Can anyone help?

Am I mad
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Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 6:56 pm

Can anyone help?

Postby Am I mad » Wed May 31, 2017 6:52 pm

My husband has been sentenced and cannot live with us when he is released from prison. Why do Legal Aid want a letter from social services to say that my relationship is not permitted to protect my daughters.
I am confused.
Any help will gratefully received.

Thanks

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Can anyone help?

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jun 02, 2017 2:45 pm

Dear Am I Mad

Thank you for your further post.

I can see that you are still very upset and concerned about the situation you find yourself in especially now that your husband has been sentenced and the plan if for no contact with your daughters or you.

From your previous posts you do not give an indication of the age of the person your husband is convicted for grooming. This might be significant depending on your own daughters’ ages.

If a risk assessment was carried out on your husband and he was found to be high risk this may well be the reason he plan is for no contact.
Did the criminal court put any restricts on your husband as a sex offender for example, that he cannot be with children under 16?

You ask in our post about why legal aid want a letter from children services regarding your relationship. It is not clear whether you are applying for legal aid or the question relates to legal aid for your husband. It may be that the Legal Aid Agency is considering the merits of an application for legal aid. However, with so little information not possible to give you a fuller response.

It appears that due to the risk posed by your husband this is the reason it has been suggested that you having a relationship with him would not protect your daughters.

Perhaps you can ask the solicitor or the Legal Aid Agency the reason for the request.

Best wishes

Suzie

Am I mad
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 6:56 pm

Re: Can anyone help?

Postby Am I mad » Fri Jun 02, 2017 6:29 pm

Hi Suzie
Thank you, my husband was sentenced for grooming a 13yr old who initially gave the impression she was 18 and they were on an adult only site.
I spoke to my husband solicitor, it appears Legal Aid are trying to look for any way of getting any money from us. My husband was granted Legal Aid for his case.
I have said that my husband will have no contact with my girls (they are not his), I am not sure what to think or say to social services about anything.
I am trying to keep my head above water emotionally and still have financial things to sort out for him, and being questioned as to why am I doing it.
Am I in the wrong for supporting my husband? I know it is a serious offence, he is not a monster, he was not thinking straight when he commited the offence, he is hoping to get help and get his life back on the straight and narrow and be a better person, like he was before.

Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1687
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Can anyone help?

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jun 05, 2017 4:47 pm

Dear Am I mad

Thank you for your further post. It is good that you appear to have clarified the legal aid issue with a solicitor.

As you noted in your post, your husband’s offence against a child is a serious one, for which he has now been convicted. It is good that he is hoping to get help and this is something he should pursue. However, for now it is important that you continue to work with children’s services in focusing on your daughters’ needs.

I know that you are finding this situation very difficult and think that it might be very helpful for you to contact the specialist charity Lucy Faithfull Foundation as they are very experienced in working with families affected by child sexual abuse, including partners of those who have committed offences. They may be able to help you think through some of the dilemmas you are struggling with so that you are better able to respond to children’s services concerns.

I hope this is helpful.

With best wishes

Suzie

Am I mad
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue May 16, 2017 6:56 pm

Re: Can anyone help?

Postby Am I mad » Mon Jun 05, 2017 5:07 pm

Hi Suzie

Thank you, what I am finding frustrating is that I don't think I am being believed when I say that my husband was not thinking straight due to all the issues that were going on. Normally he would never have done this. He would never do anything to hurt anyone, let alone a child. They keep saying he has had some interest in children for a while, but he hasn't, it was just purely, he was down and this girl contacted him and paid him some attention when at his lowest in depression. I agree he should have severed all contact as soon as age was disclosed.

I know If I don't have contact then he may take things into his own hands. And no I don't mean re offend,

I will try and get the courage to contact Lucy Faithful I have looked on there site and been on parent protect and stop so, but seem to stop when it come to picking up the phone.

Thanks again

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Can anyone help?

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jun 09, 2017 3:35 pm

Dear Am I Mad,

I can see that you are worried about your husband’s mental health and you are frustrated that the professionals don’t appear to be taking your knowledge about your husband into account.
I think it would be very helpful for you to contact the Lucy Faithfull Foundation. You can remain anonymous when you speak to them. Ask them about your husband’s mental health when he comes out of prison. How will this be assessed and what support might be available to him.
There is also the offender’s families’ helpline who might be able to offer advice about support available for your husband.


If you decide to have contact with your husband, then you need to let children services know about this beforehand. If you didn’t, they may find out from the prison service, for example.
Before your husband leaves prison, I would expect there to be a referral made to children services. They will then re- assess the risks and your ability to protect your children.

I also think you need to find out more about your husbands offending behaviour. It sounds like the professionals might have information that suggests your husband was sexually interested in children for a while, and this offence wasn’t a one off. Have a look at the child sex offences disclosure scheme.

Have you got a copy of the social workers assessment? If not ask for this as it should be explicit about the risks they are worried about.
I hope this advice helps but please post back if you have any questions or you could also call our advice line on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,

Suzie


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