Suggested SGO - So frightened

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Joined: Fri May 24, 2019 12:21 am

Suggested SGO - So frightened

Post by Pepperpot » Thu Jul 16, 2020 8:31 am

I hope someone can help as I’m so scared. At the end of 2018 my husband died, and I coped until March when I had a bit of a turn for the worst and drank too much alcohol . My children were placed in foster care and I got them back in November 2019. In March this year I drank on one occasion which they classed as a relapse - I am on medication and because of lockdown I didn’t get my medication in time so I hadn’t had it for a few days, it makes me feel extremely disoriented etc. So they went to stay with my mum and I decided to come off that medication so an incident like this wouldn’t happen again. I cut it down gradually until I had to take one tablet then miss two days then another, and once again I found myself completely out of sorts, I drank some wine (the kids were at my mums), I got an infection and ended up in hospital for a couple of days. Having spoke to the doctors I am finally finishing this awful medication on Friday and starting on mirtazapine, something I have taken before but had to stop when I was pregnant. I am also on the waiting list for cbt. Positive steps I thought. Yesterday I found out they are going to give my mum an SGO in September and my children cannot return to me. I’m devastated. My husband is dead, maybe I grieved the wrong way, my children were taken which broke my heart and now they want to take them permanently. I’ve read how hard it is to get an SGO overturned and I really feel it’s a step too far too soon. I felt like I was making positive changes now I just feel like I’m in a dark hole. Can I stop this? What can I do? I feel like I have no one to talk to and my mum says it’s my own stupid fault anyway. I can’t stop crying, they’re just babies, 3 and 6 and they’re asking to come home. How on earth can I tell them they’re not?
Please help me , thank you xxx

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: Suggested SGO - So frightened

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Tue Jul 28, 2020 3:56 pm

Dear Pepperpot

Welcome back to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. I am sorry I have not been able to respond to your query sooner.

I am very sorry to hear that the children are no longer in your care. It sounds as if you have had a difficult time and have been unwell; this would have affected your ability to care for your young children which I think you recognised. In the meantime the children have been safely cared for by your mum. This has allowed you to take some positive action to address your alcohol use and medication and put yourself forward for CBT. Although you are understandably very upset at the moment, it is really important that you focus on your wellbeing and getting the right support for yourself. This will also benefit the children. Maybe bereavement counselling would also help you.

It is not clear from your post if you asked your mum to care for the children or if children’s services placed them with her as their foster carer. Either way there seems to be a recommendation that she becomes their special guardian. Only the court can make this legal order if they decide that it is in the children’s best interests and their welfare requires it. From what you say, I am guessing that there is a court hearing in September to consider this. Do you have a solicitor? If you are in care proceedings you would have legal aid to have a solicitor represent you.

If you have a proposal about how you can safely care for the children, setting out what support you have in place and what you/your children would need, you should make sure that you put this to their social worker and the court.

Please read this advice sheet on Special Guardianship: what birth parents need to know very carefully – it sets out not only how the court makes its decision but also what the alternatives are. Your wishes and feelings must be addressed in the social worker’s report and the court will consider how able you are to meet your children’s needs.

If an SGO is made this will mean that the children remain in your family and often this allows for regular contact; if you think that your mum will not support this if she does get the order then you would need to ask the court to make a Child Arrangement Order for you to spend time with the children.

It isn’t easy to discharge a SGO but it can be possible if the situation improves significantly and it is the right decision considering the child’s welfare and is in their best interests.

I hope this helps explain things a bit more.

Please do post again or call the freephone advice helpline on 0808 8010366 during its opening hours of 9.30 am to 3.00 pm, Mon to Fri.

With best wishes


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