Advice on handling social services

[Minnie]

I'm getting increasingly confused with my social worker, she is lying, sending mixed messages, telling me one thing and telling family members something else. She is also interfering in my Cbt therapy by asking her address things like the volume/nature of emails, she told the therapist that my family had sent 25 and myself 13 since the beginning of October. We counted them my families were 5 and mine were 6 and were to do with contact. My family addressed this when they had a meeting, she said that didn't say that(lie number one). She raised concerns over my phone calls with my parents, she told them they were high volume and that I was coming across as needy, she also that had caller Id which said it was me, they would put me on mute and asked if she wanted to talk to me and she would say or no, I have some evidence that this has happened previously. I have logged my calls, they aren't frequent and they are to do with contact mostly. I asked yesterday about the phone calls, she played it down and told me I needed to phone rather than email as IT are filtering the external emails and they are not been received. I'm not sure how to communicate with her. I didn't know the contact arrangements for yesterday until lunchtime.
I also asked yesterday if my sister,niece and nephew could come to the next contact. She said she would have to ask her manager. She told my parents the day before that she wasn't allowed to because extended family could destabilised the placement. This wasnt mentioned to me yesterday.
She also told my parents that my contact and their contact is only been supervised because of the severity of my youngest daughter's behaviour and need to restrain if necessary, the contact staff are trained to do this. I doubt they are trained, I have been lashed out by daughter, hit in the chest, kicked in the stomach and grabbed round the neck, they stood by and did nothing but to ask if I was ok.

She went out to see the children on Thursday to tell them the changes to contact and that as from the end of this month she won't be there social worker. My youngest daughter got upset that she won't be her social worker, she said that she would miss her and new one might not be as nice. My daughter has an attachment disorder where she attaches to people very quickly. With this new one, it will be 3rd social worker since July.
My oldest daughter responsed with both the new social worker and the changes to contact news will you all just go away and leave me and Mummy alone(I feel exactly the same, I would never say). She has also disclosed that her father and step mother have called her fat (he has history of this), he told us all that he put her on a diet when asked what kind of diet, answer restricting portion size and heathly eating. She is taking food from the cupboard and fridge(she told me as much yesterday) and she has put weight on. The 1st thing she asks me when she arrives at contact is do I have anything eat and she wolfs it down.
She has is presenting as sad and withdrawn, she enjoys her hour with me. She looked really sad leaving with her father. The social worker thinks if something isn't done to address this, didn't suggest what. We could end up with a 2nd camhs referral for her. I'm hoping the Cbt therapy will address some of the issues with her.

They also recognising that I have been domestically abused by the children's father and that it was coercive control. They are recognising that he trying to push my buttons and I'm not responding. I think they are frightened of him because they not addressing some of their concerns and they are beginning to recognise that recommending their father are suitable placement was a mistake. They are beginning to panic that the placement is destabilising and it isn't me doing it. The schools involved recommended in February that a placement with their father wasn't a viable option and they weren't listened to.

The Iro said to my parents that are looking to discharge the care order as soon as possible. I hope she wasnt lying.


I'm trying to best to work with her but it's hard because I've been lied to, I don't know whether I'm coming or going.
I'm trying to best to work with them, I feel like I'm constantly under attack and this emotionally draining.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Minnie

Thanks for posting again. I am not sure that I am able to add very much more to previous recent posts regarding the social worker. If you are dissatisfied with her professionally, you should consider whether you want to make a formal complaint.

You should bear in mind that if the care order is discharged it does not necessarily mean that the children will return to your care. Unless, children services decide that the children are better with you, it could be that they remain with their father. I suggest you ask the Independent reviewing officer to confirm what was said to your parents and ask whether plan on discharge is for the children to remain with their father.

I suggest that you concentrate on the work that you are required to do and work as cooperatively as you can with children services to ensure that you are in a situation where you can apply to have your children back in your care. It will always be for the judge to decide on the evidence at the time what will be best for the children. Please read our advice sheet about children being reunited with their family from care.

A care order can be discharged by the local authority applying to the court or a parent. However, unless a parent addresses the concerns that led to a child or children being removed, and show significant changes, the likelihood of the children returning are slim.

If you wish to speak to an adviser, please telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. Monday to Friday.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Minnie]

Hi

If the care order is discharged, what are options for the local authority remaining involved? They are talking as if they are handing the reigns back of over to myself and the girl's father and that they won't be involved anymore.