We Need Advice :-( Please Help

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Joined: Thu Oct 16, 2014 12:30 pm

We Need Advice :-( Please Help

Post by stressfreesoul » Thu Oct 16, 2014 1:25 pm

My partner and I are in a situation that is breaking us.
I have recently gone through years of hell, involving court cases for my daughter.
Originally it began with my daughter (referred to as 'C' for now) arriving for her weekend at mine in a neglected state. This worsened as the weeks progressed until I had to take her to hospital. They called SS, whom arrived soon after to assess the situation.
C had nappy rash stretching from her knees to the middle of her back and various unexplained bruises over her body.
Following the revelation that she had been neglected under her mothers care, C was placed with me on a more permanent basis, her mother ('E') getting supervised contact.
Over the period of the following six months, SS gradually turned their back on me, giving E more and more contact until eventually primary care was returned to her.
I have no explanation for this. I provided the best safety and care for my daughter.
I jumped through hoops that didn't need to be jumped through.
Yet they only afforded me limited contact following all this.
Understandably this angered me at first, though I quickly regained composure and moved on to focus on the situation as it had evolved.
Some time passed, in which speaking terms were established with E, C had settled into life and contact was routine.
Then one day I go to collect C from school, I was there informed by her teachers evidence of sexual abuse had come to light.
No doubt SS were quickly involved again.
I got very little information once C was subject to the care order and unfortunately this, plus the realisation I had failed my daughter in the most horrible way, I broke mentally and needed hospitalisation.
I spent three weeks in the local psychiatric hospital under watch for SI and to have my exact mental health issues assessed and diagnosed.
Following release SS land on my doorstep and speak to me for five minutes, which I later learn was a parenting assessment.
In this 'assessment' I mentioned that for SS to remove my daughter from me, with no valid reason ( I have always been the one to care for C, there have never been issues of care, neglect or harm in my presence), is akin to removing my heart and carrying it away as I watch, unable to intervene. I told them she is my reason for existing, my reason to get up in the morning with a huge smile and a plan for the day.


Now forgive me if I'm incorrect, but thats not a very nice nor correct thing to be told by a SW?
I digress, the year following this I visited court many times, more to prevent E from dragging me in to a pool of perpetrators I was never in (last abuse occurred within a few days of discovery, I had no contact for three weeks prior due to illness) and to ensure SS knew that no signs had ever been shown that C was being abused.
I dont know how best to describe the aforementioned but from my own perspective.
I have been singled out because of my mental health, despite plenty of evidence that C is safe in my care.
Now this discrimination is continuing, I am in a new relationship with a woman I love dearly. She is the Yang to my Ying and much more.
My partner has three children. Two girls one boy.
Her ex-partner is a jealous and controlling man, who psychologically, emotionally and physically abused 'N' (my partner) for over ten years.
This ex-partner is very jealous of me because he knows his children are perfectly happy to cohabit with me and my partner, much happier (IMHO) than they were and because N is now much more at ease with herself and life.
On learning of my court case and particular information regarding it, 'D' (the ex-partner) made an anonymous referral to SS and had them removed.
Ever since their removal, he has indoctrinated them with lies about me and their mum, to turn their opinion against us so that when SS (allegedly) asked the children where they would like to reside they would say with him.
I am of no risk to anyone, not even myself anymore ( I have had suicidal ideation in the past, some years before C was born and also when I needed hospitalisation). Not only that, but I am not the childrens primary carer, N is. N will also be registered as my carer shortly with my PIP claim, so how does SS have the right to refuse their return? Its obvious that 1) I am being discriminated against because of my illness and 2) SS are yet again not assessing ANYTHING properly.
We are at our wits end.
N has been in tears all day thus far and my anxiety has sky-rocketed.
We are lost in a sea of red tape that prevents us from ever being happy because of other peoples mistakes.
In addition, my partner and I are expecting a baby, 16 weeks in, SS are threatening assessment for this baby too at 20 weeks. N does not need this stress they are piling on us. Neither do I for that matter.

To clarify, we have no support. N and I have ONE FRIEND BETWEEN US. Neither of us has any support from parents, I dont have any contact with mine and my partners are bordering on psychotic, unsavoury and fraught with delusion that I am brainwashing their daughter (apparently her being happy is signs of brainwashing).

We need advice, please help us :-(

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: We Need Advice :-( Please Help

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Oct 17, 2014 11:30 am

Dear Stressfreesoul

Welcome to the parent's discussion board. My name is Suzie, one of FRG's online advisers.

I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time with Children's Services, both in relation to the older children and your unborn child.

Can I suggest you continue to fully cooperate with Children's Services. It may also be helpful to refer to the advice sheets on our website at http://www.frg.org.uk/need-help-or-advice/advice-sheets.

Due to the complex nature of your situation, (and if you have not done so already), I strongly recommend you seek legal advice from a children's panel solicitor (one who is a specialist in child care law) on http://www.lawsociety.org.uk/for-the-pu ... solicitor/ without further delay.

Best Wishes


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Joined: Thu Oct 16, 2014 12:30 pm

Re: We Need Advice :-( Please Help

Post by stressfreesoul » Mon Feb 09, 2015 4:24 pm

Through the stress, we forgot about this posting here....
To update on our situation seems the right thing to do.

My partners children now live with their father, my partner only gets to see them an average of once a week.
This arrangement was decided between social services, the ex-partner and the children.
I am allowed no contact with them due to the manipulation of the ex-partner.
We are about two months from the due date of our child now and have SS breathing down our neck over risk assessments etc.
Financially we aren't as bad as we were, I now receive PIP payments and a higher rate of ESA, which covers some bases, but not all.

We are trying to take things one at a time, each day as it comes. Its not easy

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Suzie, FRG Adviser
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Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 2:57 pm

Re: We Need Advice :-( Please Help

Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Fri Feb 20, 2015 12:46 pm

Dear stressfreesoul

I am sorry to hear that things continue to be stressful for you and your partner as you approach the midway point of the pregnancy.

Can I strongly advise you to continue to engage with any pre-birth assessments that are being conducted.

Whilst I can fully appreciate you are finding the continued involvement demanding, it will be important to try to establish your own formal and informal support (friends, neighbours) network, so that you can be confident any supportive services can be put in place in advance of the baby's birth.

Are you still in contact with the community based mental health services, or have there been any recommendations for your GP to monitor your mental health if you should need this, both now and in the future.

These will all be essential factors as to what, if any action Children's Services decide to take, and if they decide to offer family support for you and your family, particularly in the early stages after your child has been born.

Following their assessment, they could of course decide all of the necessary support is in place. From their point of view, based on the referrals they may have received (as mentioned in your thread), your main aim is to satisfy the Local Authority you will both be able to cope with the day to demands of a new baby, as well as engage in any recommended support if required.

I hope this helps.

Best Wishes


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