Child going into foster care
Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2015 11:34 am
Hello,
I posted on another strand of the forum about the issues we are facing as a family. Basically, my children are being treated for mental health difficulties and during an admission to CAMHS as an inpatient, my eldest child (16) disclosed physical and emotional abuse by his father (my OH) and physical, sexual and emotional abuse by his 14 year old brother.
Despite the disclosures, my son was discharged back to the family, and I took time off work to try to manage the situation. It was unmanageable, particularly after the disclosures has been made explicit to my OH and younger son and my eldest son self harmed and needed treatment in the A and E department of the local hospital. Despite further disclosures to the consultant psychiatrist on call and a member of the CAMHS team who came to see him in hospital, my son was again discharged back to the home environment. I tried to manage the situation by offering my OH (who was extremely stressed and flying off the handle over anything) time out and emotional support and by trying to redirect my 14 year old's anger, but it was an impossible task. I received some excellent advice from Ange and Suzie on the other strand of the forum and the advice and comments justified my conviction that my son should not have been sent home after he made the disclosures.
In the end, my son has forced the issue to be taken more seriously. On Thursday he went to school (he attends a special school and commutes by taxi) but when the taxi appeared to take him home, he had a violent panic attack in which he threatened to harm himself and kill his father and brother if he were to go home. The panic attack lasted for two hours and the Head of his school arranged for my son to be taken to hospital with his two key workers (people he trusts and knows well). He was admitted to the children's ward and the consultant in charge has very forcefully advised Children's Social Care to arrange a foster placement. There is a CP strategy meeting on Wednesday to consider the disclosures
CSC contacted me on the ward where I am staying with my son and asked if there were any other options e.g. my OH leaving the family home etc. Unfortunately, there are no relatives with whom I could stay with my son; my OH could leave the family home and agreed to this, but my 14 year old son could not accompany him, added to that my 14 year old has threatened to kill my other son if he comes home due to the allegations my eldest son made against him.
So, I am considering a 28 day initial foster placement. Yet, instead of feeling relieved that finally my son is getting away from the toxic situation at home and taking the opportunity to work with my OH and younger son to sort things out, I feel an utter failure. I feel like I have lost my son and that my weakness as a mother has led to both boys suffering mental health problems, ruining their education and (ultimately) ending up in care. I have no doubt that my younger son will also end up in a foster placement because, through my ignorance, I allowed him to suffer the same emotional and physical abuse that his brother experienced. My younger son just reacted in a different way. I was not aware of the extent of the abuse until my son made the disclosures and the family were working with various agencies to help my OH cope (he has Asperger's syndrome)
Yet, I know, if I want to help my sons, I need to remain objective. What I would really like to do is to separate from my OH (maybe not a divorce) and create a safer place for my children, but I do not know how I can do this under the present circumstances.
Any advice would be really appreciated and I apologise for the length of the post.
I posted on another strand of the forum about the issues we are facing as a family. Basically, my children are being treated for mental health difficulties and during an admission to CAMHS as an inpatient, my eldest child (16) disclosed physical and emotional abuse by his father (my OH) and physical, sexual and emotional abuse by his 14 year old brother.
Despite the disclosures, my son was discharged back to the family, and I took time off work to try to manage the situation. It was unmanageable, particularly after the disclosures has been made explicit to my OH and younger son and my eldest son self harmed and needed treatment in the A and E department of the local hospital. Despite further disclosures to the consultant psychiatrist on call and a member of the CAMHS team who came to see him in hospital, my son was again discharged back to the home environment. I tried to manage the situation by offering my OH (who was extremely stressed and flying off the handle over anything) time out and emotional support and by trying to redirect my 14 year old's anger, but it was an impossible task. I received some excellent advice from Ange and Suzie on the other strand of the forum and the advice and comments justified my conviction that my son should not have been sent home after he made the disclosures.
In the end, my son has forced the issue to be taken more seriously. On Thursday he went to school (he attends a special school and commutes by taxi) but when the taxi appeared to take him home, he had a violent panic attack in which he threatened to harm himself and kill his father and brother if he were to go home. The panic attack lasted for two hours and the Head of his school arranged for my son to be taken to hospital with his two key workers (people he trusts and knows well). He was admitted to the children's ward and the consultant in charge has very forcefully advised Children's Social Care to arrange a foster placement. There is a CP strategy meeting on Wednesday to consider the disclosures
CSC contacted me on the ward where I am staying with my son and asked if there were any other options e.g. my OH leaving the family home etc. Unfortunately, there are no relatives with whom I could stay with my son; my OH could leave the family home and agreed to this, but my 14 year old son could not accompany him, added to that my 14 year old has threatened to kill my other son if he comes home due to the allegations my eldest son made against him.
So, I am considering a 28 day initial foster placement. Yet, instead of feeling relieved that finally my son is getting away from the toxic situation at home and taking the opportunity to work with my OH and younger son to sort things out, I feel an utter failure. I feel like I have lost my son and that my weakness as a mother has led to both boys suffering mental health problems, ruining their education and (ultimately) ending up in care. I have no doubt that my younger son will also end up in a foster placement because, through my ignorance, I allowed him to suffer the same emotional and physical abuse that his brother experienced. My younger son just reacted in a different way. I was not aware of the extent of the abuse until my son made the disclosures and the family were working with various agencies to help my OH cope (he has Asperger's syndrome)
Yet, I know, if I want to help my sons, I need to remain objective. What I would really like to do is to separate from my OH (maybe not a divorce) and create a safer place for my children, but I do not know how I can do this under the present circumstances.
Any advice would be really appreciated and I apologise for the length of the post.