Very confused?

[princess27]

I'm due in court very soon and my partner who I have children to is getting a residence order but we are living together so I'm not contesting this.
My ex partner who I have a daughter to is trying to gain a residence order for her which the liklyhood is he will be granted this !!!
I've had problems with my eldest two children from a previous partner who I broke up with 5 years ago and I'm unable to manage there behaviour and it's vastly deteriorating whilst in care my parents want to look after them but failed on an assesment during the initial first appointment by saying I'm "a good mum" they only said this as my children were always clean and fed and lived in a clean home, my son has been saying inappropriate things and that led to the removal earlier this year, I did miss appointments due to my midwife appointments being in and around the same time looking back now I should have put there needs before my own but ultimately I would have neglected my unborn so I can't win, after meeting the boys needs for several months by going to appointments and not rearranging them everything was going fine until my son said a bad word of a sexual phris and ss came out and removed all children.

Where do I stand with my daughter who is living with her dad my ex under a temp res order? I've been visiting her for 16 weeks now at a contact centre and I may have been leaniant with her at the beginning because I missed her and I didn't notice "bad behavior" because I missed her so much, but I've been disciplining her appropriately no shouting (shouting and smacking have never been an issue as I've never abused my children) but her wants to persist with contact at a center longer? I just want my daughter at home even a joint residence but is this realy going to go in court? My son has said I've hurt him in the past not true at all I'm still figuring bout why he even said these things but the ss and guardian think I have physical abused my children, I admit I did in the past rearrange appointments and its wrong also but my father took the children apps if I couldn't take them now I'm not meeting there health needs, but I can't just give up on my daughter can I? I want to see her at home but she called my two other daughters daddy at the end of a contact we both had and my ex instantly stopped contact with my partner being at future contacts because he said she's "confused " she knows my partner is not her father but her hearing me say daddy a lot to my younger daughter she was bound to pick it up, but this was the first contact my daughter and my partner had so maybe my ex planned this to stop as my partners assessments were based on contact with my daughter which means they couldn't assess him!
Before all of this happened my partner was living with me for two years and my ex was the one having contact now he is the one who has more parental responsability he is pulling this in his own way and twisting things to Benifit him, not my daughter!!!

My partner was a fab step father and did everything I did, putting her bed, making her lunch, taking her the shop, going to family's house, childrens party's etc but nothing I did ever stopped him seeing her apart from when he gave my mother abuse down the phone thretning to come down and "t#@t" me over something he left at my home and be not giving it him as he wanted to come to collect it at night time when my other children were in bed in the end he broke my back window but I never reported it to police.

What advice can you give me as I've never hurt my children never starved them never put them down never ignored them but did fail to meet the oldest health appointments in the past, its liklyhoods and risks but there not facts! I want to be a mother like I will be to my youngest to daughters but I can not do this in a contact centre with my pre schooler until she's 16 , I know its a lot to absorb but what chance do I stand if I ask for joint residence? I'm only asking for joint as he's already put her in a nursary where she is settled in and I don't want to disrupt her after she's been through so much already I want to have contact over a period of days and nights at my home with my partner and two children where we can all do family things together the thought of a contact centre for the next however many years and not being able to take her home or even visit my home is daunting and getting me down a great deal

[Suzie, FRG Adviser]

Hello princess

Thank you for your post. I am very sorry to read about the distressing situation you are in regarding your children.

If I have understood your situation correctly, you have 2 older boys who do not live with you, a daughter who is currently living with her Dad under an interim residence order and 2 younger girls who live with you and your partner.

Initially, all of the children were removed from your care by Children’s Services and you are currently involved in a court process. Is this care proceedings, led by Children’s Services or are the residence orders being applied for in private law proceedings? It is likely that Children’s Services would still be involved in these proceedings as they would be writing reports/ making recommendations to the court.

From what you have said, I am assuming that Children’s Services have recommended that your older daughter remains with her Dad and that your younger daughters remain with you and your partner under a residence order to him. What is the plan for your boys?

I am not able to say what the outcome of your case is likely to be without seeing all of the relevant paperwork. Do you have a solicitor advising you? If so I wonder what their advice is at the moment about whether you should ask the court for a joint residence order or agree to a residence order to Dad but ask for a contact order in your favour? It is very important that you work closely with your solicitor to ensure you are clear about how your case is going, what options you have and what is likely to be in your best interests.

If your ex does get a full residence order for your daughter, this does not give him the right to dictate how your contact should be arranged- that is a matter for the court to decide and I would expect that a contact order will be made during the current proceedings.

If a contact order is made stating that your contact should remain supervised for the time being, there is always the opportunity for you to return to court at a later date if your circumstances change and ask for this to be varied. If it is not specified that contact should be supervised or be in a specific location, you are able to organise this contact as you see fit. This would include bringing your daughter to your home and involving your partner and other daughters.

As I said, the best person to discuss your case with would be your solicitor, if you have one. Please do come back and tell us a bit more about your situation if you would like, however, and ask any further specific questions you may have.

Take care and best wishes

Suzie
FRG Adviser