Any advice please? I'm living in hell.

ScaredToBear
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2018 1:39 am

Any advice please? I'm living in hell.

Postby ScaredToBear » Fri Apr 13, 2018 10:24 pm

Hi all, I am going through a living hell right now, but I'll keep this as short as possible. I am currently on trial for malicious communications (guilty) and attempting to create indecent images (not guilty). And also under police investigation for a different case). Long story short, I've had a terrible life, got out of a emotional abusive relationship (she wrecked my head) and was mixing my anxiety medication with a lot of alcohol. One night, I set out to hurt someone online by using the most stupid, shameful tactic you'll ever hear. I asked the girl I was currently talking to, to flash her daughters bits. I knew how much the mother loves her kids (dated her a few days), so knew it wouldn't happen. I just wanted to hurt and push everybody out my life. There's a trillion and one things to my stupidity, from the past, to my current life, to the stars and back. But I'll keep it short by not writing a big book. I was totally out of character, I'm ashamed and I cannot believe what I said. I'm disgusted because I know I'm a caring, protective person that would do anything for anyone. Everything I've ever done is for others happiness. I drain my own, for others. I knew my mental state was suffering and asked for mental help repeatedly but got met with a 3 year waiting list. Since being arrested, it has been none stop anxiety, panicking and fear. I can't even answer my own front door anymore. Sleepless nights, fear of prison whilst being a massive sufferer of social anxiety and so on. I've been going through it for over a year and got another 5 months to wait for trial. I have the most amazing girlfriend, my mental state is great, and I started counselling (finally). I had a perfect baby boy last January. Even with the fear of the justice system, everything was great. I loved the whole pregnancy and the birth was the most amazing thing ever (I cut the cord woohoo). Anyway.. Social services knocked on the door 3 weeks ago to talk to us all. They asked if I could live else where but I said I wouldn't break a happy family up, but I'd leave instantly if they said they would take my son away. They left the home leaving my girlfriend to supervise (I also live with my mum). A week later she knocked on with a copper that told my girlfriend my charges and stuff. My family and girlfriend know my charges, they know the entire story. SS and the copper left after a chat and gave us until the Monday (5 days ago) to think of separated living arrangements. We have ran around wild trying to do this. We are always calling SS and get no reply. We live in fear and it is a really bad, strange feeling when you are just a normal happy family. It is like hell from a far away planet. I feel a massive let down and I know me vanishing would at least leave my family and girlfriend living without the cloud I brought over them. But I love my son and girlfriend to bits and I want to be part of his every day life.

ScaredToBear
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2018 1:39 am

Re: Any advice please? I'm living in hell.

Postby ScaredToBear » Mon Apr 16, 2018 7:11 am

:shock:

ScaredToBear
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2018 1:39 am

Re: Any advice please? I'm living in hell.

Postby ScaredToBear » Thu Jun 21, 2018 7:53 pm

:shock:

Kami2018
Posts: 80
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2018 5:08 pm

Re: Any advice please? I'm living in hell.

Postby Kami2018 » Thu Jun 21, 2018 9:12 pm

I think if u love your partner and son as much as it will hurt you you need tomseperate from living together ur actions are very bad not meaning that to be nasty but it is bad and social services will not leave u living together u will have to work with them but as it stands ur girlfriend is not showing herself to be safe guarding her children from possible risk by no means am I a no it all but it's common sense please be prepared to leave asap because if youndont they will remove it son from both of ur care just because they have gone for now they will defo return and will probably produce u with a plo I'm so sorry to tell u this but it's the truth a d u need to take action before they will start court proceedings on you both because you have failed to comply with them asking you to live seperate

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: Any advice please? I'm living in hell.

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Tue Jun 26, 2018 9:57 am

Dear ScaredtoBear

Welcome to the Family Rights Group (FRG) parents’ discussion board and thank you for your posts. My name is Suzie, FRG’s online adviser. First of all, apologies that we did not respond to your original post in April and that you have had to post again. The board can be extremely busy at times and as a result we are not always able to respond promptly however I am sorry you have had to wait so long for a response. Another parent, Kami2018 has been in touch in response to your most recent post.

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that you experienced in the past and more recently. You are currently very worried about whether you will be able to remain with and have a positive relationship with your baby son. I hope that you are now getting some support for your mental health issues and managing your alcohol use as you suggest that was a difficulty too.

Children’s services became involved with your family several months ago because of a number of ongoing police investigations and criminal court cases including for malicious communications and attempting to create sexual images. As at least one of the incidents you describe involves a child then social workers do need to assess the situation as you have a child with whom you live (or at least did at the time of your first post). They need to ensure that your son is safe and well-cared for, this not only means assessing any risk in relation to your alleged offences but also your partner’s ability to protect your son. You may find our assessment information and family support advice sheet helpful.

You mentioned that the trial was due to take place in 5 months so I suppose that will be in September or thereabouts. This will make things clearer in terms of whether you are convicted of a sexual offence in the criminal court or not. However, children’s services have a broad responsibility in relation to the welfare and protection of children and so may remain involved if they have concerns for your son, even if you are not convicted.

Have you looked at the Lucy Faithful Foundation: Stop it now website information about the criminal justice process?

When they visited, the social worker entrusted your partner to supervise you with your son and suggested that you consider living separately. It is clear from your original post that you were willing to do so if the alternative was that children’s services would take action to remove your son but that you were reluctant to do so, wanting to be fully involved with your son and your partner. However, you were looking into options and finding it hard to get hold of the social worker.

As some time has elapsed, the situation is likely to have moved on now and so I am not clear what action either you or children’s services took.

In situations like this, children’s services will often ask the parent whose behaviour they are worried about, to move out as this may reduce any potential risks to the child and allow them to remain safely at home in their other parent’s care.

It is always a good idea to work with children’s services when they are involved with your family, to listen and try to understand their concerns and to work with them to address any risks. If you do not agree to move out in such a situation children’s services would need to consider what action they need to take to safeguard your child. They should tell you what the possible consequences are if you do not cooperate, this could be a child protection investigation or a child protection conference or a Public Law Outline (PLO) process as Kami2018 suggests.

From what you say, your son and your partner are extremely important to you. It is important that you prioritise your son’s needs and do whatever is needed to minimise any identified risks and that you demonstrate your willingness to cooperate and contribute with an assessment of the situation.

It sounds as if you have family support from your mother and perhaps from a wider group. It is helpful to involve your support network to assist you e.g. with accommodation for you if you are living out of the home, being assessed to supervise your contact with your son if need be, or to help with the care of your son in any other way.

Perhaps you would like to post an update explaining what stage you and your family are now at so that we can tailor our advice to your situation.

For now all we can offer is general advice as we don’t know what has happened since you first got in touch although it seems you are still struggling with the situation.

In brief though I would recommend that both you and your partner do not play down the reason for children’s services involvement in any way, that you both contribute to the assessment, access specialist information and advice – Stop it Now website and The Lucy Faithfull Foundation works with alleged offenders (treatment programmes and support) and their non-offending partners (protective parenting information and programme), consider any specific recommendations that the social worker or other professionals involved in your case make and make sure you know what risk assessments are being undertaken and when and how the situation will be reviewed.

You might find our FAQs for Fathers useful.

I hope this helps a little for now but do post back with an update on the current situation in terms of children’s services involvement, if you think it would be helpful. If you prefer you can ring FRG’s Freephone advice helpline on 0808 8010366 Mon- Fri 9.30 – 3.00 to speak to an adviser.

With best wishes

Suzie

ScaredToBear
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2018 1:39 am

Re: Any advice please? I'm living in hell.

Postby ScaredToBear » Wed Jun 27, 2018 9:28 pm

Kami2018 wrote:I think if u love your partner and son as much as it will hurt you you need tomseperate from living together ur actions are very bad not meaning that to be nasty but it is bad and social services will not leave u living together u will have to work with them but as it stands ur girlfriend is not showing herself to be safe guarding her children from possible risk by no means am I a no it all but it's common sense please be prepared to leave asap because if youndont they will remove it son from both of ur care just because they have gone for now they will defo return and will probably produce u with a plo I'm so sorry to tell u this but it's the truth a d u need to take action before they will start court proceedings on you both because you have failed to comply with them asking you to live seperate


We no longer live together. Social services see us as complying, and want us to go for assessments every 5 weeks until my trial. I'm hoping when my trial is over, that social services will actually work to allow me and my girlfriend to live together again. The whole thing has tore the family apart and it is unfair on my son.

ScaredToBear
Posts: 12
Joined: Thu Apr 12, 2018 1:39 am

Re: Any advice please? I'm living in hell.

Postby ScaredToBear » Wed Jun 27, 2018 9:44 pm

Just an update:

Not much has happened since they got involved. We didn't separate living arrangements because we had no where to go and none of it feels real, due to the fact that I'm innocent of the allegations. The way I see it, is I want to do everything in my power to keep the family together. I now know that I have no choice but to bite the bullet and comply to the fullest. We went to a assessment where we were asked questions like 'on a scale of 10, are you a risk' etc.. I think my son is in section 37? But she also said he's a child in need. We have to go every 5 weeks to do assessments. We have had 2 visits from the social worker since my last post. I'm hoping that when September is over, that we can start focusing on living together again, so that we can give my son a stable, loving environment. I also told social services that I would attend any courses they ask me to do (even though I'm far from into kids), just to show them I'm complying. I no longer drink, and my mental health counselling is going great. I have well and truly had my punishment, way before my sentencing. Words cannot describe how difficult the whole thing has been.

Kami2018
Posts: 80
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2018 5:08 pm

Re: Any advice please? I'm living in hell.

Postby Kami2018 » Thu Jun 28, 2018 12:14 pm

I'd be very careful because why you think you shouldn't seperate children's services might take it as you are both not complying I think younshoukd chase them up and see were you both stand

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Any advice please? I'm living in hell.

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Jul 04, 2018 5:57 pm

Dear ScaredToBear,

In your posts you talk about children services and the police asking you to live separately from your girlfriend and child. In one post you say that you are living with your mother but also talk about living together with your partner. You say "We didn't separate living arrangements".
It is my understanding that the authorities expected you to be living separately.

I am worried that you are in breach of expectations. What was expected of you and are you complying?

At present there is a child in need plan. If you are not complying because you have not separated your living arrangements, then the authorities are likely to be concerned and your child is at risk of suffering significant harm. Children services may escalate matters up to child protection level or higher. If there are bail conditions you may be in breach of these and risk custody.

Best wishes,

Suzie

Kami2018
Posts: 80
Joined: Sat Jun 16, 2018 5:08 pm

Re: Any advice please? I'm living in hell.

Postby Kami2018 » Fri Jul 06, 2018 11:17 pm

Sorry but only reading ur reply what's frightening as Suzie quite rightly pointed out is that you say at one point your not living together and then u say that u haven't parted and u remain living together and I know that children's services will be greatly concerned about this because while under investigation CS will be testing your ability to comply with there expectations and it clearly says in ur reply you are still living under one roof which will be a red flag to them and also they will have great concerns at your partners ability to protect and safeguard because she has not complied with what they have advised her CS can only advice you or ask you to sign a written agreement but as you have not complied they then will consider a interim care order


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