Parental Alienation - long term affects

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AlienatedDad
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 11:26 am

Parental Alienation - long term affects

Post by AlienatedDad » Wed Apr 25, 2018 10:28 am

I would be interested if anyone has watched their children suffer as a result of Parental Alienation.

My ex-wife has continually alienated me from my children over the last decade or more. At first it was not allowing me to see all of them at the same time, then Involving them in every decision made which she viewed as detrimental to her. Sharing everything with them, I mean everything negative about me and my family. I took legal advice years ago re custody but was told it will be impossible to prove as she uses PAS subtly. It was enough to make sure the children (now young adults) to view me in the worst possible light.

I have tried to discuss with them that with any relationship breakdown there are two sides to every story but have avoided going in to detail about their mother and her actions years ago when we were married. I know she was having an affair, she didn't speak to me, we didn't eat together or have sex for years and at weekends I used to take the kids out without her because she rejected me.

If I bring up anything negative about their mother I am told I am lying and she is viewed by them in the same light as Mother Theresa.

Of course this has had long term affects with their health from self harming, alcohol abuse, eating disorders, lack of confidence, self-image issues, insecurities and trust issues. The mother still plays a pivotal role in all of this and I know I get the brunt of the blame.

I assume to deal with victims of Parental Alienation they and the perpetrator need to recognise it first. But because I am to blame for everything it cannot be discussed because the mother denies any concept that her actions may be to blame (even in part). I'm not the perfect father, but a lot of me not having contact with them was initially inspired by their mother. They are closing ranks as time passes and as young adults they eternally need money and lifts etc I am starting to feel I am just a commodity who can be spoken to however they want especially if I refuse to assist at a drop of a hat.

Part of me wants to break free, to end the guilt of trying and failing but I wondered if anyone here has similar experiences and any hope of a solution.

Personally I think the kids are so indoctrinated they don't know they're doing it. Almost programmed like robots to deny any criticism of their mother yet to proportion all that is wrong in life on me.

Historically it's been like mushroom management as a father, being kept in the dark and fed on sh*t. All on a need to know basis. I don't feel like a father to them yet I still feel love for all my children. I am not a horrible person either so don't ask about physical or mental abuse (I was raised in a loving family). I run a small consultancy in the city and live a simple life. In life I have always believed in treat others how you would expect to be treated - yet my own kids and their mother have treated me worse than a dog.

Replies welcome.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 4210
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Parental Alienation - long term affects

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Apr 25, 2018 1:02 pm

Dear AlienatedDad,

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties within your family.
Your children are now adults and your post concerns questions that are not within our remit.

You could try Families need fathers, who might be able to help.

Best wishes,

Suzie

AlienatedDad
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 11:26 am

Re: Parental Alienation - long term affects

Post by AlienatedDad » Wed Apr 25, 2018 7:48 pm

There is no help. Subtle Parent Alienation is barely detectable. Much like poison gas. Only the person administering it knows exactly what they are doing. The rest of us have to suffer the consequences for the rest of our lives. Why any parent would do this it's beyond me. PAS is the backbone of everything discussed here. Parents who use their children for their own advantage. A woman scorned and all that - nothing could be closer to the truth. A mother turning not on her ex, but her children. Sick

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