advice needed re social services please * WARNING explicit content detailing domstic abuse

[t loves d2016]

hi my name is t*** i am currently * years old i first dated my ex when i was 13 up until 2 years ago we had 5 children together but it was not smooth sailing in the relationship i had to cope with dv from our first been born in 2006 i use to get locked in the house tied up in the bedroom so i could not do anything when i preggy with our 2nd born in 2008 i got pushed in a suite case when he was drunk and had to be rushed to hospital and had to have an anti d injection and had to stay in over night when i was preggy with our 3rd born he was drunk and pinned me up by my throat and put and electric grinder to my head in front of our new born he used to get constantly drunk and smash the house up n me by this time my depression got worse i had it when i was 13 anyway due to been in and out of care he use to rape me all the time if i said no he would go of in a mood and start accusing me and saying i know u are cheating on me because u wont give me sex etc then when i was preggy with our 4th born things calmed a little bit then when i had our 5th born i went onto depression tablets because by this point i was so weak i needed help and he did not like it so he started emotionally abusing me as well as physically at first i thought have i done something wrong was it me did i deserve this because no one else wanted me then one night i had popped out n came back n he started abousing me so i ran out of the door and went to a friends house where he rang and said i needed to go home as he had a really bad head ache and was dizzy n could not move and he had rang an ambulance so i went home think he was bad i got there n he got up started attacking me and i ran out door again he jumped on me car bonnet and smashed my windscreen trying to kill me so i ended it for good i had my children on my own for 9 months i asked for help from him with the kids but i never got any my depression went down hill i neglected myself aswell as my kids so i brought him back to help with the kids then it started again and in the end i lashed back out twice in the end and he got me arrested when i got relased the cops had taken my children into 72hr police protecion then social serivces got an intrim care order and then the ex got his family to put in for my kids on gso which they got because at the time i was still ill and ss did not see me fit now 2 years on down the line i have a new bf who i have been with 10 months and we have recently found out we are 7 weeks preggy and i am scared ss will take our baby i want a second chance in life and i want to be a mum properly this time as they no dv in this relationship and in time to come i want to fight back for my children i am not shoving my children out of my life i am just scared for our baby we are doing a nuturing course together as a couple in january and we are willing to do what it takes i would love some adivce i have wrote bout everything that happened so its eaiser for people to give advice also my children was on cp since 2011 came of in 2012 then back on in 2013 where they remained until 2014

*amended by Suzie to take out confidential information and to warn about content.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear tlovesd2016,

Welcome to the parents forum.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I am glad to see that things are very different for you. To suffer the abuse you suffered must have been horrendous. No doubt this would have contributed to you suffering depression and you being unable to look after yourself or your children.

You are now, 2 years later, in a new relationship and in the early stages of pregnancy. You are worried about children services involvement.

Certainly, children services will need to know about your pregnancy and will want to carry out a pre birth assessment. (You midwife or GP will refer or you could refer yourself.)
The assessment will examine both you and dads parenting ability (whether you can be a good enough parent), the environment you live in and the wider family, friends and community support.

Is there anything now that might prevent you from being a “good enough” parent?
To consider this you could go back to the courts written judgment and check why the care order was made. It will say what the risk factors were. You could address each one and make sure that you have obtained all the available support.
Have you had all the support to help you recover from the domestic and sexual abuse you suffered? For example, counselling to deal with trauma, and courses such as the freedom programme which helps women to spot the signs of abuse in new partners.
Womens aid could tell you about resources in your area.

You say that you suffered from depression. Are you getting all the health support that you need? Was there an assessment of your mental and emotional health during the care proceedings? You could read over the experts report and see whether any recommendations were made around therapeutic and medical support. Have you completed the support suggested?
If not, talk to your GP. Or organisation like Re-think or Mind who can advise about mental health and what treatment options are around.

You have been in care yourself. Was this brought up as a factor in the court judgment? Was any support suggested about any child hood trauma you might have suffered?
The care leaver’s association might be able to help around accessing support for your health, for example.

Your partner will need to engage with the assessments as well. Is he on board with this?

What support do you have in your friends and family network? The more support you have (for helping with baby) the better.

At the end of the assessment, children services will decide what level of intervention might be needed. This ranges from the usual services –such as health visitor and midwife (so no children services) to your unborn baby going on a pre- birth child protection plan.

This pre- birth plan would only be made if the social worker was worried that your baby might be at risk of suffering significant harm. The purpose of the plan would be to look for all the support you might need and plan for the birth of your child but also to monitor you and dad.

If there is a pre-birth child protection plan-which often happens when older children have gone into care, you could also ask for a family group conference to look for support within yours and dads network.

I hope this helps but if you have any questions please post again or call back our advice line for support on 0808 801 0366.

Best wishes,

Suzie