please help!! I need to prove I have changed

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Worried mam :(
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Joined: Thu Aug 11, 2016 7:05 pm

please help!! I need to prove I have changed

Post by Worried mam :( » Wed Aug 24, 2016 2:50 pm

Hi, I am currently in court proceedings to try get my son back!! He was taken shortly after birth due to my alcoholism and behaviours whilst under the influence! My older children live with their dad due to being hit 2 years ago! I did drink through pregnancy but have been abstinent since his birth!! I know that I can not drink and can see how wrong I was to think I could! I have totally changed my views and need to prove to social services that I can care for my child!! I bitterly regret what alcohol did to me and know I will never go back to it!! How can I prove this in time for final hearing? I feel like the decision has already been made!!!
Please help me!! I have changed!!

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: please help!! I need to prove I have changed

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Aug 26, 2016 3:02 pm

Dear Worried mam

Thank you for your post and welcome to the Parents’ Discussion Forum.

My name is Suzie, online adviser at Family Rights Group. I am sorry that you are feeling so worried and upset about your son being removed from your care and the possibility that he might not be returned.

In your post you say that your son was removed shortly after birth due to your alcoholism. It is not clear if children services were involved with you during your pregnancy and you failed to follow any request they made for you to address your drinking especially during your pregnancy. Was drinking part of the reason your older children were removed from your care?

Whilst I appreciate that you bitterly regret the way alcohol has affected you and you genuinely believe that you will not go back to it, have you done anything to help you maintain your abstinence? It is unlikely that children services will accept that you will not continue drinking if this has been a long term problem, you do not say how old your son is, but I assume he is approximately, 6 or 7 months as the final hearing has already been set and care cases normally have to end within 26 weeks. Drinking during pregnancy, will be seen as you not putting your unborn baby’s needs before your own and not thinking of the impact that drinking would have on his development. It may be that although you are not drinking now, you have not been alcohol free for a long enough period as you have only stopped drinking since your son’s birth.

Are any family members either on your side or your son’s father’s side who might be able to care for him if you are ruled out by the court to have him back in your care? If there is, has anyone been assessed yet? If you have not put forward anyone then it is important that you do so now by giving their details to your solicitor who will ensure that the children services is aware. If you have not already had a family group conference, this might be something to consider. Our advice sheet is here for information about family group conferences.

As you have a solicitor representing you, have you discussed with your solicitor how you can show the court that it would be safe for your baby to return to your care? Have you been seen by an expert who can report on your likely prognosis with your alcoholism? The court will need to know that this is in the child’s time scale.

It is very difficult to say how you can prove that you will no longer misuse alcohol except that you have to engage with alcohol services, have regular tests, also to be seen by a psychiatrist or other professional who can provide a report to the court about your alcohol use. I suggest that you discuss this with your solicitor who is best placed to advise you as he/she has all the information about your case.

I suggest that you continue to remain abstinent, throughout the court case and engage with any alcohol services you have been asked to attend, it is only by doing this and presenting alcohol free when attending court or meeting the social worker or other professionals that you will be able to show you are not drinking.

I have included here a copy of our advice sheet about care proceedings for your information.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please do telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. Monday to Friday.

I hope this is helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

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