What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved

Bex4502
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 5:54 pm

What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved

Post by Bex4502 » Fri Oct 28, 2016 9:01 pm

Hi,to cut a long story short I have been with my current partner nearly 3 months and although he has only been out of prison a year social services want to do a 7 week assessment (if I stay with him) or a 2 week assessment if I decide to split up with him.The thing is I'm really unsure as to what to do as social services have said that they will have to tell the childs father what he did regardless if I stay with him or not.Does anybody have any idea what will happen in the 7 week assessment as I'm worried as to how it's going to affect my child.Thankyou the advice is much needed at the moment!!

Sadmolerat1
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 9:36 pm

Re: What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved

Post by Sadmolerat1 » Mon Oct 31, 2016 12:29 pm

Hi,

I was in a similar situation to you but did not get the splitting up option!

My partner's conviction is very serious though not against a child. We initially had a 7 week Childrens Social Care assessment. The Social worker did not speak to my then 6 year old alone although apparently she should have. She asked to see our medical records, did a PNC on myself and my partner and had a copy on my child's school report. She did not contact the school until later.

The process in itself was not to bad but the outcome was that they wanted us to do a joint Psychological Assessment. And they stopped me observing contact between my child and partner- not legally enforceable but you have to comply. This is what caused our issues and over a year on we are no further fwd to moving on. Not sure of your circumstances but def seek legal advice if they mention psychologists! We found out too late that they should have done parenting and risk assessments before going along the psychologist route. The psychologist report was totally negative and full of errors.

We only needed SS to approve our address. Probation are happy that my partner does not pose a risk to my child but although they have agreed my partner's new address we are in limbo because of the SS.

Hope this helps. Good luck.
:-)

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Oct 31, 2016 2:47 pm

Dear Bex4502,

I am sorry to hear that children services are involved with your family. This appears to be due to your current partner’s criminal conviction.

Although you do not say what he was convicted of, I assume that there are worries that he might be dangerous to children, because of what he did.

To find out whether he is dangerous to your child and if so, whether you can, in any event, protect your child, children services will want to carry out an assessment. But the assessment may be quite wide, looking at you as a parent as well as your partner’s risk to children.
As well as speaking to you and your son the social worker will be expected to speak to professionals involved with your child such as health visitor, school, GP. She should also speak to those professionals involved with your partner.

Generally, the assessment will involve:
• finding out what your child's needs are (depending on his age, his health, educational emotional and physical needs).
• It will then will look at whether you are meeting your child's needs or whether you need help in doing so.
• It will look at the environment that you live in
• It will also look at the support network you have.
The assessment will also look at your partner’s risk. Did he have a risk assessment when he left prison? The social worker will want to talk to him about his risk and what courses or support he needs to do to lower his risk. So your partner needs to be happy to cooperate with the assessment.

While the assessment is happening, your partner may be expected to leave the family home and not go there or have contact with your child.

In respect of you, the social worker will be concerned that you will put the wellbeing and safety of your child before that of yourself or your partner. But If she assesses that there is something that might affect your ability to protect or look after your child, she should offer help and support such as a parenting class or freedom programme if there is a risk of domestic abuse.

The assessment might involve other professionals such as psychologists.
You are worried about the assessment impacting on your child. She will want to speak to your child if he is old enough. Here is information about this.

As part of any assessment, the social worker will need to consult dad about his views as well.
Here is information about assessments

Thank you Molerat for sharing your expereinces of assessments.

I hope this helps but of you need further advice, please post again.

Best wishes,
Suzie

Bex4502
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 5:54 pm

Re: What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved

Post by Bex4502 » Tue Nov 01, 2016 9:59 pm

Hi and thanks for your messages they really are informative.He was in prison for sexual assault (not on a child).I'm just worried about my child's real father and what he's going to say and do...could he try taking him from me?And how long do ss stay involved for?

Bex4502
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 5:54 pm

Re: What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved

Post by Bex4502 » Tue Nov 01, 2016 10:01 pm

Sadmolerat1 wrote:Hi,

I was in a similar situation to you but did not get the splitting up option!

My partner's conviction is very serious though not against a child. We initially had a 7 week Childrens Social Care assessment. The Social worker did not speak to my then 6 year old alone although apparently she should have. She asked to see our medical records, did a PNC on myself and my partner and had a copy on my child's school report. She did not contact the school until later.

The process in itself was not to bad but the outcome was that they wanted us to do a joint Psychological Assessment. And they stopped me observing contact between my child and partner- not legally enforceable but you have to comply. This is what caused our issues and over a year on we are no further fwd to moving on. Not sure of your circumstances but def seek legal advice if they mention psychologists! We found out too late that they should have done parenting and risk assessments before going along the psychologist route. The psychologist report was totally negative and full of errors.

We only needed SS to approve our address. Probation are happy that my partner does not pose a risk to my child but although they have agreed my partner's new address we are in limbo because of the SS.

Hope this helps. Good luck.
:-)
Hi thanks it does....so are you still together?

Bex4502
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 5:54 pm

Re: What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved

Post by Bex4502 » Tue Nov 01, 2016 10:49 pm

Hi I suppose the most worrying thing about it all is what my child's father is going to say/do.I want to speak to him first and warn that the ss will be getting involved but don't know in what words to say to make it sound like it's going to be ok.Have you any ideas on how I can approach him?

Sadmolerat1
Posts: 10
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 9:36 pm

Re: What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved

Post by Sadmolerat1 » Sat Nov 05, 2016 1:13 pm

Hi,

We are still together but it's not easy. He can have unsupervised contact with any child but mine. I can let anyone have contact with my child except him! My parents have to observe any contact between him and my child which restricts the time we all have together. The SW observed us all together and raised no concerns but the managers still have these conditions in place.

In regards to my child's father, I was also concerned about how he would react. He knew I had a new partner and we always knew we would have to tell him about my partner's past. My partner and I approached him together. I thought that he would try and veto it all, which would be understandable and if roles were reversed I probably would have grave concerns too but although he was shocked, he wasn't bothered (he himself was planning to emigrate and only told me a month before he went so I think those plans were more concerning than his child).

In 2011 I had a mental breakdown (largely due to my ex ) and was hospitalised. The SS were informed by the hospital as a routine and they did nothing. When the 7 week Childrens Social Care Assessment was started they never asked me about mental health issues but my ex did raise it- saying he was concerned even though I had been a working single mother since 2012. My ex moved 75 miles away and only saw our child once a fortnight and didn't bother phoning to speak to him during the week- he has now moved to the other side of the world and Skypes my child once a fortnight so can't be that concerned ;) . The SS requested my medical records and my GP expressed no concern and yet that is the reason they did the psychological assessment on us both.

I guess the way your ex will take the news is dependent on his attitudes as a parent. My partner wanted to tell my ex on his own as it was 'his' issue but I wasn't comfortable with that. There was no way to gloss over things my partner told him about his conviction and I told my ex that there is no way I would put my child in a position where I felt he wasn't safe. I could have met someone who had no convictions but was a risk to my child or myself or someone who had convictions but didn't tell me. I had the info from the start and could make my own judgments.

Bex4502
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 5:54 pm

Re: What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved

Post by Bex4502 » Sun Nov 06, 2016 7:24 pm

Hi and thanks for the reply....I've now decided just to be friends with him...we act more like friends than bf and gf...anyway still waiting to hear from ss so I can tell him my decision and to start the 2 week assessment rolling

Bex4502
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 5:54 pm

Re: What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved

Post by Bex4502 » Sun Nov 13, 2016 2:33 pm

As it keeps on going I keep on going backwards and forwards and can't make my mind up on what to do :-(

321321
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue Sep 13, 2016 11:31 pm

Re: What to do with a boyfriend with a conviction and children's services are getting involved

Post by 321321 » Mon Nov 14, 2016 5:17 pm

How did children's services get involved in the first place? Who told them that you are together and that he has a conviction? This information would be helpful to me if you want any advice.

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