SGO

[chrissy]

I got into a relationship with a guy that turned out was on the SOR. After hearing what happened by him and his ppu, I stayed in a relationship. We live a good distance apart. I used to take my daughter most weekends to have days out with him, her safety was my most concern. She never went to his flats, she was never left in the car with him. But then the ss got involved, they ordered me to keep him away from family home while assessments took place. I did this for 6 months, I went once a week to see him alone. He is allowed around children, if in a relationship the mother of the child has to know his background. He was charged with touching his 15 year old step daughters breasts, his friends and family Alltel me his wife has set him up, but in my eyes he went to prison. She also had the kids taken of her because she always drank.
My daughter is on the register for emotional only, I've had a very emotional 18 months over the decision the ss said I made to put her with my sister, all I remember of the 3 days in court was how I couldn't stop crying. I'm on a non offenders course for 18 weeks which started in November. I couldn't go on it last year because the job I was in wouldn't give me the day of, my ss worker said she would phone my boss and tell her every thing so I could get the day of. I totally refused after that, now I've changed job I phoned the course to go on it.
I had to put a complaint in over ss to get Xmas contact, I go to a centre which is closed over Xmas but I have had contact at my sisters, not great but always went. I did get my contact in the end.
Next month, the ss are going for the SGO for my sister, this has drove a wedge between us. I can hope for unsupervised after course is finished. But other day ss said if I go see boyfriend again it will go back to supervised!!! So why should I finish the course if its going to make no difference. I don't want this guy near my child until he has been on courses and had assessment done, ut never for over night access, just days out.
Its all confusing how they change there mind.
I know my sister will limit my contact to get at me, and I know the ss will attach statement for little contact. I told my solicitor about ss lies, her reply was don't go again them it looks bad in court. So they just get away with every thing. I have phoned the iro woman few times over ss, she advised me put complaint in, but carnage involved she there for my daughter.
I need help on how to be strong, this is making me ill

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Chrissy

I have already responded to you in your private message post.

Best wishes

Suzie

[chrissy]

Hi Suzie,
I have a big problem.
As I said in my last post my daughter is in care with my sister. I'm really not happy how she is being treated I've seen it for myself how sisters daughters 14 and 16 are some times with my daughter. Yesterday I saw on face book some thing the 14 year old put on. It was in a disgusting sexual nature. I spoke to my sister she told me mind my own business, I have my contact in a centre, because when I've been round sisters for it I carne handle how my daughter is treated there, resulting me only staying 20 mins on last time there. I wanted to go back to the centre where my contact is great. I'm always asking my daughter if she is ok, she always says yes. Ive been told by one of my older daughters who had younger daughter over night, younger one had problem told older one who went to sister to ask what happened, sister explained. When other older daughter had young one, she was told by young one that sister had go at her for saying she had problem in first place. Now Cs saying young one needs councilling because school have noted there is some thing that seems to be bothering her, they said it was my fault.
I shown contact worker what was put on face book, she told me to tell Cs asap. But my problem is if I do will it make it worse for my daughter, and there could be a possibility she could be removed and put with strangers. I'm so confused,
She does seem happy there, but is she not allowed to say other wise.?
Please reply soon, contact worker going to put I've got concerns in repoet.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Chrissy,

I can see that you are worried about your daughter. The school also have concerns about your daughter. They have reported that something is bothering her. Your older daughter is worried as well.

I am glad that you have shown the contact worker the picture on Facebook that so worries you. She has advised you to report it to children services.
She is a professional who is use to working with children and with social workers.

You should follow her advice.

I suggest that you get in touch with the social worker as soon as possible.
As part of the investigation, the social worker will want to speak to your daughter-so may get to the bottom of what is worrying her.
Tell her that you are worried that your sister will have a go at your daughter-as this happened before.

I would hope that the social worker will then be particularly sensitive in her investigation.
The social worker can speak to the school, contact worker and your other daughter.

You still have the legal parental responsibility for your daughter, so by making the referral, in the light of what you have said, I think you will be looking after your daughter.


If you have any questions, please post back.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[chrissy]

Thanks for getting back to me.

I reported my concerns not just the picture but also lots of other stuff, the social worker went round my sisters and took my daughter to the park. I also know the Cs spoke to sister over it all. I got txt of sister saying I'm not allowed to phone or face time daughter unless it was at her house, (I face time and phone while daughter at her older 2 sisters homes). I replied that unless Cs tells me and in writing then I will continue to do it. I prefere it that way. She also txt my oldest daughter telling her she couldn't take her to the zoo, but then txt again to say she could. Both my older daughters going to phone Cs over the calls, because they can supervise my contacts so the calls shouldn't change. The Cs has not phoned me over how its being sorted with my sister, I'm very disappointed. My daughter is on register for emotional and was taken from me. With my sister she experiencing emotional, physical and being manipulated not to speak out, she gets into trouble otherwise. I e phoned daughters iron and waiting for her to ring back. Looks like slap on wrist for sister and I'm the bad one again.
I will update when iron or Cs get in touch.

[chrissy]

Update.

I have not heard from my daughters IRO lady, or have I heard from Cs.

I have sent the Cs a txt this morning, asking how my concerns are being dealt with and want it in writing, I also said she needs to remember I also have pr and want to be kept up to date with my daughters matters.
I'm very stressed now. I phoned my soliciter for some advice to be told she has left and works for different company. I have left her messages on her mobile,
Both my older daughters have phoned the Cs over the calls and face time but not had reply. I'm still going to do it I've not been told other wise.
Has any one been in this situation with Cs, any advice would be good.

[chrissy]

Totally fuming,

Cs just phoned me we discussed the concerns I had brought up. She said my daughter not speaking out is my fault, I was pleasant with her up to this point. In contact I don't show my daughter how much I'm hurting over all this, we have excellent contact which we both enjoy. So how can I be showing daughter I'm not settled to make her now unsettled.

She is trying to push the SGO, I asked what contact would I get from court she said she going to ask court keep it as one and half hours, I'm fuming over this. I'm on a course until may which now is no use to me, when I was told it would help my contact. If I contact my ex again it will be supervised again. I know my sister is going to make my contact difficult if she gets the SGO.
I told Cs she only sees what my sister wants her to see, my daughter won't speak out. And they blame me.
Ive cancelled contact for tmw because I know I will try talk to my daughter, then the contact worker will cut the session.I'm not allowed to ask daughter about any thing she wants, but every else is allowed.
What happens if I don't want to sign the SGO?, I know contact will be a whole lot of trouble when my sister is in charge of it.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Chrissy,

I am sorry to hear how frustrating things are at the moment. You tried to be protective (as advised by the contact worker). Did the contact worker report the Facebook post-to the social worker as you had expected?
You see yourself as being protective but the social worker does not see this. You could ask the social worker to explain what she means about it being your fault that your daughter does not speak out.
I understand that your sister may seek a special guardianship order. Have a look at the advice sheet I gave you about special guardianship orders.
It details how you might be able to get support to help with contact.


When is the next Looked after child (LAC) review? Contact will be addressed at this meeting as it is part of the care plan. Can you chase the independent reviewing officer for a response to your letter?

You say your course will be completed in May. Will this be enough to make you a safe and protective parent?
Do you have a copy of the court’s judgment from the care proceedings? You could look at this and check that you are doing everything you can to make substantial changes.

Here is some information about Managing Contact when children are placed friends and family carers and what helps.
If you have any further questions, please post back.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[chrissy]

Suzie thank you for replying,

The contact worker also told the cs about the face book thing. I had a call from the iro she actually said she can't get involved, and basically told me to stop phoning over matters that she can't help with!!!.I've looked at information on what her job is, and I'm right to phone her over concerns I have, she just said my daughter can phone her any time. My daughter is 9 and has told one of older daughters she can't phone her because my sis will be listening.
All I had to do in the papers is get rid of boyfriend and do the course, I've done both, the course is to help me understand the risks and to get unsupervised contact. But the cs told me last week she going make the court still give me hour and half, not sure how often though
I'm going phone contact worker tomorrow I want my contact this week, I'm hoping my daughter asks me about last week then I can talk to her, I'm not allowed to talk to her other wise, I think its in case she says she wants to come home, then it be spanner in works for cs. I'm thinking of going to see the head mistress at school tell her my concerns, I know my neices are teenagers but I don't think my daughter should know some of the stuff she does.
I don't know what to do any more, I'm on auto pilot. I got in touch with my solicitor she doesn't work for company that she did, but gave me a name and number for another good one. If I get a glimer that daughter wants to come home I'm going all out to try and get her. At the moment she is telling cs she wants stay at sisters, but is it what she really wants, is that why she has gone non chatty about every thing.
I will keep you updated, I love my girl with all my heart but if she wants to stay where she is I will support her. Just can't cope with little contact.
Thanks x

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Chrissy,

I can see you are worried about two issues. Whether your daughter is safe with your sister and the type of contact you have with your daughter.

You made a safeguarding referral to children services. It sounds like the social worker had a word with your sister. What is the outcome of her assessment?

The second issue is contact. There seems to be a lot of stress about this. Can some of the issues be sorted out within your family (via mediation) as your daughter could also picking up on the difficulties?
You would also like contact to move to being unsupervised.
As you say, you have completed the course and you are no longer with exe who is considered dangerous to children. Children services could assess the change. Does contact still need to be supervised?
You could email and ask about these issues. If not, when is the next looked after children meeting? Your daughters care plan including contact will be considered here.

Children services will also be doing an assessment (including contact) during your sister’s application for a special guardianship order. Do you at what stage this has reached? Have a look at our advice sheet about special guardianship orders which sets out the court process and the different orders that can be applied for.

Best wishes,

Suzie