Please help

Post Reply
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Sep 12, 2017 11:19 pm

Please help

Post by Magic** » Thu Sep 14, 2017 12:43 pm

First time poster here ladies, in a terrible position just now and need advice on what to do. I am currently in a relationship with a man who has a kid from a previous relationship, we have been together 6 years now and everything was going well and we were planning on starting our own family but I have now been asked to adopt a family members 2 year old son due to them no longer been able to care for him.

I have already been caring for him for the past 6 weeks which was meant to be a temporary basis while his mum sorted her problems but has failed to do so, now they want me to keep him.

I don't know what to do, they have told me that I would be supported in all ways including benefit payments of roughly £200 per week allowing me to cut down my job to care for him. Problem is I'm worried more about things like treating him compared to my own child when I have one and him ruining my experience of having my first child.

I know I sound the most selfish person ever and yes one minute I want to keep him because I know I love him and can give him a good life but next minute I want to give him up because I can see him ruining my life. There is no other family that could take him so it's me or proper adoption. I don't know what to do, I just feel so trapped. I know he would go to a good home but he is family and I do love him.

My husband thinks we should keep him but he already has a child and I don't think the whole first child experience and bringing them home will ever mean the same to a man as it does us ladies.

I don't know what to do. Please help!

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 2173
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Please help

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Sep 15, 2017 1:49 pm

Dear magic s**

Welcome to the Parents Forum.

I can see you have a difficult dilemma. You have to be commended for thinking through all the pros and cons before you take on the long term care of this child.
Other posters on the forum may be able to offer their own experiences.

I think you should also post on the Friends and family carers forum, here.
There are many relatives, who had to work through this decision about taking on the long term care of a child unexpectedly and may be able to help you in your decision making.

Otherwise, have you thought about talking through the choices with other family members or a counsellor? You could also let the assessing social worker know of your dilemma and discuss matters with him/her.
Has there been a Family Group Conference to look for other “connected” people who might be able to take on his care, if you find that you are not able to do so?
This FGC process can also be used to look for support for you, if you decided to become the parent of this boy.
If you do decide to take on the long term care, have a look at our FAQ’s for kinship carers and advice sheet about support for kinship carers.
If you have any questions, please post back.

Best wishes,


Post Reply