What's next?

[Emj141017]

Hi, I'm new to the board and am after some advice and guidance.
At the beginning of October my world was totally turned upside down when it was discovered my partner and father of my 2 children had been having an inappropriate relationship with a 14 year old girl (she has since turned 15)
The girl in question is a family friend, so the betrayal is being felt by many people.
The way in which the relationship was discovered was by the mother of the girl finding text messages. The messages weren't overly explicit but contained I love toys and clearly a plan to run away together when she was 16.
She has made allegations that he has touched her and that he asked her to touch him. He denies this.
He has admitted to the text messages and that she attempted to kiss him once to the police.
He told me there were two instances of kissing. I told the police this. They consequently asked me to be a witness. I'm not sure what to do in regards to that....
I suppose what my question is, what charge is he realistically looking at? Could there be possible jail time? All of this terrifies me. It's very out of character and it's making me question the whole of our relationship. He's allowed to see our children but the bail conditions state that it has to be fully supervised. He doesn't seem to be taking any of this seriously and has made many claims he intends on ending his life (I've informed the police) I am just so confused and hurt. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[321321]

Really I would get rid of him. Having an affair is one thing but putting your family at risk by soliciting a minor is the ultimate betrayal. I wouldn't stop him from seeing his kids, but what he has done what with putting his family at risk is rotten. He will probably be put on SOR and your children will be subject to a possible child protection plan or at least child in need. What you do is up to you but I wouldn't stay with a man who was willing to put his family at risk like that. So many women stay with these filthy horndogs, even men who have looked at indecent images of small children and I just don't understand why.

[Emj141017]

Thanks for replying.
I have no intention of supporting him or staying with him through this. I can't for my own sanity. You're right, it has been the ultimate betrayal. I'm struggling with the fact he keeps saying he wants to kill himself, he's manipulating the situation for his own needs. I just want to know is it likely he will do time in jail, I'm of the opinion he will, but I don't know. I can't believe he's done this to me and my boys, I'm slowly starting to really hate him.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear emj141017,

Welcome to the Parents Forum,

I am so sorry to hear about the police being involved with your family due to your partner having an inappropriate relationship with a 14 year old girl.
You do not mention whether children services are involved. However, assume that a referral will be made to them by the police.

I am not able to answer your question about the type of sentence he might get if he was found guilty. His criminal solicitor will be able to advise him or you could contact the Lucy Faithfull Foundation who can advise about these matters.

It is important that you continue to cooperate with the police. Bail conditions have been put in place to protect your children from any risk that dads might pose to them. If he breached those conditions and sees your children unsupervised, your children may be at risk of suffering sexual abuse.

The other risk that dad might pose is due to a possible mental health condition. He has indicated that he might commit suicide.
If he was to self- harm or attempt suicide at home then this is likely to impact on the children’s emotional wellbeing.

Children services will carry out a family assessment which will focus on your children’s needs, your parenting capacity, the environment you live in and family and friend support. In particular, they will want to assess your capacity to protect your children from any risk that their dad poses. To help you do this, they should help you understand the criminal offence he is charged with and that, until he has been risk assessed, he could be dangerous to your children.
(There may be arguments about who will carry out the detailed risk assessments. So these may come later. If dad was imprisoned then on his release there will be risk assessments completed by the multi-agency public protection.)

They will want to speak to your children if they are old enough to see whether they may have been harmed and should offer support to them around protecting against sexual abuse.
The Lucy Faithfull Foundation or NSPCC can give detailed advice about the support that might be available.

Here is some general information about assessments .


If you have any questions, please post again. You could also call our advice line as well on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,

Suzie