feeling useless and cant find help

scared mother
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2015 2:18 pm

feeling useless and cant find help

Postby scared mother » Sat Jun 20, 2015 10:07 am

Hi there I hope someone can help my 3 beautiful children have been taken into care I am currently pregnant with my 4th but I'm not allowed to tell my children anything about the baby they get emotional when they see me as do I but don't let it show for their sake my eldest has been told they have to see me less due to her emotions which I don't understand and I'm not being told anything by sw about accidents or anything I'm scared for my children and don't know what to do I have panic attacks daily worrying about them and what will happen I have been rushed to hospital because of this and the only thing that helps is seeing my children I signed a s20 but feel they are taking my parental rights away bit by bit I cant speak to my sw about anything because he is never in the office and don't have a work mobile I cant seem to find a solicitor who is willing to help with legal aid and I'm getting more and more poorly because of this I am doing everything I can to get my children back but the sw don't even come to see me anymore he says he has found out something about my partners past but wont tell him what it is even though he does not have a criminal record or anything and I feel like the sw is saying and doing anything he can to keep the children away from me I cant sleep I'm not eating well and I'm mentally drained from it all the children want to come home they tell me everytime I see them they want to come home and be left alone if someone can help even in the slightest I would be very grateful

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1957
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: feeling useless and cant find help

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Tue Jun 23, 2015 5:11 pm

Dear Scared Mother
Welcome to the parents forum.

I am sorry to hear that your 3 children are currently in foster care at the moment.

You say that they are there with your agreement (section 20 accommodation). You are having contact with them but the social worker is not consulting you or letting you know about their care plan.

As Mum you have the legal parental responsibility to make decisions about your children. So you need to know about their lives.

I suggest that you contact the independent reviewing officer . That person is responsible for your children’s care plan while they remain in care.

Explain that the social worker does not always let you know what is happening with your children. Also ask for a copy of your children’s careplan.

I am sorry that you are having panic attacks. This must be very distressing for you. Are you getting the help and support you need to treat these? You should speak to your midwife or GP about what might be available locally to you.

Please post back if you have any questions

Suzie

scared mother
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2015 2:18 pm

Re: feeling useless and cant find help

Postby scared mother » Sat Jul 04, 2015 5:49 pm

Hi, my SW has now left after all the things he has put me through he told me April that we would have a court date within 30 days, we have now got a solicitor and they have confirmed it is going to court but they are not in any rush to start proceedings in the meantime I'm not allowed to do or say pretty much anything with my children my SW knew about an outing I wanted to take the kids on since may 20th but was refused two days ago as he had not mentioned anything to his manager and has put something in my record that has stopped them from letting me. My eldest asked if she was having a baby brother or sister and I was denied chance to tell her its a brother. My mum has been allowed several times to take my nephew to contact as she looks after him some weekends while my sister works, my SW had agreed with us that he can go as he is only 2 years old but we need to let the centre know beforehand we did this as usual this week and was told they would ring us back, this morning my mum rang them as she had received no calls and they said they had nothing on there systems to say he had ever been so we could not take him. No one is telling me anything about the children and I am noticing they are not having nails cut or being taken to doctors when they are poorly I also have no idea if they have taken my son for his preschool imms. I have never been allowed to talk to the carers I have met the man once but was pulled away by the SW before having chance to talk to him and have never met the lady. How do I get them to start talking to me as the Children's mother?

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1957
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: feeling useless and cant find help

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jul 06, 2015 12:18 pm

Dear scared mother,

Thank you for posting back.

I am glad that you have a solicitor to help you deal with children services.

I think you should explain to your solicitor your worries about the foster carer and the difficulties there have been with the contact arrangements. Its not fair to your family that the records are not correct. Put your concerns in writing.

When children are accommodated, the social worker should be promoting contact unless it is not in your children's welfare. Your solicitor could let them know your concerns.

Or you could raise theses issues directly with the independent reviewing officer-the person who should manage your children’s' care plans. Have you got a copy of the plan?

However, it is really important to remember that you are under the microscope at the moment.
Do not lose sight as to why children services are taking proceedings.

Once care proceedings have started, they will be over very quickly-usually26 weeks. See our advice sheet about careproceedings.
 
At the end of the proceedings, your children will either be:

1)returned to you or dad,

2) or if you are not able to safely parent, then children services should have assessed family or friends to look after your children until they are 18 years old. Do you have anyone in your network who could be assessed? If so, please give their details to the social worker. Or ask for a family group conference-which can help find friends or family to look after your children ?

3)If there is no suitable family or friend available to care for your children long term, then children services will consider foster care.

4) As a last resort, if nothing else will do, then adoption will be considered.

Do you know why proceedings are being taken? What are they worried about? If you know the reasons, you might be able to get the support to help you address the worries.

Children services would need to prove to the court that the “threshold criteria” has been met-ie that they have reasonable cause to believe that your children have suffered significant harm or are at future risk of suffering significant harm due to your parenting or because your children are beyond your control.

What are their worries?

Do you know why children services are saying you can't provide “good enough parenting”? If so, can you take steps to make your parenting better?
If you find it difficult to look after your children because of a health condition-can you get treatment or support to help with that?
You mentioned your partner being known to the police. Is he considered to be dangerous to your children?

Find out exactly what the problem is? Ask him to agree to any information the police have about him being given to you.

For example, has he been abusive or violent to you or a past partner?

If so, he is likely to be a danger to children who might witness the abuse of you (they will suffer emotional abuse) or they could suffer physical abuse by being caught in the crossfire. See our information about domestic violence
  domestic violence and why it causes long term harm to children.
or id this is not the reason, find out what is.

So I can give more helpful advice, or for other parents to support you, you could post back explaining what you know about your situation.

Best wishes,

Suzie

scared mother
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2015 2:18 pm

Re: feeling useless and cant find help

Postby scared mother » Thu Jul 09, 2015 1:02 am

The home conditions were not suitable as I was suffering from depression due to the loss of my dad. As the year passed I was getting even lower despite being on the highest anti depressants as the SW was not letting me grieve for my dad, which I am now in counselling for. I had NO suicidal thoughts as I have the children to live for. I was starting to get through my depression with the help of my partner and was starting to get on top of things. My partner has NO criminal record and is not known to the police. My partner would never hurt me or the children in anyway. He doesn't even raise his voice, if he has a problem he calmly talks to me so we can work on it together. My solicitor is concerned that the children have been in foster care for3 months and children's services are not sorting anything out for legal proceedings or letting them home. I have put our names down for a parenting course but unfortunately it doesn't start until september, I have done cooking courses and other courses including how to set routines for myself as the children were in a healthy routine and I have also found new ways to lift me up when I'm having a bad day such as an uplifting song or looking at pictures just little things that help. We DO NOT take drugs or drink at all, nothing like that is allowed in my house under any circumstance and we are getting help with stopping smoking. My solicitor says we are doing everything we can and more to prove ourselves but the SW has not seen any of it due to not communicating with us as they should. I have a LAC meeting tomorrow so hopefully my views will be heard and finally something may start happening soon.

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1957
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: feeling useless and cant find help

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Mon Jul 20, 2015 12:00 pm

Dear scared mother,

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your father. I can see that you are doing everything you can to alleviate and treat your depression and that this is working. I am glad that you have a solicitor helping you navigate through children services processes as well.

How was the LAC meeting? Did the independent reviewing officer hear your views?

Best wishes,

Suzie

scared mother
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2015 2:18 pm

Re: feeling useless and cant find help

Postby scared mother » Fri Jul 24, 2015 2:59 pm

Hi the LAC didn't go well at all the SW before he left told me the wrong time he told me to be there at 10 but its started at half 9 so the IRO didn't listen to anything I had to say we have had a load of paperwork that the SW has sent to the court but its all lies and in the statements the SS and HV have contradicted themselves quite abit
Yesterday in contact my mum took my son to the toilet as I was changing my daughter's bum and he got really upset sayin nanny Nicole (carer) had told him he will never do a wee or poo in mummy's house.
A week before my eldest daughter told me they were not allowed to eat the sweets and things I was sending back with them as the carer said I'm giving them too much crap. The contact worker spoke to the carer and my daughter got shouted at and sent to bed for lying. My son has also started hitting and kicking.

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1957
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: feeling useless and cant find help

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jul 24, 2015 4:04 pm

Dear Scaredmother

Can I suggest you discuss the fact you were unable to fully participate in the Looked After Review meeting and concerns about contact with your solicitor.

From the information you have posted, it appears that Local Authority have issued an application with the Family Court so that you should receive a date for the first hearing in due course.

Once again, it is essential that you work closely with your legal team in planning a way forward at this time.

Best Wishes

Suzie

scared mother
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Jun 15, 2015 2:18 pm

Re: feeling useless and cant find help

Postby scared mother » Wed Jul 29, 2015 12:42 pm

I have notified my solicitor about everything and he said he will pull it all up in court he says it sounds like they are trying to keep me away from the meetings.
In contact yesterday as we were saying goodbye my son wanted family cuddles but my eldest kept saying she couldn't join in as she is not apart of the family anymore I quickly reassured her she will always be apart of the family but it took a while to convince her. When she finally realised that she is and always will be part of the family she got really upset saying she doesn't want me to go.
It feels like the carers are putting these ideas in their heads and I don't know what to do about it.
I have a court date on August 5th.
We had the children's guardian out last week and he said he don't see any need for a care order. He was with us for four hours. I just want the children home this has gone on long enough and its not fair on the children or me.

User avatar
Suzie, FRG Adviser
Posts: 1957
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: feeling useless and cant find help

Postby Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Jul 31, 2015 11:10 am

Dear Scaredmother

Without wishing to sound too optimistic, you may have some important factors on your side as the court date approaches.

Firstly, in your post you provided a very clear example of your ability to prioritise your child's emotional needs during contact. You responded appropriately to their distress, and did not use it as an opportunity to express your own frustrations about the forthcoming care proceedings. Hopefully, the contact supervisor records will reflect this.

Secondly, it is important not to underestimate the views of the children's guardian who appears supportive of your parenting capacity at this stage.
Obviously, they have a very influential role to play and their views can change, but the early signs are encouraging.

Thirdly, your solicitor has indicated there may be evidence to suggest you are being deliberately excluded from key aspects of the Local Authority decision making process. In this instance, the social worker could be cross examined and asked to give evidence on this as part of the court process.

In the meantime, please continue to cooperate with any assessments and continue to ensure the children's contact is the best quality it can be.

I hope this helps.

Best Wishes

Suzie


Return to “Do you have a child in care?”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests