Shared care issues.

[zubie123]

Hi,
I am in a very tricky situation completely unsure of what to do next! I have a daughter of 21months old. Currently my ex and i have shared care of our daughter - although i am not happy about this at all! We split in march of this year and agreed to shared care between ourselves (i was not happy about it then but my ex was very threatening towards me and i could only leave if i agreed to shared care) ((we live 20 miles from eachother, neither of us drive)). He was not sticking to the agreement, i would have my daughter for 7/8 days at a time because he always had an excuse not to make it, then when he would finally bother to collect his daughter he thought it was ok for him to have her for 7/8 days because i had, she would always come back agressive and very different - not the child she was when she left me! I went to CAB for advice, they said i should stop contact and get a solicitor, i got a solicitor, he advised me not to stop contact so i started the proceedings of mediation (ex was unaware of all of this). Then on 1st june this year whilst my ex had our daughter he left me a voicemail saying i wasnt getting my daughter back until i sort custody out, i instantly contacted police who then contacted social services, police did a welfare check and as my daughter was not in any immediate danger there was nothing they could do! I did not see my daughter for 1month and i have been her primary carer - he did nothing for her before i left! it was sorted via social services in the end - my ex, social worker and i had a meeting - social worker thought it was all pety and due to us still having feelings for eachother which is definately not the case, we come to an agreement to do shared care agreement as before and social worker said if either of us break the agreement he will carry out a section 47! My ex has broken the agreement, i have currently had my daughter for just over 2 weeks as he has more excuses not to come, but i am afraid to contact the social worker and risking him doing the section 47 which will entail my daugher being put into care for 3 days until they decide who she lives with. I do not think my ex should have her for half a week, she is very young, she now has seperation anxiety from me because i did not see her for a month, she screams when she has to go back to him, he works full time and puts our daughter into nursery - so what is the point in him having her when i am available to look after her all week. i dont know what to do - wether i should contact the social worker or contact my solicitor again. my ex also wont leave me alone, he says all he cares about is our daughter but he is constantly sending me messages about getting back together or just being plain nasty, also today he started contacting my friend trying to get her to fall out with me and saying threatening things implying he is planning something (i.e taking her away from me again) Help!

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear zubie123
I am sorry that you and your daughter are having such a difficult time with your exe. It must be very worrying and stressful for you. I can see that the shared care arrangement has now broken down but this does not mean that your daughter will be taken into care.

First of all, I believe that you need to see your solicitor again rather than the social worker. Your solicitor should be able to advise you about the different legal options available to you. For example, whether to go to court to get a residence order –which should help if your exe refuses to return your daughter and whether it is appropriate to have a shared care arrangement in the circumstances that you talk about.
I would also tell your solicitor about your ex’s behaviour towards you. What you describe sounds like domestic abuse. If it is, then mediation-(to agree where your daughter lives and how much contact she has) may not be a good option because you may feel forced into an agreement by your exe. Your solicitor could also advise you about “non molestation orders.”
You could also have a look at women’s aid website. They have a 24 helpline for women who are suffering domestic abuse
women’s aid

I can see that the social worker has carried out an initial assessment and helped you and your exe agree a shared care arrangement.
However, the social worker was wrong to say that your daughter will automatically be taken into care for 3 days-if he carries out a section 47 investigation. Here is our advice sheet about child protection procedures which on page 2 sets out what a section 47 investigation is.
child protection procedures

Only if children’s services think that your daughter is in immediate danger and needs to be made safe then the question of how to make your daughter safe will be will be raised. From what you have said in your post-that does not appear to be the case. If you are worried about this- please see page 5 and 6 of the child protection advice sheet. Or post back.

Best wishes,
Suzie