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Hi all, I am going through a living hell right now, but I'll keep this as short as possible. I am currently on trial for malicious communications (guilty) and attempting to create indecent images (not guilty). And also under police investigation for a different case). Long story short, I've had a terrible life, got out of a emotional abusive relationship (she wrecked my head) and was mixing my anxiety medication with a lot of alcohol. One night, I set out to hurt someone online by using the most stupid, shameful tactic you'll ever hear. I asked the girl I was currently talking to, to flash her daughters bits. I knew how much the mother loves her kids (dated her a few days), so knew it wouldn't happen. I just wanted to hurt and push everybody out my life. There's a trillion and one things to my stupidity, from the past, to my current life, to the stars and back. But I'll keep it short by not writing a big book. I was totally out of character, I'm ashamed and I cannot believe what I said. I'm disgusted because I know I'm a caring, protective person that would do anything for anyone. Everything I've ever done is for others happiness. I drain my own, for others. I knew my mental state was suffering and asked for mental help repeatedly but got met with a 3 year waiting list. Since being arrested, it has been none stop anxiety, panicking and fear. I can't even answer my own front door anymore. Sleepless nights, fear of prison whilst being a massive sufferer of social anxiety and so on. I've been going through it for over a year and got another 5 months to wait for trial. I have the most amazing girlfriend, my mental state is great, and I started counselling (finally). I had a perfect baby boy last January. Even with the fear of the justice system, everything was great. I loved the whole pregnancy and the birth was the most amazing thing ever (I cut the cord woohoo). Anyway.. Social services knocked on the door 3 weeks ago to talk to us all. They asked if I could live else where but I said I wouldn't break a happy family up, but I'd leave instantly if they said they would take my son away. They left the home leaving my girlfriend to supervise (I also live with my mum). A week later she knocked on with a copper that told my girlfriend my charges and stuff. My family and girlfriend know my charges, they know the entire story. SS and the copper left after a chat and gave us until the Monday (5 days ago) to think of separated living arrangements. We have ran around wild trying to do this. We are always calling SS and get no reply. We live in fear and it is a really bad, strange feeling when you are just a normal happy family. It is like hell from a far away planet. I feel a massive let down and I know me vanishing would at least leave my family and girlfriend living without the cloud I brought over them. But I love my son and girlfriend to bits and I want to be part of his every day life.
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