relationship with a sex offender

Freddie
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:00 pm

relationship with a sex offender

Postby Freddie » Tue Oct 17, 2017 3:30 pm

Have recently started a relationahip with a sex odffender. He raped someone over 2 decades ago whilst suffering a mental health breakdown, served 20 years total inside and released 18 months ago. Completed loads of therapy and is out on license for life. Parole officer deems him a low risk of reoffending and he is no risk to kids. I have 2 under 10s so now have a social worker assessing my capability to safeguard my kids. Completely underatand that. They have suggested i hold off him meeting my kids while they pass our case over to another agency who will assess him and the risk to my children. Waiting time for this could be as much as 6 months. If it takes that long we will be together a year. They havent forbade it and we want to be compliant but its starting to irritate as it is putting reatrictions on how often we can see each other.
Any advice aboit our whole situation is greatly appreciated

HoLana
Posts: 1
Joined: Fri Mar 17, 2017 11:34 am

Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby HoLana » Wed Oct 18, 2017 9:50 pm

It is very complicated, but can find some local that have previous experience

Freddie
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:00 pm

Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Freddie » Fri Oct 20, 2017 3:26 pm

I dont know anyone who has been in this situation which is why i posted here. It just feels like they are dragging their heels to try and get us to slip up and do something wrong. Time is passing and whilst they are all risk risk risk they ignored our calls for a month.

illseycat
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Jun 30, 2017 12:15 pm

Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby illseycat » Fri Oct 20, 2017 3:30 pm

have social services completed their risk assessment of you both?

Freddie
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:00 pm

Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Freddie » Fri Oct 20, 2017 7:03 pm

We were referred for an assessment in June they made 2 visits to me then we heard nothing till late September when i demanded to speak to their manager. She told me 2 weeks ago that she would have my assessment out to me by today, not arrived. It was then that they told us about the other agency getting involved to assess his risk to my children which could take 6 months to start.

Freddie
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:00 pm

Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Freddie » Sun Oct 22, 2017 11:24 am

Just done some reading on the board and seen that the initial assessment has to be done within 45 days. Our situation was referred on the 15th June 4 months ago and we have heard nothing! Is this indicative of how long this whole assessment process will be drawn out? They have advised i do the NSPCC women aa protectors course but refuse to refer me so i have contacted NSPCC direct. They are getting another agency involved with a waiting list of upto 6 months which considering the lengthy wait for the initial assessment to be finished i am starting to loae hope of my partner being able to meet my kids by next Christmas never mind this Christmas

Freddie
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:00 pm

Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Freddie » Tue Oct 24, 2017 1:40 pm

Is there anyobe on here who can offer any help or guidance? Its starting to feel like in real life we're being ignored

illseycat
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Jun 30, 2017 12:15 pm

Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby illseycat » Wed Oct 25, 2017 11:08 am

I wrote a really long reply and it didn't post.

Basically I am currently going through things with child services for my unborn child (due end of November)

I'm going to re-sum this up.

Yes it is quite a long process however from them initially coming to see you they should have decided on the outcome (child protection / Child in need) normally this is child protection due to the risk of sexual abuse. My partner was given a suspended sentence.

This means you will then have an initial child protection conference where you meet with professionals to basically make a list of things to do to help keep your children safe. This is then followed with core meetings every 6 weeks to make sure everyone is playing there part and if there is new things to add. This is reviews after 3 months then every 6 months after that.

At our meetings we have our social worker, my partners VISOR officer, my partners probation team and currently a safeguarding midwife. We had a meeting yesterday and was fairly straight forward as we are complying with everything we are meant to be doing,

As it stands once our baby is born my partner can live at home with me and our baby and I have shown enough protective factors to be able to supervise him. As you say your social worker is already undergoing this risk assessment on you.

I can't give any more information on the external risk assessments and how long these take but I would try and keep on at your social worker - just try not to lose your cool! for each area of child services you should be able to find online their timescale in which things should be done - then if they take longer than this you are able to complain. Maybe see if you can hunt that down - I take this to each meeting with me so we can keep it all in line.

I don't know if this is any help at all - best of luck

Freddie
Posts: 10
Joined: Fri Oct 13, 2017 7:00 pm

Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Freddie » Wed Oct 25, 2017 11:31 am

Thankyou illseycat. We know so far that the initial 45 day assessment is almost 2 months late! They have suggested i do a nspcc course then in the next breath refused to refer me so i have referred myself. They literally ignored my calls for a month until i demanded to speak to a manager and threatened to complain. Im still considering complaining as they have disclosed a false risk rating to my ex and they are pressing to disclose the full offense even though probation are strongly against it for my safety.

We are willing to work with thrm but getting hold of them is almost impossible unless i camp.out at their office. I am aware that if i cause trouble they will look on me negatively but i cant just sit back and let them control my life and make me feel like the worst mother in the world for falling in love with a sex offender.

My partners probation officer, police risk manager and his psychiatrist are all sypportive of our relationship and are trying to work with child services but they too are finding them difficult to pin down to a meeting. It feels like child services are just tryung to keep us apart in the hope we either a slip up and let him meet the kids or b we fizzle out due to the strain, which is admittedly high as we can not plan things and whilst we have made plans for our future we are not sure if we will ever be allowed to fulfil those plans

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: relationship with a sex offender

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Oct 25, 2017 12:10 pm

Dear Freddie,

Welcome to the Parents Forum.
I am sorry for any delay in responding to your post. FRG’s advice service is very busy and although we do our best to respond quickly, as you may be able to appreciate, sometimes this is not always possible.

I can see how you might be feeling frustrated by the delay in responses from children services. It looks like they are satisfied that your children are protected by you because you are cooperating with them. Keep doing so. Until your partner is fully risk assessed, children services have to assume he might be risky to your children.
Yes, government procedures state that assessments should be completed in a timely fashion and within 45 working days.
If you haven’t received a copy of the assessment, I suggest you email the social worker and team manager requesting this, but also ask about the estimated timescales for everything. The social worker assessment report, should contain a plan of support. This will give you an idea about what is expected of you and what they can support you with.

The key thing that is preventing your partner being introduced to your children is waiting for him to be risk assessed. But this won’t start for another 6 months, you say. Once it starts, how long will the assessment take? 3 months? Your partner may then have to undergo further therapy or support to reduce any risk that might be identified. So why don’t you or your partner find out more about the assessment? How long? What are the possible outcomes?
Will children services do self- protection work with your children? This may take place after the assessment has been completed.
All this work may add up to some months or longer.

You could speak to the Lucy Faithfull Foundation Just stop it now helpline about risks of sexual abuse and support available to you or your partner.
You do not say who the victim was. If it was his partner at the time, Women’s Aid (or The Respect helpline-if you are dad) can advise whether your partner, poses a risk of domestic violence to you, and so to your children. Also look at FRG’s FAQ’s about children services and domestic violence on our website.

Here are tips about working with a social worker that you might finds helpful.

If you have any questions please post back orn call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,

Suzie


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