Returning to court

Minnie
Posts: 75
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2015 8:02 am

Returning to court

Postby Minnie » Wed Jan 25, 2017 10:09 pm

The children are under a full care order with their father and I'm only seeing the children every two weeks for an hour each, this is supervised. I have had to engage a solicitor again as my contact is minimal and supervised. I get positives from the social worker that the contact can move forward outside the formal reviews such as just before Christmas, I was told that my oldest daughter's contact could move to weekends and with weekend supervision(something I was told didn't exist about a year ago). The placement with their father is starting to deteriorate, mainly due to his relationship with his partner has come to end, the children and himself to move out of the family home. The split took place at the end of October and the housing situation still isn't resolved. The children's father was on my tenancy and in December he gave notice on the tenancy to enable him to get social housing, in doing this he made me homeless. I had about 3 weeks to find housing due to Christmas week. I have found somewhere and was advised by the solicitor to ensure it was suitable for the children. The house I have moved in is suitable for the children. The Lac review was a difficult meeting because of the housing situation and my youngest daughter's education, she has been permanently excluded from school due to her behaviour. She currently no formal setting for school within the county and the LA are looking outside of county. In the mean time, she is receiving an hour and half of tutoring per day. Some of the reasons given to why I couldn't have the children was that I didn't have enough support from either a partner or family, the fact that I labelled my daughter with special needs(ASD, Adhd and attachment disorder) and the risk from permanent exclusion whilst in my care. The children's father has no partner, minimal support from his family(due to ill health and elderly parents) and my daughter's school problems. My daughter has been diagnosed with attatchment disorder, oppositional defiance disorder, sensory issues and adhd. These have been diagnosed by the ed psych in the statementing process. The children's father hasn't done the things set out in the lac review in October such as dentist and asthma clinic. He has been given a further 3 months to do this. My daughter's attendance is 84% for the autumn term due to lateness, she had 100% attendance with me. My daughter reading book and record has not been returned since September. He has been referred to Connecting dads, this apparently is build a connection with my daughters and build relationships with them.
The solicitor has advised that we return to court to sort out contact, it was weekly leaving court which was quickly reduced to fortnightly due to the social worker thinking I was destabilising the placement, this was was before the relationship and housing situation started. I knew I wasn't and try to tell the social worker and the iro. The girls are really struggling not seeing me and not living with me. I'm worried about their emotionally wellbeing and their voices not been heard(they are 10 and almost 7). He isn't cooperating and manipulating the situation to look positive for him, he is putting all his faults on me and his ex partner.
The solicitor has told me to start with contact and feels it will have a knock on effect with the rest of the care order and she has said it will all come out in the wash. The guardian raised concerns about the stability of his relationship back in June before the final hearing and his strong family support network which hasn't materialised.

Any advice of how to handle this with social services? I'm trying to work with them but I'm feeling pushed out by them

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1720
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Returning to court

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jan 27, 2017 4:17 pm

Dear Minnie, welcome back to the Parents Forum.

Your solicitor has advised not to point out the negatives about dads care ad behaviour as it will all come out in the wash. I think she is saying that everyone is aware of the difficulties that the girls have had since they have been placed with dad and that dad has been struggling to care for them. You don’t need to remind children services.
Not only that they may use what you say as evidence that you might be trying to undermine the placement.

Instead concentrate on your positives, such as sorting out a new home that is suitable for the children quickly after dad had made you homeless making sure that you have completed all the support you have been advised to do and take the steps recommended towards better contact.

Ask your solicitor and the social worker what else you can do to move back towards better contact.

Keep at the front of your mind, what is in the best interests of your children.

Best wishes,

Suzie

Minnie
Posts: 75
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2015 8:02 am

Re: Returning to court

Postby Minnie » Sat Jan 28, 2017 2:48 pm

I have mostly not bad mouthed either the children's father or social services, this has been hard because I knew when the recommendations for the children to return to the dad was a mistake for exactly reasons that are unfolding now, for example that he is abusive, he has no experience of caring for the children, his ex partner has been the primary carer. In regards to social services, I was criticized for saying my daughter had conditions linked to her behaviour and she has gone on to be diagnosed with them. The temptation to say I told you so has been overwhelming, I haven't done this and I'm enjoying sitting back watching it all unfold, I'm believer in karma, they made their beds and now they have lie in. The only thing that is concerning is wellbeing of the children. I'm trying to remain positive and be in my daughter's corner especially with the education and getting the voices heard. I'm aware of there are positives for me at the moment such as the housing situation. Children services are been really negative towards me, my family think that it maybe don't want to admit they made a mistake with me. The things that were said about me are starting to unfold as untrue and they are lying a lot at the moment. The children's father fed in a lot of lies about me. I didn't bad mouth him as I was advised by the solicitor not to.


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