feeling useless and cant find help

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: feeling useless and cant find help

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Aug 28, 2015 10:33 am

Dear Scaredmother

I am sorry that contact with your son appears to have come to a standstill. Hopefully you had a helpful meeting with your solicitor.
Please feel free to post back if you have a further query at this stage.

Best Wishes

Suzie

scared mother
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2015 2:18 pm

Re: feeling useless and cant find help

Post by scared mother » Sat Aug 29, 2015 10:24 am

When I went to see my solicitor I found out that the carers were not allowed to change doctors without my permission and I was supposed to be told what nursery the younger two are going to.
The SW and carers are withholding information about the children when I am supposed to be told everything.
To summarise they are not keeping me up to date with things.
They are making decisions about the children behind my back and without permission.
They are saying horrible things about me to/around the children.
It looks like they are turning my children against me.
The carers are not only looking after my children but another baby as well and their three grandchildren go to theirs everyday.
My mum has been ruled out to have the children for telling the truth about the SW so they are saying my mum will not work with the LA although she will.
My youngest 's father has told a lot of lies about me just to try and get custody of her.
Even though contact was going really well and the children enjoyed spending time with me the older two have said they don't want to see me anymore.
I don't know whether the carers have put lies in their heads about the baby or its just getting too much for them but I cant cope with not seeing my children.
I haven't seen my daughter in a week and its worrying me to think of what the carers have said to them all.
I have never even met the lady looking after them although I have requested to meet her she has refused.
I have only met her husband twice and not been allowed to talk to him.
My children have turned up to contact with all kinds of bruising and even being dirty (it took three baby wipes to clean my daughter's right arm, which i have kept for evidence.)
The SW just ignores my concerns saying I'm being over dramatic and complaining for the sake of it although I am genuinely worried they are harming my children both emotionally and physically.
How do I make it stop?
Can I order them to change carers?
My solicitor has told me if I change carers they will see it as me not working with the LA but I just want my children to be somewhere safe.
The more I find out the more I am worrying about whether my children are actually safe around these people.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 4207
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: feeling useless and cant find help

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Tue Sep 01, 2015 3:03 pm

Dear scared mother

Thank you for your further post. I see that you have had a meeting with your solicitor who has advised you about the current situation with your children.

You have indicated that your child’s doctor was changed and the daughter’s nursery information was not given to you. I do not think it is the carers who are at fault her since they are acting as foster carers it would be for Children Services to provide you with information. As you are aware, if the children are only in foster care under s.20 then, Children Services do not share parental responsibility and should be involving you in decisions about your children.

A copy of our advice sheet relating to the duties Children Services have when a child is in the care system was sent to you in a previous post but I am re-sending it here as you may not have read it yet.

As you are having difficulties with contact a copy of our advice sheet relating to contact where a child is accommodated is included here for your information.

I would suggest that you concentrate and working through the concerns that Children Services have which led to the children being removed as this is the best way to ensure that they can be satisfied that you have made the necessary changes to look after your children yourself. It will not help you to worry about what the carers might be saying as if you are worried and upset this will come through to the children and might make contact difficult or stressful for them.

The foster carer does not have to meet you and it is not normally the case that this happens. I do not think it is something you should worry about although it would be nice to meet the person looking after your children.

You say in your post that your mother was ruled out as a carer for your children. Did this happen after a proper assessment was carried out by Children Services? If your mother disagrees with the assessment then she could challenge the decision to rule her out. It would be wrong for her to be ruled out simply because of what she said about a social worker. However, she must be willing to work with and cooperate with Children Services even if this might mean that she disagrees with you on some things.

It is not clear from your recent post why you think your children are being harmed physically by the carers. You seem to believe that the carers are saying things to your children which are inappropriate and if this is the case it is absolutely wrong. However, as I have advised about it would be better for you to concentrate more on getting yourself to the point where Children Services will be able to say that their concerns have been lessened or removed. It will be upsetting and impact on the children's emotional wellbeing if they feel torn between their current placement and contact. The children need to know that you are comfortable with the placement because you being upset and emotional is unlikely to help their situation.

Please speak to the Independent Reviewing Officer about your concerns so her or she can make an informed decision and consider the children’s care at the foster placement.

Regarding your question as to whether you can order a change of carers. The answer is no. However, if you have a family member or friend whom you trust, you can ask Children Service to consider them as alternative carers. They would have to be positively assessed. Children Services, could however, take the view that it is not in the children’s interests to be moved.

I cannot emphasise enough how important it is that you try not to worry and to work with Children Services. If you are seen to be complaining all the time then Children Services could decide that you do not fully understand their concerns and there it is not safe for the children to return to you. You must try to balance your concerns with the steps to have to take to show that you have insight and understand the concerns about your care of the children. You can discuss the situation with your solicitor and ask for your concerns to be put to the Guardian as well.

Finally, your solicitor has all the information relating to your case and you should listen to and work with your solicitor so that the best case can be put forward on your behalf.

If you wish to speak to an Adviser, feel free to telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m.
I hope you find this information helpful.

Best wishes

Suzie

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