relationship with a sex offender

Freddie
Posts: 19
Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:00 pm

Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Freddie » Wed Oct 25, 2017 12:23 pm

Suzie. Thankyou

my partner attacked 2 random women who were unknown to him. He has never shown violence, sexual or otherwise in the home. My children understandably want to meet my new partner we are now 6 months in with no guidance from child services apart from they suggest we do not introduce the kids.
The outside agency we have tried to google but we have had no luck neither have probation. We were offered no contact info for them. As i have said i have self referred for the nspcc course and contacted lucy failtfull. I have let my social worker know this.
One issue we have is with my childrens father who has reacted violently to the new relationship. Child servicrs want him to lnow all details of the offense even after he attacked me once he found out about his jail sentence.

Freddie
Posts: 19
Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:00 pm

Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Freddie » Fri Oct 27, 2017 10:04 am

Some good news. The outside agency which could have taken 6 months to assess my partner are doing so next week. It is a psychometric test and a talk with a psychiatrist and will take approximately 3 hours.
Its great that things are moving, still no word on my initial assessment but i have got myself a place on the next nspcc women as protectors course.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Oct 30, 2017 3:41 pm

Dear Freddie,

I am glad that the independent assessment of your partner is starting shortly. Hopefully, it will give you an idea as to how risky he might be to you and your children.
Did you get information about your partner’s convictions from him only? He will be subject to the MAPPA (multi agency public protection) due to his convictions. What has been disclosed to you via this route about his risk?

I am worried that you say children services "suggest you do not introduce” your children to him. That they are not giving you any guidance. I agree that is not very helpful. Given his convictions, I think they would be concerned about your children’s safety, if you did introduced the children to him before anyone knows how risky he might be. Can you clarify the position with them or ask them to set out their concerns in writing?
Or chase children’s services for their assessment. You need to know what they are thinking about your partner.

In respect of your children’s father, children services should involve him in the assessment process. They need to assess his parenting ability and whether he can safeguard your children as well as meet their needs. If at any point they though your children might be imminent danger, they may want dad to look after your children.

Given dads response, if he is worried about your partner being near the children, is he considering legal proceedings?
If you have any questions, please post again.

Best wishes,

Suzie

Freddie
Posts: 19
Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:00 pm

Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Freddie » Tue Oct 31, 2017 8:48 am

Suzie. Thanks for responding

So new partber disclosed everything very early in iur relationship, within a month i sat with probatuon and police risk manager who cinfirmed what he had told me. I have also read his release papers and a fair few other documents. I know he isnt lying to me about any offences.

Child services assessment has cone back too, addressed to my violent ex partner. Its a pretty good assessment, it shows my children are safe and happy and that we are engaging with services. But they have disclosed my new partners offence 3 times un the report. Then the final paragraoh states that this should not be disclosed to ex due to his risk if harming me. Well fuming doesnt cover it. They have put me and my kids at risk from sonething they know has happened before and that they stste they are trying to avoid. Ex has read the report as he was caring for our children when the letter arruved and while there is no falloit yet i know there will be

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Tue Oct 31, 2017 11:51 am

Dear Freddie,

I am very worried about what you have said in your post. You appear to be at risk of harm from your exe partner. I think you need to act quickly and tell the social worker or manager that he has a full copy of the assessment, without the details of your partner’s convictions being removed.
The report’s conclusion clearly states that he should not know this information, as he might harm you, if he does.

Do you have a current safety plan in place? In these circumstances, how can you immediately protect yourself? Here is a list of domestic violence organisations who can help and FAQ’s about domestic violence and child protection.

Best wishes,

Suzie

Freddie
Posts: 19
Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:00 pm

Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Freddie » Wed Nov 01, 2017 8:30 am

So after a very troubling couple of days feeling unsafe and worried about the threat my ex posed both to me and my family i think there has bern some breakthrough. Ex has agreed to meet my new partner under mediation. He is actually quite calm and reasonable. Child services have been informed of their huge error in disclosing, probation are not happy to say the least.
I am now hugely wary of child services, i have had involvement with them for over 10 years for other issues and on the whole i felt they werr helpful, now i feel they are trying to tear my family apart. An official complaint will be made, not that i think it will do much good
We are now just waiting for partner to do a psychometric test and to be assignef a new social worker

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Nov 06, 2017 12:42 pm

Dear Freddie

Thanks for the update. It is good that you have made children’s services and probation aware of what has happened. I am attaching a link to our complaints advice sheet as you state that you will be making an official complaint. Your complaint should be properly investigated. I hope that children’s services will learn from any errors that have been made and work with you to help you and your children keep safe and also to make sure that other families are not put at risk when information is recorded or shared.

As children’s services will remain involved for the moment though it is a good idea for you to continue to work with them so that you fully involved in any assessments, plans or decisions that will affect your children.

I hope that the domestic violence advice has been helpful to you and that you are aware of the services that you and your children can access.

Best wishes

Suzie

Freddie
Posts: 19
Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:00 pm

Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Freddie » Thu Apr 05, 2018 6:33 pm

UPDATE:

So 5 months after starting the assessment my partner has been deemed a low sexual risk to my children. Unfortunately during core groups my ex started being underhand and had being trying to discredit me. He hacked my emails and found "proof" that we had lied about disclosure. We hadnt we had rushed 1 particular meeting, it was all sorted out within days and P.O. was fine with this but said out of context it did sound a little deceptive. He and the SW turned on me and she flew off the handle and started firing accusations at me and it triggered feelings of emotional abuse by ex. I couldn't respond and struggled for words. She took this to be guilt and decided to escalate to a CPC. At this point they were waiting for the sexual risk assessment. At CPC again i felt victomised by ex and SW( i think i always will be) luckily the chair was very good and kept my ex under control. Anyway it was decided by all that they should go to child protection. New partner not to meet or have any contact with kids. Next meeting is in 8 weeks.
So now we have the assessment and it states that their is no reason for new partner not to have unsupervised contact with kids. In the report my SW tore me to shreds she stated i only feed my kids toasted sandwich based on her seeing just 1 meal. Also basically called me a slovenly mother. Ex is going to court to try and stop new partner having contact. I am really worried about this. Ex has gone back on wanting to meet new partner and states he will never be involved in my children's lives. I am doing literally everything they want to prove i am a good protector and me and my partner would not let anything bad happen to the girls but ex is definitely on the warpath with this

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Apr 06, 2018 3:32 pm

Dear Freddie

Thank you for your updating post.

I see that you are still very worried about your ex-partner’s attitude towards your new partner because of his past. Both your partner and you have been working with children’s services and other agencies to address concerns about the likely risk your partner might pose to you and your children. Despite a positive risk assessment which has identified your partner as low risk you believe that both the social worker and your children’s father are very much against you and your partner moving forward so the children can meet your partner.

It is really good to see that the chair was supportive at the meeting and this helped you to cope with your ex-partner. You may find our advice sheet relating to Child protection procedures useful now that there is a child protection plan.

Now you have had the assessment returned as low risk, I think it would be helpful for you to write to the social worker asking that any remaining concerns about your partner meeting the children should be set out in writing, together with what further work or support children’s services have or intend to offer. Also, whether a staged plan for the children to be introduced to your partner can be worked out. You could also ask that children’s services explain whether they accept the result of the risk assessment and, if not, why not and what is their plan in light of their views. Ask for a written response to your questions.

You cannot of course prevent your children’s father having concerns although you believe this is more to get at you rather than about them. He could, if he has genuine concerns, make an application to the court for an order to prevent him from meeting with the children. This is a matter for him to decide. If he were to make such an application you would be given the opportunity to attend court and give your views to the court. The court would ask for a report which would be prepared by children’s services as they are already involved.
You could, if you think there would be bias, ask the court to direct that Cafcass do any report instead of children’s services. The judge could then make a decision about it.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser, you can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30am to 3pm Monday to Friday (except Bank Holidays).

Hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

Freddie
Posts: 19
Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:00 pm

Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Freddie » Mon Apr 09, 2018 4:33 pm

Thank you Suzie. I will definitely write to Social services asking where we go from here and what their stance is now the assessment is in.
As for the ex it is the usual case of he would agree with the assessment but only if it went his way. All along I said however it came back I would follow SS recommendations. I fully intend to go at their pace, I understand that a low risk is still a risk and I want to work with them to safeguard my children and introduce my partner in a safe way for all concerned. With the level of underhandness being played against me I am worried that we won't get treated fairly
I will definitely contact cafcass if it does go to court


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