Help and advice

[Hollz84]

Hi

I'm new here but I'm looking for some help and advise, this might be a bit long (sorry) but I need to get this right out there.

I have three children, they are not in my care, my eldest is in LAC, my middle is with his father and my youngest is with her grandparents. They were removed my care due too two bad relationships, with bad men. ( don't ask me how I managed it twice in a row, very bad judge of character). It's been nearly two years since my eldest two have been gone and my baby was taken the moment she was born in november last year.

I am in a very happy stable relationship with a very lovely man now, I took sometime out to clear my head, get out of a rut I had got stuck in and try and improve myself as a person. 2 days ado we found out I was pregnant only a few weeks, and I'm terrified, (not planned). I don't know what to do next and I'm so scared of losing another child.

I have put my hands up to my mistakes, I have stated clearly that I could of done more. I also fought for more help and support from my old LA which I never recieved. I know I have done wrong, I was never judged on my capabilities as a parent e.g basic daily living, I wash judged in my relationship with the wrong type of men. So I'm asking if anyone has been through this please give me som advice on what I can do, where I cna get support from and the best way to deal with the LA here and how best to approach them ( they aren't yet aware of the pregnancy as there is no involvement with them at presant)to show I have moved on and that I am doing much better for myself.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Hollz84

Welcome to Family Rights Group Parents’ Discussion Forum.

My name is Suzie and I am one of the Advisers at Family Rights Group.

I am sorry that having found out about your pregnancy you are feeling terrified because of your previous involvement with Children Services. This is understandable as I am sure you are hoping that you will be able to care for your baby once he or she arrives.

It is unfortunate that you found yourself involved in 2 different relationships which you describe as bad. Luckily, two of your children have remained within their family. I assume that your eldest is in long term foster care. Do you still have contact with the children?

Although you are now in a stable relationship and, it seems in a new area, it is very important that you inform Children Services where you are about your pregnancy. This way it will show that you are being honest and open and not trying to hide anything from them. If you do not tell them, once you attend your midwife she is likely to make a referral to Children Services because of your previous involvement. This does not have to be a negative situation as you say you have moved on and turned things around in your life. Children Services is unlikely to become involved with you in the early stages of your pregnancy but will be want to carry out an assessment to see if you are able to care for your baby either with your partner or on your own. The time they become involved might be after 20 -22 weeks. This will of course, depend on your relationship, the changes you have made and the support you will have around you to care for the baby. Children Services will want to find out about your new partner and his background as well.

If you are not in a new area then it is still important that you inform Children Services and the same will apply. They will need to consider how things are for you now.

Initially, there might be a pre-birth planning meeting to decide what will happen when the baby is born. If there is a positive assessment and no concerns it could mean you caring for your child. It is not clear from your post what concerns Children Services had about your parenting of your older children. Is it the case that you were requested to separate from your then partners to keep the children safe or were there other concerns?

I am including here information from our frequently asked questions (FAQs) for your information. You may also like to read our advice sheet relating to child protection procedures.

I suggest that you make sure that you attend all your antenatal appointments and accept any help and support offered to you in respect of your pregnancy. If you have never done a parenting course, then you should try to find one. Also, if domestic abuse was an issue in your previous relationship you should engage with a domestic violence service this will help you to recognise what will help to ensure you do not end up the same situation as with previous relationships. Please contact Women’s Aid who will be able to provide you with more details about getting information about these.

You may wish to speak to an Adviser and can telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366 to do so. The advice line is open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m. Monday to Friday.

I hope you will find this information helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

[Hollz84]

Thank you for your response Suzie.

I am in a new area, and have informed them here that I am pregnant, they have requested that I call them when this is confirmed and have been seen by the midwife.

I do have contact with my chidlren my two eldest is supervised contact in a centre. My youngest I have contact in the community suppervised by the grandparents. (6 times a year for all). My eldest will remain in long term care.

I didn't react fast enough when I found out about the second partner (a registered sex offeneder of all things). Their main concern was my choice in partners and that I was not putting the children's safety first. I can i see why they have said it and I don't argue with it. It's a very fair statement for me at that point.

I hope this fills in a few blanks.

Holly

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Thank you Holly for clarifying things.

If the issues around sexual abuse come up at all, you could contact the The Lucy Faithful Foundation . They advise families about sexual abuse within families and the support that might be available.

Best wishes,
Suzie