Not sure whats going to happen

[scared.com]

Hi all this is my situation ,

I have four kids in total fourteen , four , two and eight months
My oh has copd which is lung disease , i was ill in my pregnancy had brain etc and to be honest it set me back so things slacked on the home front .
My Health visitor turned up and and i was honest and said im finding things hard , my oh went to bed every afternoon while i triedto manage three kids under three . I got myself back on track kids in nursery things going well but while at nursery they got head lice i treated them and then they got them again i phoned the school explaining im finding it hard to get on top of . They said to me use the wet combing etc which just seemed to work to a point . The the school phoned my hv and my health visitor came round and said the school had said my kids had turned up dirty etc etc when my partner took them . I disputed this and asked why was not this brought to my attention i was so angry i also asked for times and dates as evan if im at work i leave out all my kids clothes etc clean everything the nursery seemed to resent this and i said i wanted to take my children out of nursery (They are two and just turned four ) . well as i said this they have offered the places to someone else hmmm is this going to go against me ? as my health visitor told me to try and keep them at the school she was aware that they may not of been offered a place back at the nursery and said you cant do anything about it .Anyway the story changed from dirty daily to a couple of times had dirty hands when my partner dropped them off etc seems a coincedence this all happened when they were notified my eldeast would not be staying there in september three weeks ago . The good thing is th hv is helping me with the head lice situation and if they get them agaqin atleast she would be able to see i have done there hair , however all i keep hearing is we dont want it to get to child protection we dont want it to get to childl protection this is scaring me re social services etc . My youngest actualy only had the eggs but my other daughter was worse reason being she does not let me near her hair i mean she shouts and screams etc etc its piercing only my oh so his being doing it. I actualy feel guilty , as i should of took more control re the nits ansd actualy am realy ashamed there my kids and should of asked for help from my hv but didnt . I have used the lotions etc and do not intend letting ot get to that stage again , however , will i be penalised of they catch them from school again and go on my record . I also feel very pressured re my house etc as my hv expects it to be immaculate and i mean not a thing out of place to be honest she commented on how i was keeping up but it cant be perfect al lthe time ? . Is this a normal expectation ? i also need to know were i stand legally re a chp issue as actualy i do feel ashamed of myself an should of took controll do not feel that it warrants socialservices input ( this has not happened yet but my health visitor kept using this as a weapon . I feel like saying you dont need me to threaten me with this i will not let it happen regardless . I love my kids more than anything and i did make a mistake i dont want to risk losing the loves of my life

[TKH]

Dont panic, all kids can get nit/lice I was a Nanny to Drs, school teachers and social workers! and all their kids got lice at some point in early childhood.
Keep a note book of times,dates and whats said -GOOD and BAD. write what you treat and how. write if theyre sick and if you decide what to do and why and write about chores - if something doesnt get done write why - valid reasons though not excuses and make it child led ie didnt get any jobs done as jonny home sick , spent quality time with him and we cooked a nutricious tea had planned nuggets but as he was unwell etc. Never ever let on you use this forum or any other one.

[scared.com]

Thankyou for you reply realy appreciated and will use the advice given thanks again x

[Esme, Moderator]

Hi scared.com

Welcome to the parents forum. I'm sorry that you're going through such a stressful time at the moment. Managing three young children is really tough, particularly as your husband is also unwell.

I can see that you have had some really useful advice from TKH already.

It sounds as though you are doing all of the right things scared.com. It is important that you continue to be open with your health visitor and show her that you are happy to seek out and accept support when appropriate.

I wonder if you do have any support coming in? Does your husband have any support services due to his health condition, for example? It may be useful for you to have a quick look at our advice sheets about family support services and support services for disabled parents to see if they are relevant to you. Also, I wonder if there is a Homestart scheme near you and if that might be a helpful source of support?

Do post back and let us know how you are getting on.

Best Wishes

Esme
FRG Moderator

[scared.com]

Hi thankyou my health visitor is coming on friday at my request as i want her to check the kids hair to make sure doing it right . i will read the leaflets ,thanks. Both the girls will be in school as of september so will take pressure of a little . Re homestart just a bit reluctant at moment i just feel like im a very private person and being intrusive. im in contact with the childrens centre and got a worker coming out tomorrow just to go through some stuff and a parenting coursewhich i asked to go on. im sopposed to start a job tohelp try and provide for my family is this a bad idea? re the parenting course i want daz to go on to as he does not get what im trying to achieve although he loves the kids sometimes he doesnt realise uhave to sacrifice certain things in order to provide .His condition is not bad at present but worse from sept tomarch time.In fairness my confidence as a parent is decreasing although i wont let it get in the way of being the best mum i can be my kids are beautiful . I find it realy hard in order to keep on top of here i have gone non stop untill i read and replied to ur response 22.30hrs i get so so tired i could cry i just want to get it right but cant seem to:(

[scared.com]

Hi just thought id give an update , The health visitor came and she was realy nice seen my point of view and is not coming again unless i need her i jumped to the wrong conclusion and totaly see were she was coming from .Daz is going on the parent puzzle course this and next week and i am going the following two weeks after ( as im on induction at work ) i see this as a positive as we love are kids and want to do our best . I am alot more consious of things finding it hard coming in after days work and tidying up not sitting down till 10.30 pm so i can stop it from deteriating regarding the house etc . If whats happened makes us jump up and do better then all the better for the kids

[Esme, Moderator]

That's great news scared.com.

At the end of the day, the fact that things are going well is down to you (and your partner) and the efforts that you have put in. Well done- your kids are lucky to have such caring parents.

Do remember that there are people out there to help when you need it and it is Ok to ask for help- we all need to at times.

Take care

Esme
FRG Moderator