will i get my baby back?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Honeybee,

After all the efforts (and progress) you have made, I am sorry to hear that children services have decided to pursue adoption as the plan for your daughter. However, the final decision will, as you know be made by the court.

From your posts it seems that you have done so much. However, how much you could have done has been limited by the very short timescale of 26 weeks of the court proceedings. The court time table can only be extended beyond 26 weeks if the judge thinks it is necessary to enable the court to deal with your case fairly. I don’t know whether you could argue for an extension to allow you to access the therapy you have been advised you need and complete the freedom programme and then be re assessed.

In your favour you have separated from dad; obtained support for yourself and you have fully engaged with all the assessments that have been offered.
Your contact with your daughter has been very positive; the social workers assessment seems mixed. (Can you address any of the negatives before the final hearing?) You said in a previous post that the psychological assessment was mixed.
You need to go through all the points that have been raised and address them with your solicitor-as you are doing in your post.

Your solicitor will be able to advise you of the best way forward. You still have some weeks to go before the court has time to consider your case.
She is correct to say that the judge will not just rubber stamp the social workers decision. The judge will want to see that the local authority has fully assessed all the options for your daughter.

These last few weeks could be crucial so keep doing everything that you have done to get this far. Keep working with your solicitor, children services and having contact with your daughter.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[honeybee1984]

hi Susie, found it.

my solicitor has said that their evidence isn't water tight, she believes that they should give me a chance and she believes that they should put my baby home on a care order, this way they still retain PR and there can be stipilations in place, she said this would run for a year, then if it's not discharged sooner then a supervision order would replace it. My question is would my solicitor have even mentioned my baby coming home on a care order if there was no chance the judge would accept this? surely this would be getting my hopes up? One of the biggest protective factors is that I am moving, otherwise she would said to the court to place an exclusion order on dad so he cant come near the flat. I then gave examples of other things that I have done/ can do whilst my daughter is home, sure start, continue with counselling, the freedom project, home start, the HV could come out once a week, I attend the HV clinic, snatchers come out announced and unannounced. My solicitor says they aren't exercising my babys human rights at all.
The snatchers have admitted there is no evidence to suggest I am seeing dad and she said that they aren't concerned about my day to day care of my daughter - the concern they have is dad and whether I will get back with him. I am annoyed because they said to me I stand a higher chance of getting my daughter home if I get rid of him - now they've decided I might get back with him, they seem to be moving the goalposts all the time, I think because they don't like it that I technically haven't failed and this is what they want.
I have court on Monday and this could be the decision making one, the court could decide that my daughter be made subject to a placement order, if so they will have a massive fight on their hands and its the snatchers first ever court case, she has never done one before but the court could agree with my solicitors pledge but I am not holding my breath.
My solicitor said to me a while ago that the judge will look at everything I have done and s/he would question why after all I have done are the snatchers still saying adoption........again would my solicitor have said this if it wasn't true, as this would be getting my hopes up too.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Honeybee1984,

Your solicitor will have access to all the statements and expert reports that have been filed with the court. She should be able to take you through the different possible outcomes and weigh up how the final hearing might go. Keep working with her and discuss your case with her today.

Good luck today.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[honeybee1984]

I am ending my life, the judge wouldn't even entertain my daughter coming home on the care order, she said that I didn't get it when he hurt my first child or my 2nd and it appears I only did these courses as a result of proceedings. she did praise me but basically said that she cannot take the risk and she didn't think that 26 weeks from now will be long enough to prove that I can keep my daughter safe. it would appear that dad goes off the scene then comes back once things are over I could've gone for a hearing but my solicitor said there was no point as the out come would be the same, I kept saying I want to fight it but in the end my solicitor wasn't prepared to put me through it as I was extremely tearful.
I hope those child snatchers are happy with themselves, I am not cut out to be a mother and my daughter is better off with out me, everyone is better off with out me, I should never have been born.
My solicitor reckons if he hadn't been her dad then there would've been a case to argue or if I had got rid back when I got pregnant. so all this get rid of him, you stand a higher chance at getting her back if you're not with him was a ploy, even when my solicitor suggested that my baby come home on a care order why on earth did she say it knowing there was no hope, why did my solicitor tell me if I was open and honest with the psychiatrist I stood a good chance at getting her back - when again clearly there was no hope, I just feel so let down by everybody, so distrustful of every professional on the land and I wonder why I lied at the start because I knew I would lose my baby if I told the truth.
I hate the snatchers with all my heart, I had so much planned for that little girl, now my contact is going to be reduced and by probably march she will no longer be a part of my life, I am going to go back to work and have all my colleagues asking how she is and I don't think I can face that.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Honeybee1984,

I am so sorry to hear about the outcome today. It must have been a shock when the judge made her views so clear.


Please think about calling the Samaritans on 116 123 as soon as you can. They will be able to provide immediate emotional support to you.



However, please remember how much progress you had made. Your solicitor outlined that for you. It was not a done deal.
That progress will continue to help you remain free of an abusive relationship. Carry on with the freedom programme.
Wait for the judge’s written judgement. Make an appointment with your solicitor to discuss the next steps.

Honeybee, I do not know in what area you are living. Can you private message me and I can see what other support might be available in your area?

Best wishes,

Suzie

[honeybee1984]

I knew this though but was hopeful, I just feel so let down by everyone. I thought the final hearing would be in March - this was the 26 week mark.
Why get my hopes up like this when it was clear from the off that I didn't stand a chance. why tell me if I am honest with the psychiatrist I stand a good chance of getting her back? why was everyone telling me I stand a higher chance of getting her back if I get rid of him - when clearly I stood no chance whether I got rid or not? why say I think they should give you a chance and they could manage this by putting her home on a care order so the retain their PR etc when again it was clear really I had no chance. Then the judge apparently said this was a sad case - how patronising.
I have little trust for anyone, especially professionals and is it any wonder really, they always let me down, get my hopes up. I don't trust anyone anymore.
I hate the midwife even more, she wasn't responsible for my care personally, so she shouldn't have interfered and the fact the red book was left outside too was wrong as patient notes/ books shouldn't be left unattended. Thanks to her I have lost everything, she has ruined everything, there really is no reason to live anymore.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

I'm so sorry honeybee.

I really hope that you are accessing some support for yourself at the moment.

There is a national helpline called Birth Ties for birth families affected by adoption. They may be able to offer you useful information and emotional support. Women's aid also have a national helpline and other support services.

Please do keep posting here back here too- we are here to support you as much as we can.

Take care of yourself.

Suzie

[honeybee1984]

hi suzie,

thanks for getting back to me.
I will be continuing with the freedom project and with the counselling and I will still be meeting up with my DV outreach worker.
saw my baby today, I am surprised I held it together I really am but even the contact supervisor was shocked as she was under the impression that it was just a directions hearing yesterday, not the full on over. I was told last week it may but probably didn't expect it to be honest. all I want is to be a mother a family but I do wish I had been honest from the start, all I keep saying though is if I had been I would've lost her even sooner as it is clear the snatchers are never going to let me raise my own children, no matter who is the baby's father. I can honestly say I never would've predicted/seen this when I was a little girl growing up, just wish I could turn back the clock and do things differently.

[My09876]

Hey I’ve very sorry to hear about the difficult time you had, I’m going through the same situation myself. Could I ask what was the outcome?

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear My09876

Welcome to the parents’ discussion board and thank you for your post. My name is Suzie. I am Family Rights Group’s online adviser.

I am sorry to hear about the difficulties that you are experiencing. I have sent you a message so please check your messages.

The previous poster has not posted for some time. However, there are many parents who support and advise each other on this forum so they may respond to your query too.

Best wishes

Suzie