Feel hopeless and a failure

[honeybee1984]

Hello,
Well its official the snatchers are putting my daughter up for adoption, this was their intention all along from the moment she was taken from me, they've never had any intention on returning her to me, she is the perfect baby to adopt. My daughter has no health issues, no disabilities and wasn't born drunk or druggie - the perfect adoptive material.
I have done everything that has been asked of me and more and yet they still don't feel its enough - which I knew would happen, its all based around my relationship with my ex partner - don't the snatchers realise I have been a victim of DV which has seriously clouded my decision making and choices in my life?
I regret deeply not getting help and support back with my eldest daughter and step son there is no excuse that justifies why I didn't get the help and support and I have already stated that if I could turn the clock back I would.
Yes I got back with my ex partner but how many women do get back with their abusive exs - there are thousands right and as my outreach worker has said she would be out of a job if women didn't get back with their abusive exs.
When I got back with him, there weren't any children in my care, so surely as an adult it was my choice, the wrong choice but my choice.
I have done a parenting course, CBT and now have an appointment at the same place for some intensive counselling, I am starting the freedom programme on the 18th, I have remained away from my ex partner and I am hoping to move by the end of this month. STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH IN THE SNATCHERS EYES. I am damned if I do damned if I don't, they lie and twist everything I say, they reckon I was forced to get rid of my ex - no I was advised to get rid of him to stand a chance of getting my daughter back. Surely any parent that hears these words would get rid of their partners, no one held a gun to my head and said 'you will get rid of him' I was advised and it was down to me whether I took the advice. The snatchers exact words were 'there is no guarantee you will get her back in 6 months time but you stand a higher chance if you get rid of him' this was just a ploy, there was no chance either way.
I have done numerous courses but they reckon I have only done them as a result of these proceedings, even my solicitor has said you need to focus on the fact that you are doing them, doesn't matter that you've only just started now.
I have told them I have no intention on returning to him, this is why I am doing the freedom programme, having counselling to help me with the good man and the bad man and any type of relationship in the future and to really pick away at my past and how I have ended up where I am today. ( they reckon I will get back with him and/or that I wont be able to protect my daughter from any other dangerous person I come into contact with) Can't they see this as a positive rather then how they are seeing it and that I am desperate to do everything to get my daughter back.
Even the move they reckon there is an alterer motive - why can't they just for once see this as a positive, that I am evening moving on so that the ex doesn't know where I am and in turn that is a protective factor for myself and my daughter.
They are using the excuse as to why they're not giving me any help or support because I have been pro active and sought out these courses etc myself, this is rubbish, they should be helping and supporting me. They could easily turn up unannounced to my property every other day, the health visitor could turn up once a week, I could take my baby down to the childrens centres to groups, have someone from the homestart come out, even visit the GP once a month, even if she's otherwise fit and well. They could help me with stuff on emotional warmth and boundries and all of this could be done under a supervision order but no they would rather just adopt my baby out and wash their hands up on me, this is the exact reason why I did deceive professionals, I knew I would be having these problems if I had been open and honest and whether I had my daughter with my ex or a new partner.
They are also using the excuse that I have no support from family or friends and would be isolated. How many mothers parent alone with no help or support, there are thousands, so what excuse is that? They are finding anything they can to use against me, they are grabbing at thin air because they know they have nothing to go on this time.
The snatchers find all the excuses under the sun, they pick out all the negatives, never the positives, even though in the snatchers parenting assessment there was not much between the positives and negatives, in fact there were 6 positives and 7 negatives. All of my contact sheets have been positive, my daughter follows me around the room, is chatty and has good eye contact with me. The snatcher even praised me on how well I settled my daughter yesterday when she was distressed but I guarantee she'll use the fact that my daughter settled on the floor with her dummy in her mouth, me stroking her cheek and talking to her in soft tones while maintaining eye contact against me - why because she didn't settle in my arms, well maybe she wanted to be on the floor but the fact is whatever way I settled her.
I know the judge makes the final decision and my solicitor told me that if the snatchers decide on adoption for my daughter then the judge will ask why despite all I have done - s/he wont s/he will just lick the snatchers backside as they always do.
I hate and distrust the snatchers sooooooo much and I believe with good reason too.
They don't like confrontation either, when my nan started to have a go at the snatcher yesterday she found excuses to justify things, even the CAFCASS officer found excuses, they just don't listen, they don't like it when they know what you're saying is actually true and they know it too.
I don't even know why my solicitor is still representing me as there is no case to win, the snatchers will get what they want like they always do and they clearly haven't looked at all options at keeping my daughter home with me, I quote 'I can understand you think this because of the past but you have to be neutral, we will look at all options' snatchers words when she asked me what I think will happen to my daughter.
I hope that the snatchers are going to give me some money for my surrogacy services and the hundreds of pounds I spent on my daughters stuff that I bought her. I can tell you now though the snatchers aren't getting anymore of my babies, I am getting myself done. I am not cut out to be a mother, why is whoever it is up there throwing rubbish at me and not allowing me to be happy, be a mum. In the snatchers eyes my ex is the risk but my god I am the problem and always will be and they are never going to give me a chance, they have had issues with me from the start, when I first started a relationship with my ex they didn't like me.
Sorry its long.

[honeybee1984]

anyone on here got any help or support?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi Honeybee1989,

I have just posted a reply on your earlier thread.

Suzie

[honeybee1984]

hi Susie I cant find your post, which of my posts did you put it on?

[Murray72]

Oh dear Honeybee,
I am so sorry and reading your posts is heartbreaking, I cannot offer any words of advice for your current situation regarding care proceedings because CS did not seek adoption in my case.

I would advise you to be gentle with yourself and whilst it is perfectly natural to look back over past events and question what could have been different, it not helpful to get into a cycle of doing this. I would grab all the help and support you can, especially from the professionals. Rid yourself of any negative influences in your world. You have to take each day as it comes and sometimes the easiest way is hour by hour. Enjoy every minute of the remaining contact you have with your Daughter. Do not be pulled into any battles with CS, all this does is zap you of energy you will need to survive the next few months.

I do not know enough to offer advise regarding appealing the adoption, but if and where possible I would fight the adoption.

Best of luck and hope you find the support you are looking for.

Murray