Desperate for help please

[littlemiss1753]

Hi

I have two boys which have both been given to their grandmother on their fathers side in a court ordered SGO which was granted this January.

The circumstances leading up to this was last April I went to bed leaving my ex partner putting my youngest son then 4 months old down in his cot in our room I fell asleep straight away and was woken about 30 mins or so by my ex turning on the light and telling me something was wrong with my baby. He laid him on the bed in front of me and told me something was wrong with his arm I looked at him and put my finger in the palm of his hand waiting for him to grip it or move and he didn't, after barely two minutes I was on the phone to the non emergency number talking to the operator trying to get him help, I was told to get him to a and e so I then arranged for a family member to look after my oldest which luckily took only 20 mins or so and off we went to a and e. My ex didn't elaborate on what had happened just said his arm must have got stuck in the cot when he went do get him out, I had no reason to doubt him as we had been together for 5 years by this point and had the boys for 3 and a half years and I've never been concerned about my ex handling my boys at all. An x-ray was done and at this point it was determined that my son had a fractured upper arm and a few tiny bruises on his back, social was called in at this point.

At first I was allowed around my boys supervising my ex as they didn't consider me to be a threat to my children, then it turned into we both needed someone to supervise us so for two weeks my exs mother stayed in our home supervising us with the boys but then decided she wanted to go home, we were forced to sign our children over under section 20 or lose them.

A few weeks after that my son had some full body scans done, and it was found that he had a fractured lower rib which I couldn't account for and my ex said he couldn't account for. Again and again I told social, police and my lawyers I had no clue what had happened as I truly didn't know all I know is that I went to bed and woke up with my whole life destroyed in the space of 30 mins because of someone else.

Court was delayed and social did none of their work on time and in fact lied about what I had said and even made up complete things that I had never said, they stole my children and abandoned me in darkness, I was allowed to see my boys on a weekday by myself every week for 4 hours and on a sat and Sunday for 4 hours each with my ex however the grandmother didn't like this.

Two months before court my lawyers told me that my ex must be hiding something as nothing was adding up and asked me to have a truthful talk with him, I did and he admitted he had pulled my son out of the cot roughly however hadn't meant to harm him that he was just very mentally messed up at the time and hid it from everyone, he admitted he should have backed away and woke me to deal with my son but didn't. He promised there was nothing else to say.

It got to court in January things where looking good for me social had drawn up a care plan saying they would support the boys in coming home to me and only me if that's what the judge decided so I was quite positive as all parenting assessments, risk assessments, boys medical history's , educational and social history's where perfect when they were in my care. The first day of court when it ended my exs lawyers called me in as he wanted to talk to me, he admitted to me that he had got frustrated and grabbed my son by the arm and then heard a pop which is when he then settled him down quick and woke me up. The judge wasn't happy with this explanation as it had come after the experts had said how this injury could have happened. The next day during court when my ex was in the stand he confessed to one morning while I was downstairs rolling on my youngest while he was in bed with him he said he didn't appear to be injured and hadn't told me about this he also admitted on the third day to getting frustrated with my son while he was in the house looking after both of them alone and picking up my youngest and squeezing him tight around the chest which he said might be how he got the rib fracture.

On the third day the judge determined that she believed my exs confession however due to the way he came out and said it bit by bit she couldn't truly believe that he wasn't trying to protect me out of love rather than him just not having the balls to come forward earlier so she ruled us both in the pool of purpotratiors and awarded an SGO to the grandmother who has since then taken that power and ran with it cutting me out of my boys lives as much as possible.

I have done a appeal to the judge who made the decision and that failed and I have also done a written appeal to the appeals court in london which failed costing me around 11k for the both of those.

I feel lost and betrayed, I feel like I wasn't judged honestly by myself I was judged because of my ex and his lies, never once did what I say change I was only guilty of believing my ex when he promised me that nothing had happened yet again as I say I never had any reason to doubt him. I honestly have never done anything to either of my boys and there is no proof I ever had only glowing reviews of me as a mother yet still I'm guilty by association, guilty for being asleep.

I've lost my sons, my very reason for existing. They have been gone for 11 months now, my youngest was four months when he was taken and he doesn't know me at all and that kills me. I'm losing everything I had and I have no where to turn. It's so frustrating to be innocent but not be able to prove it and not have anyone want to listen, I just want my babies back but now I have no where to turn for help and I have no clue what to do. Please please help me everything is at stake here.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Littlemiss,

Welcome to the Parents Forum. I am sorry that it has taken time to respond to your post.

I can’t imagine how you must be feeling to find out that your baby suffered serious non accidental injuries and then for the court to say that you were in the pool of perpetrators-that you may have caused those injuries to your child.

The consequence has been that both children to have been placed with their grandmother under special guardianship orders. Please see our advice sheet about special guardianship orders for parents

I can see that you have tried appealing through the courts but have up to now been unsuccessful. What other steps has your legal team recommended?

The alternative would be to seek to revoke the special guardianship order.
However, you would need to apply for permission from the court first. To get permission you would have to show that there has been a change in circumstances since the special guardianship order was made and that it is in your children best interests to return to live with you. While things stand as they are, this may be very difficult to do.

Are you keeping in touch with your boys through contact with them?
What did the judge say about your boy’s contact with you? Did she say that you could have supervised contact? Was a court order made? Or was it left in the discretion of grandmother?
You do have the remedy of going back to court for a contact order, if it is not happening or to ask that a court order be varied. Children services can also provide support to promote contact. See our advice sheet about special guardianship orders I linked to above.

Here is some information about contact when children are placed within the extended family.


Please post back or call our advice line for further support and advice.

Best wishes,
Suzie

[littlemiss1753]

Hi my legal team said the only other option I could try right now was an oral appeal in londons court of Appeal however I don't receive legal aid anymore and considering I've all ready spent 16k on appeals they said there was such a tiny chance of winning that they wouldn't recommend me going ahead with it.

I was told what I can do is wait a few years and go to court again to see if I can get the SGO revoked however I'm not entirely sure what a significant change in circumstances could be in regards to my situation as no one seems to want to tell me. I have all ready made major changes in my life as I kicked out my ex in January so I have managed to negotiate to keep my house and transfer the rental agreement to me in just my name, I have picked up two part time jobs so I have my own income coming in, I also attend college doing a few courses to better myself and I have recently completed a stress and anxiety course with the nhs. I plan to go on a parenting course with the local sure start after easter and I'm hoping I can also do a first aid course through my job however I'm not sure how much more I can do to prove I've changed when there has been no issue with my life if you get what I mean. I don't drink, don't smoke or do drugs and don't gamble, I am a bit overweight so will tackle that to prove that I do have the energy to keep up with my boys but what else can I do.

The only other option I have is that I was told i can't get the SGO dropped I would have to wait till my boys where about 11 to approach a judge with them so they could say if they wanted to live with me.

That's too long away, it's killed me that I've been without them for nearly a year now let alone I might lose them for 10 more years.

The judge ordered supervised visitation once a month if parents where having separate contact for 4 hours each or if we were visiting together which we do as the boys get upset if only one of us comes then we get to see them once a fortnight for 4 hours although the grandmother and social are disputing this however I will quite happily take them back into court if they do not follow the final court order. Any extra contact is by the grandmothers discretion however she doesn't want to speak to either me or my ex so I can't see her being nice to give me any more contact than what I'm obliged to.

Social says they will only be involved till January 2017 and after then they don't care what happens as the boys won't be on their radar then so I will approach social again nearer November 2016 to see if I can get another risk assessment done on me so if it's positive I could go to court for increased contact or overnights perhaps.

Thanks

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Littlemiss1753

I am sorry that you are in this difficult situation and have had two failed appeals.

Your lawyers who are very familiar with your case has given you the benefit of their advice regarding a further appeal and since they know the case and all the circumstances, it might be best to take their advice. If you feel strongly about this, then you could seek advice and help from the Bar Pro Bono Unit whose website is here .

Part of the difficulty you had was probably sticking with your ex-partner, especially when you knew you had done nothing to your children but that is really water under the bridge now. You say you are making changes to your life and it is important that you do you. What you also need to do is read the judgement that was given at the time the judge made the order. From this, you will see what the main concerns about you were and what you need to address.

I think the important thing for you is to work with the Special Guardian and, if necessary, seek assistance from Children Services, who are required to provide support services where there is a special guardianship order. These services include mediation to help parents to have contact. If you would like increased contact, then try mediation and if that does not work, you could apply to the court for more contact.

If you wanted to apply to discharge the Special Guardianship Order, you will need permission of the court to do so. This order is seen as providing permanence for children so would only be changed if it is in the children’s best interest. As you are currently having limited contact, the court might take the view that the children are settled and should not return to your care. You need to be having good quality contact. You say you are continuing to have contact with the father, is that the same person who caused the injuries?

You say that Children Services will not be involved after 2017, so it is important that you try to get them to support you in negotiating with the grandmother for more contact. This would be better than having to go to court but if you have to then it is something you will need to consider further.

The Special guardian is the person who is able to exercise parental responsibility for the children. Children Services do not have any parental responsibility for your boys as there is only a Supervision Order in place. The purpose of this is to monitor the placement to ensure it is going well and to assist where necessary to help the special guardian and parents. If there is an order for contact then that is what you should have and if not, then you can ask the court to enforce the order.

I am not sure about the advice that you would have to wait until your children are 11, as this would be they would have been in their placement for a substantial period of time and the Court is likely to take a view that the status quo should remain. This is unless it could be shown that it would be in the children’s interest to change it. I suggest that you contact the Children’s Legal Centre on 0300 330 5480 who may be able to give you more advice about going back to court to have the Special guardianship Order discharged.

Should you wish to speak to an adviser, please do telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open Monday to Friday from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m.

I hope you find this helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie