feeling useless and cant find help

[scared mother]

Thank you Suzie
My daughter said in contact that she doesn't want to come home because her carer said I dress her up as a boy for school but she picks all her own clothes for school and has never picked dresses out but I have reassured her if she wants to wear a dress in school she can providing its warm enough and she then gave me a big hug and told me she loves me
Your advice has been amazing thank you so much I will let you know how the first day of court goes

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hi scared mother,

I am so glad that you found our advice helpful. Good luck with the court proceedings.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[scared mother]

Hello there went to court yesterday and all seems to go well the LA had a good telling off for not sorting the proceedings earlier and leaving the children confused and for the sloppy statement they presented the courts with the judge seems to be on my side as he says the LA are emotionally abusing them more then the home conditions ever did.
I was asked to sign a contact agreement, which I have refused until I can speak to my solicitor as I definitely do not agree with some of the things they expect me to do as they are telling me what foods I can give my children and also my mum comes with me to contact as the children saw her every day before they were taken but the LA are telling me she can only go once a month but I have SPD due to my pregnancy so my mobility is limited so I need my mum to help me when my legs get bad I have stated my mum is to go to contact with me once a week or if my mobility worsens whenever i need her my solicitor is helping me sort this out.
The court at the moment do not see a need for a care order and we are due back un court on September 3rd

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Scaredmother

I am glad the first hearing was a positive outcome for you. Please feel free to post back with news of any updates or queries you may have.

Best Wishes

Suzie

[scared mother]

Finally the contact workers have heard my children repeating things the carers have said about me so now maybe something might get done about it. Its so heartbreaking hearing my children say things that are both very mean and uncalled for as the carers have no idea what I do/did with the children.
I spoke to my solicitor about the cleanliness of my children as it took three baby wipes to clean my daughters arm but he said any concerns I have are to be raised with the social worker who I have been trying to contact since Monday and has not bothered to get in touch.
Don't know what to do and I'm very worried.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear scared mother

Thank you for your further post. It must be awful for you to hear your children say mean things to and about you.

In your post you say that the contact worker actually heard what was being said by the children. This being so, the children’s comments should be recorded in the contact notes, and this will show that you are not making it up when you complain about things to the social worker. Alternatively, you can make contact with the Independent Reviewing Officer (IRO), as suggested to you in a previous post.

Since your solicitor has suggested that you raise your concerns about your children’s cleanliness to the social worker, you should do so. I suggest that you put it in writing and ask what action is going to be taken by Children Services. However, if you do not feel you want to do this without your solicitor’s support, there is no reason why you cannot ask your solicitor to send a letter to the local authority about your concerns.

I have included a copy of our advice sheet about the duties Children Services have when a child is in the care system for your information.

If the social worker or IRO does not investigate the issues you raise with them, your solicitor will probably see this as evidence of Children Services not working with you and they could be cross examined about it at court.

I hope you will find the information helpful but should you wish to speak to an Adviser, please do telephone our advice line on 0808 801 0366. The advice line is open Monday to Friday from 9.30 a.m. to 3.00 p.m.

Best wishes,

Suzie

[scared mother]

I have been trying to contact the SW since last Monday.
I also had a text message from the children's doctors surgery confirming an appointment that has been made. It does not state who or what it is for and I have not been notified before hand about the children needing a doctor.
The SW contacted me this morning and told me it is not up to her to investigate any of my concerns as the carers have their own SW.
She did say she would let her know of my concerns and ask about the doctors appointment and let me know what ids going on later today but as of yet I have received no calls from her since.
She is also not sticking to the courts orders on dates when things should be done by as she is supposed to be doing a viability check on my mother and cousin by 28th August but is not going to see my cousin until 1st September.
Also I have now been told that my youngest daughters dad is filing for custody. My solicitor has reassured me he will not get custody as the courts will not want to split the children up.
I am worried though because if he does get custody of her he will not let me see her.
The SW has also lied to my cousin saying she is the only person I have put forward to having the children if I cannot have them back but I have put my mother forward as well. She also told her that it would be a definite and permanent and that my unborn child will be taken as well but in court they said the unborn child will remain with me so they can see how I cope and that I will be put into an assessment unit with all children so they can assess me and that if the children are not returned home I have a right to appeal or in a few years I can fight for custody.
I have told the court ideally I would like them home but for now I just want them safe and cared for properly.

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Dear Scared mother

I can see that you continue to work closely with the professional network.

In the meantime, you should keep a dated log of any concerns, attempts to address these as well as the outcome when you brought the issues to the attention of Children's Services and the IRO. You can then raise them in the next Looked After Review Meeting, as appropriate.

Furthermore, it is recommended you work closely with your solicitor so that you can plan the best way forward together.

I hope this helps.

Best Wishes


Suzie

[scared mother]

I'm really scared as my eldest is now refusing to come see me and I think it is because of the carers as when she does see me she tells me what they have been saying behind my back and then gets shouted at when the contact workers confront them about it I don't know what to do I have tried talking to the guardian, SW and solicitor but no one will help its eating me up inside and I feel so useless and hopeless I feel like I'm going to loose her forever even though when she was coming to see me she was excited and happy to be with me my other two children still come to see me and enjoy the time we have together. I just want to be able to hold all three of them and tell them how much I love them and how much I enjoy spending time with them please help I feel so lost and alone.

[scared mother]

Today in contact my son said he doesn't want to come anymore even the contact worker said she doesn't understand she can see how much all three of them love me and how much I love them the carers have got to be forcing them some how I'm petrified the carers are going to force me to loose my children for good and I don't know what to do I see my solicitor tomorrow so hopefully we will be able to find out what is going on and hopefully get them moved away from these horrible people I feel like my whole world os falling apart and i cant do anything to stop it