) to give you the best possible chance of keeping your baby with you.
Often there may be lots of reasons why a baby was removed. If there is, what can you do now to address them?

The one possible “danger” to your daughter you mention in your post was your partner.
When your daughter was born, there were sexual abuse allegations made against him.
At the time, in case he was sexually abusive, his contact with her would have had to be strictly supervised. It would not have been safe for your daughter to live with him with those outstanding allegations.

Even so, why could your daughter not have remained living with you? Were you given the option to separate from your partner, until the criminal case had been completed and until children services had a better idea as to whether your partner is risky? This might have allowed your daughter to stay with you. Can you remember what happened? Ask your solicitor. What has changed since then?

It is good news that your partner was found not guilty. But this on its own does not mean he is safe to be with children.

In criminal proceedings, the jury need to be sure “beyond reasonable doubt” to convict a person of a criminal offence. With child witnesses, in particular, it can be difficult to get a conviction.
But for children law proceedings, the balance of proof is much lower. It is on the “balance of probabilities” only. So 51% he is risky to children to 49% he is not risky. So he could be not guilty in a criminal court but still be a danger to children.

Do you know whether there has ever been a forensic risk assessment of your partner by an expert in child sexual abuse?
If not, your partner could discuss this with his solicitor. If it is needed but doesn’t happen by the time your baby is born, your partner may only be allowed supervised contact with baby because his risk may not be known.

Children services may also assess you to see whether you understand the risks of sexual abuse and what support you might need to protect baby.

For more information about support when sexual abuse is a worry speak to the Just stop it now helpline on 0808 1000 900 or look at the Parents Protect website.

I hope this advice helps but if you have any questions, please post again or call our confidential advice line for in-depth advice on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,

Suzie

Sundance123
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue May 15, 2018 8:43 pm

Re: Feeling lost and concerned

Post by Sundance123 » Thu May 24, 2018 11:42 pm

Hi suzie ,

Thanks for ur informative reply,
The allegations were made against my partner wen my daughter was 6 days old and I did move out but had very little support and nobody around me given my own background in care.

I myself was a victim of sexual abuse when younger (15) which caused me to suffer on and off with anxiety and depression and whenever faced with a new born and the situation I was threw into my mental health deteriorated and when my daughter was 3 weeks old she was removed from myself.

I will contact my solicitor tomoro and get the court reports posted to myself and get a good read through them but I know social services were concerned at the time about my mental health & the fact that I was on my partners side with reguards to the allegations being false and malicious , my ability to protect my baby from sexual risk was unknown in social services eyes, they offered an assessment but on further exploring I was not comfortable or mentally able at the time to go into the detail of my abuse that I suffered as it was years ago and I had already delt with it and put it to rest so dragging it all to the surface proved difficult at this time. I also remember that social services felt our daughter would suffer emotional and mental trauma that may lead to difficulties later in her life if she was left to wait in the care system then be removed from the only family she knew and had grew to love.

I have already spoke to my solicitor and he feels social services wouldnt have the grounds to remove our baby but I will arrange a face to face meeting and sit down and go through all the paper work again with him to see if like u say theres anything myself or my partner can do before our baby is born to prove we are not a risk to him/her and can in fact parent and protect our baby.

To date I still havent heard anything from social services , is this normal ?

Thank u very much.

Sundance

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 4210
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Feeling lost and concerned

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri May 25, 2018 3:29 pm

Dear Sundance123

Thank you for your further post.

It is good that you have already had discussions and received advice from your solicitor regarding children’s services in relation to your pregnancy.

You are concerned that children’s services has not been in touch with you although it is a week or so since the midwife told you that she would make a referral. It is likely that a social worker will be in touch with you very soon just to let you know that the referral has been received and what action they are likely to take in light of the fact that your first baby was removed from your care.

Children’s services will take account of the history but should look at you and your partner as you are now and the changes that you have both made. Normally, children’s services will not start working with the family until much later into the pregnancy, from about 20 weeks plus. This is called pre-birth planning and what assessments they do will depend on any concerns that they have about you and your partner’s ability to safely parent your baby.

Please see our advice sheet An introductory guide to Children’s Services which explains what happens when children’s services receive a referral.

Although it is a worry for you at the moment, I think you should concentrate on enjoying your pregnancy and doing everything to ensure that there are no issues that will be of concern to children’s services regarding your relationship with your partner. Attend all you antenatal appointments and do what your midwife or other professional suggests is necessary for you and your unborn baby.

Your solicitor will be able to advise you once children’s services make contact with you.

I hope this helps but if you would like to speak to an adviser, do telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays).

Best wishes

Suzie

Post Reply

Who is online

In total there are 9 users online :: 1 registered, 0 hidden and 8 guests (based on users active over the past 5 minutes)
Most users ever online was 318 on Fri May 28, 2021 9:04 pm