Hi All,
The police and social services went to my friends house on a saturday night to get her to sign a form, she wasn't in, she was at her friends house, and they rang her and told her to go home, she did and they handed her a form of certain conditions and asked her to sign it, she said she needed to speak to her friend first so they left it with her and said they'd be back today - Sunday.
Is this the normal thing, I thought they couldve left it until Monday.
Can any1 help with this please.
Many thanx
unexpected visits from ss and police
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4231
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: unexpected visits from ss and police
Hi cheekipixi
It is certainly not unheard of for Children's Services to expect a written agreement to be signed within such short timescales. It would very much depend on specifically what your friend was being asked to sign and how urgent Children's Services felt the issues were.
Do give us an update on your friend's situation and/ or ask any further questions on her behalf if you'd like.
Best Wishes
Suzie
FRG Adviser
It is certainly not unheard of for Children's Services to expect a written agreement to be signed within such short timescales. It would very much depend on specifically what your friend was being asked to sign and how urgent Children's Services felt the issues were.
Do give us an update on your friend's situation and/ or ask any further questions on her behalf if you'd like.
Best Wishes
Suzie
FRG Adviser
-
cheekipixi
- Posts: 12
- Joined: Sun Jul 17, 2011 10:51 am
Re: unexpected visits from ss and police
Hi,
Thank you for getting back to me.
Unfortunately, I have 10yrs experience of SS, how they work, what they do etc etc, all because I initially asked for help with my disabled son, they found out I had bipolar and BPD, say no more!!!!
In all those years, which I will add were the worst 10yrs of my life, I was never asked by SS what my friend has been asked/told to do.
My friend suffers with depression and has many anxiety issues, her husband sadly passed away last July and her son, then 11yrs has rebelled terribly.
It has just passed the anniversary of her husbands death and my friend was/is finding it extremely difficult to cope with him not being 'there' anymore, trying to deal/cope with her sons behaviour, as well as finding herself surrounded by 'ex' past 'friends' who are not so nice people, because her husband left her a bit of money.
In brief the letter stated:-
'her name, will refrain from taking non perscribed drugs and alcohol, if she finds herself unable to do this, she will place her son with an appropriate adult whilst taking these non perscribed drugs and alcohol'
She was then told to sign it. This was on a saturday evening, at her home by 2 police officers and 2 people from SS, she wasnt at home, so they rang her and asked her to return home. She did this but refused to sign it until she sorted advise. They told her they would be back the following day. They didnt show.
Earlier this week, she was approached by a social worker, who asked her to sign it again, she stated she didnt like the wording, so the social worker PENCILED,something similiar, i dont know what yet, and asked her to sign that, again she refused until she had sorted advise.
The SS worker also stated that, they were planning on random visits to her home, she wont know when these visits are though, where she has been told she will have to tell them where her son was and what time he would be coming back home, he also stated that SS may look through her cupboards and fridge at this time also.
I havnt known of this, are they allowed to do this and carry it through. The police have also questioned her son, when on an outing with his friends at the local ice skating rink, they asked him if his mum knew where he was and what time he had to be in. Can the police do this also.
This is making my friend ill and her poor son more rebellious than ever, he has started talking about his dad again and has begun to become extremely anxious.
It doesnt seem fair this is happening to her after what she has already been through.
Your advise would be greatly appreciated.
best Wishes
-x-
Thank you for getting back to me.
Unfortunately, I have 10yrs experience of SS, how they work, what they do etc etc, all because I initially asked for help with my disabled son, they found out I had bipolar and BPD, say no more!!!!
In all those years, which I will add were the worst 10yrs of my life, I was never asked by SS what my friend has been asked/told to do.
My friend suffers with depression and has many anxiety issues, her husband sadly passed away last July and her son, then 11yrs has rebelled terribly.
It has just passed the anniversary of her husbands death and my friend was/is finding it extremely difficult to cope with him not being 'there' anymore, trying to deal/cope with her sons behaviour, as well as finding herself surrounded by 'ex' past 'friends' who are not so nice people, because her husband left her a bit of money.
In brief the letter stated:-
'her name, will refrain from taking non perscribed drugs and alcohol, if she finds herself unable to do this, she will place her son with an appropriate adult whilst taking these non perscribed drugs and alcohol'
She was then told to sign it. This was on a saturday evening, at her home by 2 police officers and 2 people from SS, she wasnt at home, so they rang her and asked her to return home. She did this but refused to sign it until she sorted advise. They told her they would be back the following day. They didnt show.
Earlier this week, she was approached by a social worker, who asked her to sign it again, she stated she didnt like the wording, so the social worker PENCILED,something similiar, i dont know what yet, and asked her to sign that, again she refused until she had sorted advise.
The SS worker also stated that, they were planning on random visits to her home, she wont know when these visits are though, where she has been told she will have to tell them where her son was and what time he would be coming back home, he also stated that SS may look through her cupboards and fridge at this time also.
I havnt known of this, are they allowed to do this and carry it through. The police have also questioned her son, when on an outing with his friends at the local ice skating rink, they asked him if his mum knew where he was and what time he had to be in. Can the police do this also.
This is making my friend ill and her poor son more rebellious than ever, he has started talking about his dad again and has begun to become extremely anxious.
It doesnt seem fair this is happening to her after what she has already been through.
Your advise would be greatly appreciated.
best Wishes
-x-
Re: unexpected visits from ss and police
Your friend should consider the agreement carefully and decide what she is willing to sign, her failure to sign and agree anything will be seen as non cooperation, this is usually the main subject that CS use on court applications etc. If she does sign she needs to ensure that she never breaks the agreement as this is used as evidence, simply put CS won't trust her and will put this to a Judge, who then becomes reluctant to issue an order in your friends favour as he thinks she will not adhere to any order issued.
Your friend should be able to answer reasonable questions regarding the where-abouts of her Child, and not expose him to drinking and drug taking activity so I cannot see why this would be an issue. Obviously they have concerns that he does not have any boundaries at this time and possible if he is known the the local Police they have made the referral.
Your friend is at the beginning of a difficult time and how she handles herself and the situation at this time will determine how the situation unfolds. Fighting against CS never works and they simply do not go away until they can be reassured there will be no Child Protection issues. Your friend needs to be honest with herself about the situation and as her friend you should be honest with her too, if you feel she is been less than perfect in some areas of her parenting then you should tell her, if you dont CS will.
Good Luck for your friend
Your friend should be able to answer reasonable questions regarding the where-abouts of her Child, and not expose him to drinking and drug taking activity so I cannot see why this would be an issue. Obviously they have concerns that he does not have any boundaries at this time and possible if he is known the the local Police they have made the referral.
Your friend is at the beginning of a difficult time and how she handles herself and the situation at this time will determine how the situation unfolds. Fighting against CS never works and they simply do not go away until they can be reassured there will be no Child Protection issues. Your friend needs to be honest with herself about the situation and as her friend you should be honest with her too, if you feel she is been less than perfect in some areas of her parenting then you should tell her, if you dont CS will.
Good Luck for your friend
-
Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4231
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: unexpected visits from ss and police
Hi Cheekipixi
Thank you for your post.
In response to whether it is normal for Children's Services and the police to visit at the weekend. Yes, if they have sufficient evidence, are particularly concerned about a child's welfare, it is likely that the Emergency Duty Team social worker would have visited. This is a skeleton service that responds to out of hours emergencies between 5.00 pm and 09.00 am and over weekends and bank holidays.
Otherwise, I agree with Murray's advise detailing the importance of cooperating with Children's Services, but also recommend your friend call the advice line if she wishes to discuss her specific situation in more detail, so she can be clear about the content of the agreement, and the implications of what she is being asked to sign up to.
I hope this answers some of your queries.
Best Wishes
Suzie
Thank you for your post.
In response to whether it is normal for Children's Services and the police to visit at the weekend. Yes, if they have sufficient evidence, are particularly concerned about a child's welfare, it is likely that the Emergency Duty Team social worker would have visited. This is a skeleton service that responds to out of hours emergencies between 5.00 pm and 09.00 am and over weekends and bank holidays.
Otherwise, I agree with Murray's advise detailing the importance of cooperating with Children's Services, but also recommend your friend call the advice line if she wishes to discuss her specific situation in more detail, so she can be clear about the content of the agreement, and the implications of what she is being asked to sign up to.
I hope this answers some of your queries.
Best Wishes
Suzie
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forcedadoption
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Mon Sep 17, 2012 2:58 pm
Re: unexpected visits from ss and police
NEVER NEVER sign anything under duress or pressure of any kind .Follow the rules below and you will beat them !-
1:- IGNORE SOCIAL WORKERS !! Don't talk to them ,allow them in your house,assess you, or send you to the psychobabble merchants ! The "SS" have NO authority so you are not obliged to listen to them or obey them ! The ss are your enemies ,so ignore their threats and refuse their instructions ! The more you "cooperate" with them the more likely you are to lose your children later !Politely refuse or even apologise but never obey them!
Never ask them for help.Think very carefully before you report a violent partner(especially if the abuse is only verbal) or even a sexual molester(especially if the children beg you to say nothing) as once social workers or police are involved you risk losing your children for "failing to protect them"
Unfortunately many mothers who have reported the physical or sexual abuse of a child have not been believed even when the child has initiated statements to teachers and made statements to police so they lose all their children either to the alleged abuser or to "care ";Sometimes it is better to take the children and go as far away as possible ,rather than take that risk unless there is hard proof of the abuse.
Never let social workers in your house without an appointment,,never go alone to any meetings they hold,never agree to voluntary care for your child,never admit to any fault (they don't!),never be rude or unfriendly to them,but never obey them either!NEVER,NEVER sign anything even when they pressure you!Remember social workers are not police,and have no legal authority to give you orders as only a court can do that . They cannot stop you seeing your children as they come out of school ,and even taking teenagers out for a meal or a cinema visit.They cannot stop such children from sending and receiving emails from any public library,or making reverse charge calls from any call box if they dial 100; unless you have been served with a specific court injunction forbidding all contact.(and even then if the children send and you only receive you are probably still ok)
IF the "SS" threaten to take your children for adoption,make sure they never forget you .Hug them tight at "last contact" so they cannot easily be removed while you repeat to them that wicked people HAVE KIDNAPPED THEM and are stealing them for money ,and to say no to adoption when they try to give them a horrible new mummy and daddy !
THIS AT LEAST SHOULD HELP TO SABOTAGE ANY UNWANTED ADOPTIONS AND MAKE SURE YOUR KIDS WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU AND GET IN TOUCH LATER .Not many "adopters" will want to take in a child who has been told to say "NO" to adoption in any case !
Google "Winona Varney" or "Von and Tammy"TO SEE SUCCESS STORIES.
2:-Family Courts:- 99.7% of parents lose against the "ss" in court and those who win are usually those who represent themselves as most legal aid lawyers in family courts are "professional losers" not on your side at all ! .If you are a couple let one have a lawyer and the other act in person.State facts not opinions , never interrupt and you will at least have been allowed to speak unlike many parents who lose their children to adoption for life without saying a single word ! Answer all questions from police or barristers whenever possible by "yes","no" or "I don't know" and never complain about any social worker or police officer in court.Never say there is a conspiracy against you,say instead that social workers try desperately to COVER UP THEIR MISTAKES in your case and that civil servants are notorious for trying to cover up mistakes rather than admit them !
" Like birds of a feather, social workers, judges, guardians ,family court solicitors and their carefully chosen "experts" always "stick together" never admitting a mistake and fanatically eager to cover up rather than rectify any errors of judgement they have made "
Never walk out and leave a family court in session as that is a surrender to the "ss" allowing them a free hand to establish lies that become facts against you that you will never be able to dispute. Never write letters to the judge or to the"ss" as they will achieve nothing and may even hurt your case.
1:- IGNORE SOCIAL WORKERS !! Don't talk to them ,allow them in your house,assess you, or send you to the psychobabble merchants ! The "SS" have NO authority so you are not obliged to listen to them or obey them ! The ss are your enemies ,so ignore their threats and refuse their instructions ! The more you "cooperate" with them the more likely you are to lose your children later !Politely refuse or even apologise but never obey them!
Never ask them for help.Think very carefully before you report a violent partner(especially if the abuse is only verbal) or even a sexual molester(especially if the children beg you to say nothing) as once social workers or police are involved you risk losing your children for "failing to protect them"
Unfortunately many mothers who have reported the physical or sexual abuse of a child have not been believed even when the child has initiated statements to teachers and made statements to police so they lose all their children either to the alleged abuser or to "care ";Sometimes it is better to take the children and go as far away as possible ,rather than take that risk unless there is hard proof of the abuse.
Never let social workers in your house without an appointment,,never go alone to any meetings they hold,never agree to voluntary care for your child,never admit to any fault (they don't!),never be rude or unfriendly to them,but never obey them either!NEVER,NEVER sign anything even when they pressure you!Remember social workers are not police,and have no legal authority to give you orders as only a court can do that . They cannot stop you seeing your children as they come out of school ,and even taking teenagers out for a meal or a cinema visit.They cannot stop such children from sending and receiving emails from any public library,or making reverse charge calls from any call box if they dial 100; unless you have been served with a specific court injunction forbidding all contact.(and even then if the children send and you only receive you are probably still ok)
IF the "SS" threaten to take your children for adoption,make sure they never forget you .Hug them tight at "last contact" so they cannot easily be removed while you repeat to them that wicked people HAVE KIDNAPPED THEM and are stealing them for money ,and to say no to adoption when they try to give them a horrible new mummy and daddy !
THIS AT LEAST SHOULD HELP TO SABOTAGE ANY UNWANTED ADOPTIONS AND MAKE SURE YOUR KIDS WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU AND GET IN TOUCH LATER .Not many "adopters" will want to take in a child who has been told to say "NO" to adoption in any case !
Google "Winona Varney" or "Von and Tammy"TO SEE SUCCESS STORIES.
2:-Family Courts:- 99.7% of parents lose against the "ss" in court and those who win are usually those who represent themselves as most legal aid lawyers in family courts are "professional losers" not on your side at all ! .If you are a couple let one have a lawyer and the other act in person.State facts not opinions , never interrupt and you will at least have been allowed to speak unlike many parents who lose their children to adoption for life without saying a single word ! Answer all questions from police or barristers whenever possible by "yes","no" or "I don't know" and never complain about any social worker or police officer in court.Never say there is a conspiracy against you,say instead that social workers try desperately to COVER UP THEIR MISTAKES in your case and that civil servants are notorious for trying to cover up mistakes rather than admit them !
" Like birds of a feather, social workers, judges, guardians ,family court solicitors and their carefully chosen "experts" always "stick together" never admitting a mistake and fanatically eager to cover up rather than rectify any errors of judgement they have made "
Never walk out and leave a family court in session as that is a surrender to the "ss" allowing them a free hand to establish lies that become facts against you that you will never be able to dispute. Never write letters to the judge or to the"ss" as they will achieve nothing and may even hurt your case.
Re: unexpected visits from ss and police
I think to fail to report a sexual abuser is to fail your children. You can not access the support thay may require and you are putting unrealistic expectations on children to keep secrets. Children need to be guided and unless they are older/teenagers it is a duty as an adult/parent to report abuse-of any kind.
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Suzie, FRG Adviser
- Posts: 4231
- Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm
Re: unexpected visits from ss and police
Hi Cheekipixi
I agree with most of what TKH has said. It would be important for an adult to report alleged abuse regarding children of any age, not just younger children.
I also refer to my previous advice which supports Murray's recommendation to cooperate with Children's Services where possible.
Best Wishes
Suzie
I agree with most of what TKH has said. It would be important for an adult to report alleged abuse regarding children of any age, not just younger children.
I also refer to my previous advice which supports Murray's recommendation to cooperate with Children's Services where possible.
Best Wishes
Suzie
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