To visit him in jail or risky?

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Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2015 10:17 pm

To visit him in jail or risky?

Post by Mummy2sophia » Thu Feb 26, 2015 11:50 pm

Hi there,

I just wanted to ask some advice in regards to social services and how they work. When i had my daughter her father threatened me and i called the police this then turned into social services intervening and carrying out assessments etc.. His record was then checked.. this showed he had a violent past which i was not aware of everything until his mother informed me.. anyway social services where worried and put my child on a child in need plan they would of opted for a child protection plan but my daughter was clearly safe as she lives with me in my family home with my mum and dad and brothers so they stuck to a child in need plan. I was made to sign a contract which agrees Dad will not have contact with my daughter unless this is decided by the courts, which they said they would not of been able to do if he was on the birth certificate. My daughter still has close contact with his family (his sister and mother and father)Anyway social services closed the case in January as my daughter is very clearly safe. Dad has not seen my daughter since she was about 3 weeks old. I did not put dad on the birth certificate due to being worried about his past and we have not been in a relationship or spoken until today when i received a phone call.. from prison asking me to visit as he has found out he is suffering with a mental illness.. I realise this may be a manipulation tactic but i am not a silly girl and will not be re-kindling any relationship with him as i know what he is like.. I just want him to get some help so one day my daughter can have contact when he is better i care about her not myself. he has asked me to visit well begged me actually and he sounded suicidal.. Now i know this man is violent and needs help and once upon a time we had a relationship and he is the father to my child i have a heart and i just dont know if i should visit him or not? Of course i would not be taking my little one up there as i would not want her in the kind of environment but should i go to see what he has to say? Will social services become involved if they think i am visiting him in jail? The contract that i signed says nothing in regards to us having contact only in regards to my daughter and the case is now closed? But will they be concerned that he has re offended and i have visited him or more to the point can they find out if our case closed in january?

Also in regards to the contract i did sign 9 months ago.. does it still remain a contract if the case is closed? will he ever be allowed to see her supervised even? Im just so confused..

Many thanks

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Joined: Mon Mar 12, 2012 10:48 am

Re: To visit him in jail or risky?

Post by Murray72 » Fri Feb 27, 2015 5:28 pm

If you have signed an agreement with CS then I would not visit this man in prison. This will raise all kinds of concerns regarding your relationship with him once he is released. I would also avoid any contact with him as the prison will have a duty if asked by CS to share information with them. They will obviously have a record of any visiting orders and the people he has named on them. Depending on the nature of his crime they may even have a record of who he has written to or called.

I would avoid at all costs to be honest and I can understand that you may have ideals regarding your daughter's relationship with her father but the reality is if CS have already become involved they won't think twice about doing so again. They would want any contact to be supervised etc and I can only guess that if the case was only closed in January and he is contacting you within a month of this he probably thinks he can pull the wool over the eyes of CS.

The reality of your situation is CS will not support your relationship with this man, and if you have any contact with him you are risking the future of your Daughter.

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Re: To visit him in jail or risky?

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Wed Mar 04, 2015 1:44 pm

Dear Mummy2sophia

Welcome to Family Rights Group Parents’ Discussion Board.

My name is Suzie and I am an Adviser at Family Rights Group.

It appears from your post that you have a dilemma regarding your daughter’s father and whether you should visit him in prison or not. You were in a relationship with him and, as you say, have a heart so it seems that you have sorry worry about how he is at the moment following his telephone call.

Despite your concern about the daughter’s father, she should be your priority at the moment. You are in touch with his mother and sister so you should ask them to explain to him that whilst you are sorry for his situation you are not able to visit him in prison. However, if you do want to visit him it would be better if you spoke to Children Services about your plans rather than hoping that they will not find out. You can explain why you want to visit and whether it will be just the one visit.

In your post you state that it might be manipulation, you did not put him on your daughter’s birth certificate because of his past, I suggest you think about why you want to visit him in prison.

The fact that the case was closed by Children Services in January does not mean they will not become involved. It is likely that they closed the case because you signed an agreement that he would not have contact unless it is decided by the courts. If he wants to see his daughter, or have indirect contact by (letters and cards) he can make an application to the court for a Child Arrangement Order as suggested by Children Services. It will be concerning to Children Services that you want to visit him if your relationship is at an end.

It is almost certain that Children Services will become involved again if you re-establish contact with your daughter’s father and if you try to keep it secret from them, this will make your situation worse. He can contact Children Services himself to ask for contact to be arranged. They may help or suggest that he goes to court. He is not on your daughter’s birth certificate so he does not share parental responsibility with you. If he wanted to he can apply to the court for an order to obtain parental responsibility. It is for him to take action not try to put you in a difficult position.

Murray72 has given you very good advice and I think you should consider your decision very carefully. It could be that your daughter’s father sees you visiting as a way back in to your life and if he can get you to visit him, the Children Services may see it that way as well and wonder whether you are putting your daughter’s needs before your own. You visiting him could also raise concerns about your ability to protect your daughter, although your family may been as a protecting factor at the moment, Children Services may take a different view.

The agreement you signed with Children Services is not legally binding as it is not a court order, but there is an expectation on their part that you will keep to the agreement whether they are directly involved or not.

Whether or not your daughter will see her father is, to a large extent, dependent on him and his behaviour. It is always open to him to make an application to the court for contact. The likelihood is that contact would begin as supervised and, depending on the circumstances become unsupervised or not. You should understand that contact is for the benefit of the child and a court will only make an order for contact if it is in the child’s best interests. The child’s welfare is the court’s main consideration.

I think you may benefit from having advice and support from a domestic violence service. This will assist you to deal with your feelings and how to cope with your ex partner’s demands. I have included a link here to Women’s Aid and Rights of Women

I hope you will find this information helpful.

Best wishes,


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