Difficult decision

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Minnie
Posts: 75
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2015 7:02 am

Difficult decision

Post by Minnie » Tue Jul 19, 2016 6:26 am

The final hearing was last week, on the 1st day I was given 2 choices by the barrister. The 1st was fighting
my case for the whole 3 days with the risk discrediting my risk and losing, prior to the 3 days starting the barrister felt was with the number 2 position with the girl's father been number 1 or agreeing with the recommendations of the local authority and the Guardian by allowing the girls to go to their father. The barrister felt high chance that he would fail and we could return to court and could get them. I agreed to this on the condition that I could a decent level of contact with the girls. The local authority had suggested monthly(my social worker has taken a dislike to me from day one with very little reason to and knocked me down at every turn) and the Guardian was suggesting weekly. The contact arrangements went backwards and forwards between the local authority,my barrister and judge. The social worker wanted fortnightly(he no longer works for the local authority,possibly went before pushed),the Guardian stuck with weekly and the child psychologist became involved,he wanted weekly. I got weekly contact for three hours, an hour with each of my girls and a joint hour. Contact with my oldest daughter individually is in community and my youngest is the contact centre as she needs containing(local authority’s words not mine) due to her behaviour problems and inability to manage them(this why I don't have them in my care). I'm also still supervised. I have a new social worker who has said my contact will be reviewed weekly,I hoping it will become unsupervised and then I can have more.
The decision made wasn't what my girls wanted,they wanted to be with me. The reality is setting in that I may not have them back with me until the care order comes to an end, my feeling is that the children's father may try and get it discharged and the Guardian suggested that we could. My old social worker took great pleasure in telling me that the girls wouldn't be back in my care until they were 18. Also,it's a matter of time before he fails as him and partner have no experience of my daughter's severe behaviour and have been deemed by the professionals that they can manage it with very little evidence of this. The school and foster carers have more than struggled with her,her school is a behaviour unit and foster carers have struggled to point they have given notice due to her behaviour and lack of support.
My feeling is that I will get the girls back in the long run but I'm having to take a back seat. As from tommorow,I'm not going to see them nearly 3 weeks to allow them to settle in. This is very hard. I feel myself and my daughter's have been let down by a failing system. The reasons I don't have them is inability to manage my youngest daughter's behaviour(she has been diagnosed with 3 conditions) and lack of local family support.
I need some advice on how handled this,my new social worker seems far more positive than my old one. She is listening to me and not shutting me out. My family think I shouldn't trust her because of the experience of the last one.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 4207
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Difficult decision

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Jul 20, 2016 1:10 pm

Dear Minnie,

Thank you for posting back. I can see that the court decided that there should be a full care order but that the girls will be placed with their father and you will have a high level of contact-every week-supervised by children services.

Although it is not the result you wanted (and things seemed very close) your level of contact could be built upon with a view, as you say, to moving to unsupervised contact and maybe a return of the girls to you if the placement with dad was to break down.

It also gives you the opportunity to continue to show that you are able to work with professionals-particularly the new social worker who you seem to have a good rapport with.

Although your family say that you should not trust her-because of the terrible experience you had with the last social worker, I think it would be better if you can built up a good relationship with her.
Let her know that you hope for contact to move to unsupervised and ask her what support could you access to allow that to happen in the future. What does she want to see from you?

Your specific question was about help in handling the social worker. Here are some tips that you might find helpful.

Did the psychologist, guardian or social worker recommend further support or courses that you should access-such as a specific one linked to your daughter’s diagnosis?
If so, you could seek that support from the social worker or you could find the support yourself. Maybe Contact a family or Young Minds might be able to offer you help around your daughter’s diagnosis.

When you get a copy of the court’s judgment, read through it to see why a care order was made.
For the court to consider discharging the care order in the future, you would need to show that there has been substantial changes since the care order was made and that it is in the best interests of your girls.

A full care order means that-children services will have parental responsibility which they will share with you and dad.
Children's Services must find out your wishes about any decision they make about your girls, but they always have the final say and can ultimately make plans for your girls even if you didn’t agree with them.
If children services were considering removing your girls from dad into care, then recent guidance from the court says that unless it is an emergency, there should be a notice period of 14 days which should be written into the care order. This then would allow you and dad to seek legal advice.

The girls will still have a care plan detailing how their needs will be met. This will be reviewed regularly at a looked after children review meeting. Our advice sheet Duties to children in the care system set out the review process and how you should be involved in this.

I can why you feel that you and your family have been let down by a failing system. As you say, if you had a diagnosis and support for your daughter’s health condition in the first place then maybe things would not have hit crisis point.
However, now I hope-with the priority that looked after children are afforded when accessing, for example mental health support, your daughter will get the health support that she needs.
Minnie, please post back if you have any questions and to let us know how things are going for you.

Best wishes,

Suzie

Minnie
Posts: 75
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2015 7:02 am

Re: Difficult decision

Post by Minnie » Wed Jul 20, 2016 7:57 pm

Hi

The psychologist recommended Cbt for myself and both girls,my youngest daughter has had a referral to Camhs due to her behaviour. The Cbt for myself is to build my confidence which has been low due to the children’s father's behaviour towards me. This should last about 6 weeks for myself and my daughter. My youngest is about 20 weeks.
I discovered from oldest daughter that the old social worker told them that I made the decision for the children to go to their father. This wasn't necessary to tell them that. They were very distressed during the final contact for 3 weeks. They cried leaving me tonight. I knew this final contact was going to be difficult.

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